(Photo by Thomas B. Shea/Getty Images)
Reports surfaced out of Denver today that Jay Cutler and head coach Josh McDaniels have been exchanging text messages in hopes of patching up their relationship, which has grown increasingly rocky over the offseason.
It was hoped that Cutler would return to Denver for voluntary workouts, but it appears that even the texting has rubbed Cutler the wrong way.
"Look, I really wanted to be a part of this team over the offseason, I really did," said Cutler. "We had a nice dialogue going, I started off by saying 'Hey m8! Wat r u up 2?' and he responded with an incredibly insulting 'ROFL, MBFYMADS!'. Now, everyone knows that means, "Rolling on floor laughing, Mrs. Butterworth F*cks Your Mom All Day Sunday."
Why would he say something like that to me, and laugh about it?! Mrs. Butterworth is a delicious syrup shaped like a woman, how dare he deface her like this!"
In response to this insult, Cutler said he is going to sell another two or three houses and forgo another couple hundred thousand dollars in bonus money to further punish the team.
McDaniels responded by saying the whole thing was a big mix-up, and he blames the translator he brought in to help him talk to the young man.
Maria Young, a linguist who speaks multiple languages including fluent drunk asshole, hipster jagoff, and narcissistic douche quarterback, was the one responsible.
She has helped teams communicate in the past with people such as Brett Favre and Ryan Leaf. But this time she thought she was texting an abbreviation that meant "My best friend, you're missing a dope scrimmage."
McDaniels has since let go the translator and cited the difficulty in relating to a 25-year-old detached white kid though text abbreviations for the misunderstanding.
He said all communication with Cutler will now be handled by his 11-year-old daughter.
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