Truth is often stranger than fiction.
With the transfer market wide open, and rumors flying left, right and centre, it comes as no surprise to me when I see even the most ludicrous of suggestions pop up on my computer screen. It's all part and parcel of the January window. Besides, we all love a good laugh once in a while, don't we?
Sometimes crazy things do happen. Remember Real Madrid's inexplicable capture of Michael Essien on loan from Chelsea on deadline day last summer? Oh well, inexplicable might be a strong word to use here, but I, for one, could not fathom how this particular move was going to help any of the parties involved.
You can never rule anything out in football, but some things can at the very least be termed unlikely. So here are five high profile transfer rumors that I believe make very little, if any sense at all.
Gareth Bale has once again set the Premier League alight. He is arguably Tottenham Hotspurs' most valued asset. I'm sure Andre Villas Boas will vouch for that.
Losing him in the January transfer window would deal a huge blow to Spurs' Champions League aspirations.
Real Madrid and Barcelona are the chief interested parties, while Bale has expressed a desire to jump ship. Now, which professional footballer wouldn't be thrilled to know he has roused the interest of such massive clubs?
Bale has earned the recognition he's getting through hard work and determination, but a bad choice could stagnate the Welshman's career. At Tottenham, he is one of the first names on the team sheet, but if he were to go to Barca or Real, there's a good chance he remains confined to the bench.
Let's face it, Bale isn't at all suited to Barcelona's style of play. He is renown for his ability to run at defenders and deliver telling crosses in a swift counter-attacking set up, which is in stark contrast to Barca's patient buildups, characterized by countless passes. He is not the player they need. Alexis Sanchez is already suffering as a result of a bad career choice, as you must have witnessed.
Moving to Real Madrid would not be sensible either. Bale likes to start on the left, where Cristiano Ronaldo, Real's indispensable man, plays. Even if shifted to defense, Bale will have stiff competition from the likes of Marcelo and Fabio Coentrao for the left-back berth.
On the other flank, there are Angel Di Maria, Mesut Ozil and Jose Callejon. Competition is stiff everywhere, so Bale will really have his work cut out.
Why not just stay put at White Hart Lane, where Tottenham harbor real hopes of securing a place in the top four in England? It would be best for both him and his club.
Here's one laughable transfer rumor. With gifted individuals like Oscar and Marko Marin struggling for game time, what makes you think Rafa Benitez will let Isco throw his hat into the ring straight up?
Yes, Isco will represent a long term investment, but there are already a number of young players at Chelsea in direct contention for the three slots behind the centre forward. Don't forget, Kevin De Bruyne might return from his loan spell at Werder Bremen in the summer as well.
Neither does the club need reinforcements in this position, nor does the player need to make a move that will reduce game time for him so drastically.
Perhaps Malaga will be the only real beneficiaries from such a deal, given that they are so heavily in debt. But then, they too would like to hold on to the young man who has been the crown jewel in the club's first foray in the Champions League, even if only till the summer.
Isco to Chelsea doesn't make sense for the obvious reasons, and I doubt this transfer will go through. Instead, there is space for a talent like him at Arsenal, who've also been keen followers of the Spaniard's development in the past.
Cristiano Ronaldo is one moody guy. I’m not sure how happy he is at Real Madrid right now, but irrespective of that, one cannot deny that he is the pivotal figure for Los Blancos; Jose Mourinho's team is built around the man from Madeira.
Madrid has no good reason to let go of him. We mustn't forget Ronaldo is at the peak of his powers. It would take a colossal bid to prize him away from the Bernabeu, and only a handful of clubs would be willing to pay up.
The highly ambitious Paris Saint-Germain are one of them, and top chief Sheikh Bin Abdulrahman Al-Thani acknowledged that the French outfit have Ronaldo on their radar.
To be frank, given that the Portuguese winger is one of the world's best two players, and happens to ply his trade at one of football's most famous clubs, a move to PSG represents a step backwards.
I don't believe this transaction would be a good one, even from PSG's perspective. They have a certain Zlatan Ibrahimovic, who has been Carlo Ancelotti's go-to man ever since he moved to France. He has been nothing short of fantastic.
PSG flexed their financial muscle in the summer, signing up Ibra, Lucas Moura, Ezequiel Lavezzi, and Thiago Silva, amongst others. Why splash the cash again? They have all the ingredients they need, now they just need to find a formula for success.
With that in mind, roping in Ronaldo is a bad idea. It's not just about the money. Ancelotti's PSG side is Zlatan-centric, and they are doing just fine right now. The arrival of an even bigger star could easily generate dressing room disharmony, and we all know the adverse effects that has. Is it really worth it?
Chelsea's interest is, of course, well-documented, and they've had good reason to chase Athletico Madrid's Colombian hit-man too.
But I find it peculiar that Roberto Mancini and City retain an interest in him. The Sky Blues don't exactly have a dearth of striking options, with Sergio Aguero, Carlos Tevez, Edin Dzeko and Mario Balotelli all on their cards.
Yes, it can be argued that none of the aforementioned have the finishing prowess of Falcao; it is debatable. But I'm not quite sure this is the area where City need bolstering, even should the temperamental and vexatious Balotelli be shown the door.
Too many cooks spoil the broth, goes the idiom. Smart words too.
Lewandowski finds himself at a club that is arguably one of the continent's finest.
Winning back-to-back Bundesliga titles and then finishing at the pinnacle of what was dubbed the Champions League's Group of Death was a real statement from Borussia Dortmund. I can only see them getting stronger going forward in 2013.
Robert Lewandowski has been a central figure in Dortmund's meteoric rise to prominence, and is pretty much a guaranteed starter for Die Schwarzgelben.
With that in mind, one cannot fathom the idea of him heading to Manchester United, as he would almost certainly be a bench-warmer. Yet Goal.com appears to be very confident that he's set to swap Westfalenstadion for Old Trafford.
The Red Devils have three prolific strikers in Robin Van Persie, Wayne Rooney and Javier Hernandez, while Danny Welbeck is there to provide further cover up front.
Let's not forget that United's real problem area is central midfield, where they're still missing a top notch anchorman, or what I like to call a play-breaker. Sven Bender, Lewandowski's teammate at Dortmund, would be a good player to target instead.
Lewandowski would represent a significant investment, hence whatever funds Sir Alex Ferguson has at his disposal right now would undoubtedly be put to better use elsewhere.
This transfer rumor doesn't make sense because there will be no beneficiaries if such a move materializes, be it now, or in the summer.