G2: I Never

Correspondent Written on March 29, 2009

These are the G2 commercials that did not make it to TV.

(Kobe Bryant) I have never had to tell my wife we can’t afford that new car.
(Kobe Wang) I have never had to pay millions of dollars in a settlement and a diamond ring for my wife for raping a woman.
(Kobe Bryant) I have never known what if feels like to win something on my own.
(Kobe Wang) I have never won three NBA championships, all with Shaquille O’Neal.

(Travis Henry) I have never been involved with just one woman at a time.
(Travis Jones) I have never had to take multiple paternity tests, and been ordered to pay child support.
(Travis Henry) I have never had to worry about missing a mortgage payment. (Oh wait… I have… Damn those child support payments.)
(Travis Jones) I have never been arrested for dealing cocaine because making millions in the NFL wasn’t enough money.

(Cedric Benson) I have never had to work a regular 9 to 5 job.
(Cedric Smith) I have never played poorly as a running back in the NFL and continued to get signed by teams.
(Cedric Benson) I have never had to worry about the next time I could party on a boat.
(Cedric Smith) I have never been pepper-maced in the face by a cop for partying on my boat in Austin.

-Reginald Blackstone

This article is also featured on Fourth and Fifty

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written on March 29, 2009 Humor