Andy Roddick: I Apologise, I Apologise to Thee

Rohini IyerSenior Writer IApril 1, 2009

My dear fans,

After the verbal encounter with the chair umpire during my match with Dmitry Tursunov, I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed about my behaviour and I feel sorry that my attitude has made you guys literally put your head down in shame.

Trust me, I never really wanted to turn out as the villain that day, the rain just made me crankier than I usually am! It was so Goddamn frustrating to wait, play, and then wait again on the account of the showers.

Not to mention that the court was slippery and that ******* umpire wasn't even calling time-out—there I go again!

Sorry guys, but the thought of that match makes my blood rankle and my temper flare without any provocation!

I know what you must be thinking, and believe me I have decided to turn over a new leaf. Larry (Stefanki) has put forth the idea of a travelling psychologist to make me undergo counselling sessions on anger management.

This is just the first step towards a new beginning and if it goes well, I plan to enrol for some kind of Yoga as well. I read somewhere that yoga not only finesses the mind but is also good for physical endurance.

In my new found vigour and enthusiasm, I am ready to try out anything and everything. It is high time I cut myself some slack.

The anger management which I mentioned above includes counting backwards from 100, drinking water, and if a special request from my side is accepted, I can bang my rackets to ease the pressure.

Of course, racket banging is only in the important matches like against Federer and Nole. I have put forth this condition to my Babolat sponsors and if they heed it, it will do me a great deal of good.

I also plan to shout at myself instead of raging at the umpires. I guess Marat Safin has been doing it a long time, and he gets away with it (although I don't plan to pull down my shorts or anything like that).

I want to improve on my linguistic ability as well. The more languages you know, the more difficult it is to get caught, and I plan to do that as a safety precaution in case my temper gets the better of me.

Preferably I will want to avoid the European dialects and concentrate on stuff like Japanese, Mandarin, Hindi, so that by the time they hire a translator, I will have finished off the match and they won't be able to do much about it, will they??

These are only contingency measures and I have every reason to believe that the suggestions of my coach will change me for the better, so all you guys out there needn't worry about these much.

The prescribed makeover in my temperament will be effective from Feb. 31 2010, as it takes a lot of time to hire such professional help. I promise that I will try and reduce my talking as far as possible for the time being.

By next season, however, I will have a much wider scope of improvement and if it works out well I may even look forward to an anger management counsellor job after my tennis retirement.