20 Hits That Make Jadeveon Clowney's Look Tame
First off, we’d like to congratulate Mr. Clowney on the hit heard ‘round the world.
It was a sublime and beautiful pasting—perfect form married with timing and execution—and it’s a play we’ll likely never forget.
But is it the biggest hit in sports history? Ehh...no.
We realize beauty can be in the eye of the beholder when it comes to full-contact violence, and not everyone agrees on what makes a “great hit.”
But in the interest of perspective, we’ve searched across the world of sports and came up with a number of hits that rival and surpass Jadeveon Clowney’s Mount Everest of a hit.
We’re not trying to steal your thunder, Clowney—Lord knows you’re the most talented defender in college football right now and will be busting heads in the NFL in no time.
But you’re not the first man to lay the monster mash on the opposition, and the following hits are examples of players wrecking true devastation on the field of play.
Running the De-cleat-athon
Nebraska’s Kenny Bell drops his shoulder and unloads a titanic block on Wisconsin cornerback Devin Smith.
Bell’s de-cleater sends Smith end over end onto the sideline and frees up his teammate, who eludes two more defenders and scores.
The touchdown would be called back, however, on the grounds that Bell hit the defender too high.
Don’t get too mad, anyone. Remember the No. 1 rule of football—“NO TOUCHING!!”
Bend Him Like Beckham
What do wrestling a bear and having a prostate exam administered via ice cream scooper both have in common?
They’re both less painful than receiving a flying shoulder to the face in mid-sprint, which is precisely what Adrian Morley unleashed upon South Sydney’s Ben Walker.
The massive blow knocked the ball loose and “taco’d” Walker, whose upper body was bent back at a painful, Gumby-like angle.
Darcy Tucker Scrambles Sami Kapanen’s Eggs
Stars and egg frittata were the only things spinning in Sami Kapanen’s head after the Flyers right winger was monster-mashed near the boards by the Leafs Darcy Tucker.
The blow sent Kapenen into fall-around Looney Tunes land, and it took several dizzy attempts for him to make it off the ice.
As the commentator says, the aftermath of the hit looks funny, with Kapenen struggling about like he’s in some kind of slapstick-humor Three Stooges stunt.
But the reality of the matter is the hit was certainly a concussion, one of many that eventually led to Kapanen’s retirement from the game.
Helmets Will Roll
Crack-back blocks are like Chicken Soup for the Wide Receiver Soul, and they’re the only time wideouts get to exact a bit of revenge on the defense that’s been all over them the entire game.
Texas wide receiver Marquise Goodwin lines up UCLA safety Andrew Abbott and leaves him in a pile on the turf with a thunderous de-cleater of a crack-back block.
Goodwin’s block sent Abbott’s helmet flying and resulted in a personal foul penalty for helmet-to-helmet contact on the play.
And believe it or not, Marquise is now an Olympic long jumper.
Ian Roberts Applies the Shoulder of Justice
Australian rugby great Ian Roberts gets heated over a call and takes out his anger with extreme prejudice on Wigan’s Mick Cassidy.
Brian Campbell Destroys RJ Umberger
Just when RJ Umberger thought things were looking up, Philadelphia Flyers defenseman Brian Campbell came through and cleaned his dishes.
I don’t think any thoughts were going through Umberger’s head after getting laid out, but the expression on his face says “Check, please.”
Reggie Bush Gets Smacked by Sheldon Brown
He never saw it coming.
Reggie Bush did some special things for the Saints during his rookie year, but this play was not one of them.
Eagles cornerback Sheldon Brown sniffs out this halfback flare route and puts a pasting on Bush that leaves him crawling for air and presumably his contacts.
After hanging you out to dry this bad, Drew Brees better have bought you dinner, Reggie.
And THAT is Why They Call Him “Rampage”
Unfiltered, long-cut brutality.
That’s Quinton “Rampage” Jackson’s style, and there is no better example of the mixed martial artist’s use of bald brute force than his infamous power-bombing of Ricardo Arona.
The impact of the bomb sounds like it nearly threw the earth off its axis and instantly knocks out Arona.
FSN's Sports Science measured the power metrics of Jackson’s hit and awarded it the “hardest hit in sports.”
Ray Lankford Mows over Catcher at Home Plate
Sometimes it’s best not to be a hero.
Phillies catcher Darren Daulton courageously tries to hold his ground and shield the plate, but the Reds’ Ray Lankford comes in with his shoulder down Ed Reed-style and explodes Daulton off the bag.
I just hope someone in the upper deck was able to find Daulton’s face mask.
Brandon Graham Erases Glenn Winston
Clowney-esque in more ways than one, Michigan defensive end Brandon Graham fired into the backfield and pasted Glenn Winston right as the Michigan State back was picking up speed.
This hit is Clowney-riffic and then some considering both players had built up some speed coming into the collision.
Sure, his helmet might not have popped off like Vincent Smith’s, but Winston was in no shape to hop up after the hit like Smith did.
Trevor Linden Helps Jeff Norton off the Ice
Holy. Ham-flavored. Hell.
The hit that Trevor Linden put on Jeff Norton sent him flying through the glass and into the front row of fans.
Legend has it the fans still carry the glass in their arms and hair in remembrance of this mighty hit.
The “Most Violent” Hit in High School Football History
Saying it’s the “most violent” hit in high school football might be a little much. We haven’t seen all of them, and we don’t want to.
But good lawd.
The defensive back hits the wide receiver and nearly sticks the landing on a back flip on this hit. It looks as though the quarterback hangs his receiver out to dry on a flare route and No. 8 just splits the poor kid.
Hines Ward Blows Up Ed Reed
Ed Reed usually does the hitting, but when Hines Ward is in town, the tables can get turned.
Ward starts blocking one Ravens defender, but apparently sees red. Ward lowers his helmet and unloads into Reed, who finds himself receiving the pain instead of dishing it for once.
Adrian Peterson Lays Tracks Over William Gay
The AP train lowers his pads and erupts through William Gay on his way through Pittsburgh.
Ever the calm and reserved player, Peterson said he was “just trying to make a play” when he was asked about the trucking in his postgame interview.
But what he really wanted to say was “WOOH-WOOH!!”
Motu Matu’u Rocks Lachlan Mitchell, Picks Up Fumble
Motu Matu’u unleashes another of his trademark mashings, this time on Melbourne Rebels center wing Lachlan Mitchell.
The hit laid down Mitchell and jarred the ball loose, and Matu’u snatched it up and began running the other way with it.
Sounds familiar, eh, Jadeveon?
Mike Peca’s Open-Ice Obliteration
Head to the 1:02 mark for the hit.
Winnipeg Jets right wing Teemu Selanne was caught unaware in center ice by Vancouver Canucks centre Mike Peca, who tunes him up something fierce.
Daimion Stafford Fills the Alley with Authority
“THAT right there is how you do it.”
We agree with the call on Nebraska safety Daimion Stafford’s hit on the UTC running back—that’s how you fill the alley and then some.
Hockey Player Gets Air-Lifted
The only thing cooler than Ville Varakas’ name is the way the Finnish hockey player lays into his opponent Siim Liivik in this video.
Liivik seems to be aware that Varakas is gunning for him, but nothing stops the full-body carnage from ensuing, and Liivik is left to collect his wits and pride on the ice.
Joe Bowden Creams Jerome Bettis
To say this is something you don’t see every day would be putting it mildly
Houston Oilers linebacker Joe Bowden gets the lead out and bulldozes powerhouse Steelers running back Jerome Bettis at the line of scrimmage.
Bowden is so jacked up over the hit he throws his helmet off, while Bettis shakes it off and tries to forget it happened.
The Inevitable Happens to Bull Rider Zeb Lanham
The say when you mess with the bull, you get the horns.
Luckily for bull rider Zeb Lanham, he only got a sky-high bucking from this angry bull.
Take it as a compliment, Jadeveon—we’re going inter-species bull attack to try to top your big play.