Is Golf a Sport? Debunking the Age-Old Question of What Qualifies As a Sport

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Eldrick hadn’t even retrieved the ball out of the clown's mouth, after winning Bay Hill (for the sixth freakin' time!!), when the haters were already starting up with the argument: So what? Golf isn’t a sport. 
 
It seems like we hear this argument every couple to three months. What qualifies as a sport, and what doesn’t? Since Eddie Shore’s NCAA bracket is a clusterfuck (thanks for nothing Memphis and Wake), ES decided he’d settle that argument, once and for all.
 
First off, there are no universal one-off criteria for sporthood. Hence the fundamental flaw in previous debates on the topic. The test needs to be more robust.
 
Hence, Eddie Shore created the following comprehensive* list of parameters. Every event ever will qualify in one or two, and fail in at least one of them. ES has utilized a scientific method** to determine that if you answer yes to at least 7 of the following, congratulations, you’re a sport.  

* As many as I could come up with before the deadline.
**I ballparked it, plus that’s like a C-, which is barely passing.

 
Is It on TV?

In today’s world, just because you’re on TV doesn’t mean anything.  ESPN televises darts, the WNBA, and poker. Just because there is a studio show for your "sport," doesn’t mean your "sport" deserves a studio show.

That being said, if you’re not on TV, your chance at sporthood takes a serious ding. Ping Pong is great when you’re drunk, or when you’re 11, or when you want to laugh at the ping pong guy from this site’s video http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/, but it’s never televised for a reason. Even hockey got on VS.

Are You in Shape, and Do You Sweat?

Playing sports means you actually have to move.  If you are in good shape and don’t routinely sweat, you’re not a sport. Yes there’s an intellectual side to chess. But you can play that in a coma. Yes, people sweat playing blackjack (but that’s probably due to obesity and the Luxor buffet). If you’re in shape, and your body still gets winded, you’re in good shape here.

Can You AND Will You, Bet on It?

From Vegas, to a bookie, to foreign websites and their dead pools, Eddie Shore knows you can bet on anything. The question isn’t can you bet, the question is, will you bet. I’m sure the WNBA has a line on it…somewhere. But 99 percent of guys know they’ll lose their man card permanently if they even jokingly utter the sentence "Give me the Liberty teased down to a pick’em."

You can’t do what they do

You might mock the worst pro golfer, Or laugh at the pro bowler and his little glove. But if you were out and had to put money on it, could you beat him? If no, put one in the sporthood column.

Is There Fan Interest?

NASCAR may be a 4.5 hour left turn to some. But when’s the last time 200,000 people camped out to watch you commute to work and fill up with gas? Eddie Shore’s niece plays soccer. Eddie Shore doesn’t even watch.

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