20 Athletes Who Need a New Look

Nick DimengoFeatured ColumnistJanuary 18, 2013

20 Athletes Who Need a New Look

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    We can probably agree that we all take our appearance somewhat seriously.

    Whether that means brushing our hair in the morning before heading into the office or tucking in our shirt before meeting our crush at a bar, we want to look our best.

    Athletes, however, really don't play by the same rules.

    They have tats on their necks, and beards similar to ZZ Top. They actually seem to go out of their way to avoid fitting in with the rest of the world.

    With so many different looks out there, we wouldn't mind seeing some of these guys change it up a little bit, so here's a list of athletes who might want to do just that.

    Look, if Shaun White can cut his trademark locks, these guys can change too!

Scot Pollard, Former NBA Player

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    Scott Pollard was an 11-year NBA vet, so he clearly had something to give to teams.

    But based on his look, we hope it stopped with what he did on the basketball court, and not in the style department.

    Though we're not a fan of most of his looks, the braided goatee was probably his worst.

Clay Matthews, Green Bay Packers

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    Call it jealousy (since we're trying to grow our hair out), but Clay Matthews' long, flowing, Thor-like locks have gotten to be a little much for us lately—or at least his famous hair flip has.

    It's SoCal cool and fits his personality on and off the field, but we'd wonder what he'd look like with shorter hair and if it'd affect his game at all?

    Maybe he could show us next season?

Mario Balotelli, Manchester City

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    Mario Balotelli's a brilliant striker who helped lead Man City to the English Premier League title last year and also showed his skills during the 2012 Euro Cup for native country Italy.

    But that damn skinny mohawk, man...just shave it already.

    It looks like a landing strip for a miniature airplane, which should be the first sign that it needs to go.

Alex Ovechkin, Washington Capitals

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    Alex Ovechkin's production has taken a dip in the past couple years thanks to injuries, but the fact is, he's still a millionaire who can afford anything he wants.

    Might we suggest cleaning himself up and getting rid of the whole "I just rolled out of bed and I'm hungover" look?

    We know he's a hockey player, but he would easily win a Lloyd Christmas lookalike contest with his haircut and missing teeth.

Joakim Noah, Chicago Bulls

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    While most guys wish they had as much hair as Noah, it just seems to be a bit too much.

    He can rebound the hell out of a basketball, but if you're searching for the best-looking guy in the league, Noah's name probably won't be found anywhere in the discussion.

    His hair is a big reason why.

Mike Ricci, Former NHL Player

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    Mike Ricci looks to be a mix between Poison's lead guitarist C.C. Deville and Vigo from Ghostbusters 2.

    The sad thing is, even if he chopped that mane, we're still not sure he wouldn't have to do a ton of other things to completely change his look.

Kyle Orton, Dallas Cowboys

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    The whole Mennonite look really just isn't cutting it.

    Kyle Orton's a guy who has shown that he has enough skill to at least get a shot at a starting gig in the league, but we wouldn't be surprised if the front office was hesitant to call him the "face of the franchise."

    Can you blame them?

Pau Gasol, Los Angeles Lakers

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    Pau Gasol has to know he's a dead ringer for Marv from Home Alone, right?

    For being mistaken for the Wet Bandit at least once a day around the holidays, we'd suggest the Spaniard do something to help people avoid any confusion and shave or cut his hair as soon as possible.

Drew Gooden, Milwaukee Bucks

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    Drew Gooden has had so many looks over the course of his career that he finally made the leap and got rid of it all once he suited up with the Bucks.

    He may have finally tried something a little more appealing, but his former looks give him a permanent place on our list.

Ronaldinho, Atlético Mineiro

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    Maybe it's time the legendary Brazilian midfielder/forward decided to cut his hair.

    We're not sure the whole "just got out of the shower" look goes well for him, and as he's getting older, might it let him keep some of his speed by taking off some of the extra hair weight?

Nerlens Noel, Kentucky Men's Basketball

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    We actually got to meet Nerlens Noel today, and let us tell you, his hair is even bigger in person than it is on TV. It puts all those Kid 'n' Play comparisons to shame.

    It's quite the statement to bring back the old school, but if the flattop's not enough, the etched "UK" logo in back puts it just a bit over the top.

Coco Crisp, Oakland A's

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    With the fro that Coco Crisp rocks—along with his name—he honestly seems more and more like a fictional character.

    Picked-out to add about an additional two feet on top of his head, we'd think Crisp would want to cut it to try and stay cooler during the long summer months in the middle of the season, yet he continues to show up with it each season.

    Maybe he's just trying to save money on a Halloween wig each year?

Derek Holland, Texas Rangers

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    Dear Derek,

    We understand that while going through puberty, it's tempting to try and prove you're older than you really are by growing peach fuzz above your upper lip.

    Unfortunately, it doesn't look that great unless you can grow a full, Keith Hernandez-like mustache from back in the day.

    Oh, you're actually 26 years old? Yeah, that thing's definitely got to go.

Any Athlete with Postgame Frames

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    We don't intend to be so broad here, but we think it's clear that everyone's a little sick of players showing up at postgame pressers rocking frames.

    Besides the look being overplayed, the fact that guys like Russell Westbrook are doing it without lenses makes it a million times worse.

    For every athlete who thinks jumping on this trend is a good idea, we beg you to change it up a bit.

Andrew Bynum, Philadelphia Sixers

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    We know Andrew Bynum's going through a tough time by sitting on the bench with a knee injury, and this might not be his everyday look. But come on, bro. If you're going to have it that long, just fro it out.

    Honestly, we're not sure we'd even let ourselves see this hairstyle alone in front of a mirror, let alone showing up to a professional basketball game with it!

All Players with the Latrell Sprewell Pigtails

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    Latrell Sprewell has been out of the league for a while now, but besides some of his (not so great) lasting memories, he gave us this pigtail look that guys in all of sports seem to try and replicate.

    We've seen a number of players sport the Pippi Longstocking look, and each one has failed to impress.

    If you're going to have dreads or long hair, just wear it down already.

Brian Wilson, San Francisco Giants

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    Before his injury, Brian Wilson proved to be one of the best closers in the game.

    His use of intimidation and a powerful fastball—mixed with a little craziness—let batters know that if he entered a late game, it was almost always lights out.

    As much as we love his persona, the beard's getting to be a bit too much. Maybe he could trim it up a little bit and donate it to Locks of Love or something?

    We do give him props for trying to pull off the unitard, though.

Antonio Garay, San Diego Chargers

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    We honestly can't even begin to describe whatever Antonio Garay's got going on here.

    For years, the Chargers D-lineman has sported numerous hairstyles, stretching from the top of his head all the way down to his chinny chin chin.

    He may be thinking outside the box, but we'd prefer he keep it a little more conservative.

Dennis Rodman, NBA Hall of Famer

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    When you think of outlandish athletes, The Worm's probably one of the first to pop into your mind.

    Between all the tats, the multicolored hair and the outfits Dennis Rodman has been spotted in, it might be too late for him to change his ways, but we can at least hope, right?

Djibril Cissé, Queens Park Rangers

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    Though this picture here clearly shows Djibril Cissé has an alternative look, you don't get the full idea of his offbeat style unless you see some other pictures of him with crazy hair.

    He lands our top spot because he's done it all. He will probably continue to look like a cartoon character even long after his playing days are over.