Many of us envy the lives of professional athletes. And with good reason, too.
We spend our days at a desk listening to soul-sucking small talk between coworkers about the latest episode of the Real Housewives of Wherever. Or endless whispered speculation about who had the nerve to use the microwave without washing it out.
And that's if we're lucky enough to even have a job at all!
Then you have professional athletes. Many get to go to college for free, and they don't seem to appreciate it in the slightest. They get to leave college early and are paid massive amounts of money to do so. And then go on to a career in which they make more money playing in a single game than most of us make in a full year on the job.
But just because athletes have it better than most of us, doesn't mean they don't have bad days too. Those massive paychecks also come with massive expectations, as well as intense scrutiny when those expectations aren't met. That's not to say you should pity them or anything. Just that they are human too, and like all humans, they have good days and bad.
Here are 25 athletes who are having the worst day ever.
What He's Thinking: "Joe Flacco versus Peyton Manning. What a nightmare. Going into what will likely be the last game of my career, and it all comes down to Joe Flacco versus Peyton Manning. I may be the greatest motivational leader in the NFL, but it's going to take more than a fiery locker room speech to overcome that talent deficit. I'll keep praying for an act of God."
What He's Thinking: "We added two supposedly elite talents to the team in the offseason, and yet…we're worse. How in the hell is that even possible? Amateurs…I'm sick of playing with amateurs. I wonder if it's too late to request a trade to the Clippers or, better yet, the Heat."
What He's Thinking: "Oh good lord…why is Ronaldo carrying that purse on the pitch? Doesn't he know that makes us all look bad. I can't even look at this guy right now."
Because, for those of you who don't know, Cristiano Ronaldo has been known to carry a man purse.
What He's Thinking: "I wonder how Phillip is doing in San Diego. I miss all the fun we used to have back in the day. Nothing has been the same since Josh McDaniels came to Denver and ruined everything."
What He's Thinking: "I wonder if Jay ever thinks about me. I never realized how important he was to me until he was traded. I guess it's true what they said: You really don't truly appreciate what you have until it's gone."
What He's Thinking: "I can't believe it's January already. Bobby V. is still stalking my nightmares, so it's almost as if the season never ended. Everyone is counting on me to stay positive, but I just don't know if I have it in me anymore. I'm getting too old for this."
What He's Thinking: "Why did I break up with Ana Ivanovic twice? One time is understandable, people make mistakes. But two times…that's just crazy. Look at Rory (McIlroy) and Caroline (Wozniacki)—they're so happy! Maybe she'll take me back again. Probably not. Dammit!"
What He's Thinking: "It's like you stomp on one player and suddenly you're the worst person in the world. Well, twice if you count booting Matt Schaub in the groin exactly one year later—which I don't.
"I didn't even count the first one. I mean…It was obvious that I was just trying to catch my balance. Both times. Clearly accidents. When are people going to stop punishing me for catching my balance?"
What He's Thinking: "I really miss Derrick (Rose). We were a better team with him. Plus, ever since he's been gone, I feel like people are really staring at my ponytail. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but sometimes I feel their eyes burning into me. It's just a ponytail. What's the big deal? Don't they know it'd be a much bigger spectacle without the ponytail?"
What She's Thinking: "In retrospect, revealing the status of my virginity, during a nationally televised interview a few months before the Olympics, may not have been the best decision I've ever made. But seriously, how was I supposed to know that an athlete's virginity would be such a big story? It's not like that's ever happened before. Oh wait…"
What He's Thinking: "I know Wes doesn't blame me for his contract situation, but I can't help but feel caught in the middle. It just hurts. I've given Bill and Bob everything I have for the last decade, and they reward me by shipping receiver-after-receiver off into oblivion. I hope they know, they're not going to have Tom Brady to kick around forever."
What He's Thinking: "Me…Justin Verlander…outgunned by Barry Zito. Barry Zito. It's been three months since Game 1 of the World Series and it still feels like a bad dream. At this point, I don't know if the harsh reality of that situation will ever truly sink in. But if it does, hopefully I'm still at the beach with Kate Upton. A busty babe in a bikini will soften the harshest of blows—right, fellas?"
What He's Thinking: "Man, this is going to be a long year. When does baseball season start? Hopefully the Red Sox are as big of a dumpster fire this year as they were last year. That would really take some of the heat off us towards the end of the season, especially if things don't improve. At least the Knicks will probably choke down the stretch."
What He's Thinking: "The Dream Team. Nice one Vince. Nice one. Maybe if you had just kept your mouth shut for once, it would have been us starting for the Eagles this season. That certainly sounds better than collecting unemployment and thinking about what could have been."
What He's Thinking: "Is it even humanly possible to spend $200 million in 14 years? It seems impossible to burn through that much money with almost nothing to show for it. Has someone been stealing from me? Maybe I got drunk and stashed $100 million away somewhere and forgot about it. Either way, I really need a job."
What He's Thinking: "I can't believe I cried when I lost to Federer in the finals at Wimbledon 2012. Now every time I'm losing, everyone is all 'Oooh…be careful…you don't want to make Murray cry!' I mean…it was one time, jerks! And I beat him in the gold medal match at the London Olympics…like a month later. How come nobody talks about that?"
What He's Thinking: "I thought the Lakers were supposed to be good. Wasn't this supposed to be a step up from the Magic? It was for Shaq. But it's not. It sucks. Metta World Peace is crazy, Nash is 200 years old, Pau just cries all the time and Kobe is so mean. I gotta get out of here."
What He's Thinking: "I'd rather be back in jail than deal with another losing season in Philadelphia. These people are absolutely brutal. I wonder if Andy will call? The quarterback situation in Kansas City is pretty bleak. Whatever, though. I don't care—as long as I get out of Philly."
What He's Thinking: "It's not my fault that people just don't get me. When I commissioned that centaur painting of myself, the guy said tons of people have them. I bet Jeter has one. And so what if I was talking to a girl in the stands during the playoffs? I was benched. What else was I supposed to do? I didn't bench myself. I would have played. Sitting there was boring. So why is everyone hating on me?"
What He's Thinking: "It's just one headache after another. It doesn't matter if we get off to the best start in over a decade and I get off to one of the best starts of my entire career—there's always something. Last year it was "Linsanity" and this year I've got 260 pounds of dead weight (named Amare Stoudemire) around my neck. Can't we send this guy to Houston too?"
What He's Thinking: "Bad Romo. Bad Romo. Bad Romo. Way to prove everyone right. How does this keep happening? I swore this year would be different. Oh well…at least golf season starts early…again."
What He's Thinking: "Remember when I used to be a big deal? It's like the Cardinals didn't even miss me. I mean…they almost made it back to the World Series and we didn't even make the playoffs. And now we signed Josh Hamilton—like I wasn't enough? Now even if we make the playoffs…it's going to be like he is the reason…even if he really isn't."
What He's Thinking: "I wonder if it's too late to go back to college. I know it's not the traditional path, but I still have three years of eligibility and coach Calipari and I are cool these days. Seriously…how did I end up playing for the Wizards? I hate my life."
What He's Thinking: "I just can't believe Rex would reveal that ridiculous tattoo. As if things weren't bad enough before. I mean...my name and "buttfumble" will forever be associated. At least I was able to convince him to get his wife wearing my jersey, instead of me wearing my jersey. That definitely would have been worse. Man, he's such a weirdo."
What He's Thinking: "Why is everyone so desperate to crown 'The next Tiger Woods' when the actual Tiger Woods won three PGA tournaments in 2012? Seems to me that this Tiger Woods is doing just fine.
"Sure, it's been a few years since I won a Major—but winning a Major is hard. Here's a thought: Anyone who has won more than 14 of them can criticize me…everyone else should shut the hell up. That seems fair."