Will Work for Food

Correspondent Written on March 30, 2009

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18 Mar 1996: William ''The Refrigerator'' Perry arrives in London in preparation for his debut for the London Monarchs against the Scottish Claymores on April 14 in the World League of American Football. Mandatory Credit: Gary M. Prior/ALLSPORT

I just caught the new Snickers commercial.

You know, the one that features Patrick Ewing authoring an in-your-face slam dunk on some schlep who was too busy munching on a Snickers bar to realize that Ewing was on his way up.

Oh, did I mention that Ewing, who was dressed up in full basketball attire (tank, shorts, etc.) looked like he had just inhaled a dozen candy bars a day since he retired?

Why is it that most professional athletes put on the pounds after they retire?

I know that I've probably put on a good 15-20 since I graduated college, but that was 12 years ago, and I was never a professional athlete.

So, as a tribute to those who trained so hard to never look like us and yet ended up looking like us anyway, I present to you five ex-athletes who, for better or for worse, have retired from professional sports and have taken up eating as a hobby.

The Round Mound of Rebound

CLARKSBURG, ON - JUNE 26: Charles Barkley plays in the first round of the Ford Wayne Gretzky Classic on June 26, 2008 in Clarksburg, Ontario. (Photo by Claus Andersen/Getty Images)

"Sir" Charles Barkley looks like he swallowed former teammate Manute Bol.

Easily the "Round Mound of Rebound" is really just a round mound now (say that 10 times fast).

So, Barkley has traded in his tanks and high-tops for a golf cart and a putter. And while he is a better-than-average golfer, his penchant for high-stakes gambling may prove to be his calling in retirement.

Oh, and did I mention that he also likes fast cars—and even faster women.

What a disaster.

Magic

Magic Johnson shocked the world in 1991 when he announced that he was HIV-positive.

Thankfully, in the 17-plus years that have since passed, Johnson has all but received a clean bill of health, thanks to being able to afford cutting-edge medical treatment.

Despite years of being a guinea pig for HIV meds, Johnson has managed to keep himself busy by apparently eating everything in sight.

Magic has easily packed on 60-70 pounds since his playing days.

Iron Mike

LAS VEGAS - JANUARY 25: Former boxer Mike Tyson arrives at a birthday party for mixed martial arts fighter Tito Ortiz hosted by his girlfriend Jenna Jameson at the CatHouse at the Luxor Resort & Casino January 25, 2008 in Las Vegas, Nevada. Ortiz turned

From Iron to mush.

Former Undispited Champion of the World, Iron Mike Tyson, looks like he hasn't turned down a meal since retiring from the ring a few years ago.

Complete with a "hang(s)over" - you know, his belly hang(s)over his belt, Tyson's many tattoos must be stretched to the max.

While I still wouldn't dare step into the ring with him, I'm sure that I can outrun him...and outwalk him.

Bo Knows

CHICAGO - JULY 13: Former All-Star outfielder and NFL star Bo Jackson celebrates hitting a home run during the All Star Legends and Celebrity Softball Game on July 13, 2003 at U.S. Cellular Field in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Imag

Bo Jackson was the most recognizable professional athlete for the better part of the 1980s. His chiseled physique adorned a timeless black-and-white Nike poster which depicted him wearing his shoulder pads and balancing a baseball bat behind his shoulders.

Sadly, those times have passed Jackson by.

I don't think that Jackson would do that poster spread today.

Then again, nor would I.

The Fridge

Ok. So, William Perry was a big dude when he played.

He's even bigger now.

I mean, this guy is the size of Barkley and Magic—combined.

"The Fridge" is known as much for his appetite as he is for scoring a touchdown in the Super Bowl back in 1985.

Did I mention he reportedly tips the scales at over 400 pounds?

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written on March 30, 2009 Humor

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