Quincy Black Is Better Than Brian Urlacher (humor)

(Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

First off, apologies to Quincy Black and Tampa fans. Bobby Grendier is not supposed to be a typical Bucs fan.  This is a thinly veiled reference to those that think Peyton Manning's only chance at being good is if Brady fails.  Think as I might I can't think of another player like that.

Bobby Grendier was quick to point out the similarities.  "The Q-man went to New Mexico like that lesser LB Urlacher.  Both were safety/linebacker hybrids in college."

Bobby is quick to add, "That is where the similarities end."

"What about both having uniform numbers in the 50s?" I ask.

"I hadn't thought of that.  I thought 54 and 58 were different enough, but maybe Urlacher should change to ninety-something to not be dwarfed in comparison," said Bobby.

"Why do you think Urlacher is inferior to Quincy Black?" I ask.

"It is painfully obvious when you look at it," said Bobby.  "Urlacher has missed several tackles that the Q-man would've made.  Heck, in 2007 Tom Brady, the self admitted slowest player in the league, juked Urlacher out of his shoes.  If it was the Q-man we'd never hear of Bernard Pollard."

"And if we look at special teams play it is no contest.  The Bears do not even trust Urlacher to take the field."

I asked why he thought denigrating Urlacher made Quincy Black look better.

Bobby snorted.  "You think I'm just a homer.  It's OK.  You've been blinded from the truth by the media."

"Don't you think that Quincy Black should stand on his own?"

"Yes," he said, "unfortunately it is all Urlacher in the media.  Want to see my analysis that proves Ray Lewis is better than him?"

"No thanks," I said.

"How about my round table discussion on how James Farrior is better than Brian Urlacher?"

"You are comparing a middle linebacker with an inside linebackers," I said as I left.

I realized I found the one player (Besides Peyton Manning, of course) whose perception of success depends on another player's failures.

This is satire.  Bobby Grendier does not exist, as far as I know.

It'll be tagged for Quincy Black if his tag exists and Brian Urlacher because fans of those players might want to call me names.  It really is not a Bucs or Bears article.  This is a Patriots-Colts article.  I'll leave the Colts tag off because 90% of Colts fans are sane and do not need this crap.  I will tag it for Peyton Manning and Tom Brady because they really are what this article is about.

I recommend keeping your edits out of the tags.

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