What a way to kick off the New Year!
It's a time to look back on years past, to get excited about 2013, and most of all, hope that the WWE got all the crap (figuratively and literally) out of its system.
Truth be told, I wasn't going to do worst of the WWE this week.
After completing the 100 Worst Wrestling Moments of the year, I was going to take a short break. It was time to focus on the positives of the current product and just enjoy life.
Then the WWE pulled me back in.
WWE went back in time to relive two godawful moments in its history that should never have even been mentioned again.
It was like Vince McMahon was openly mocking us and daring us to watch his program. Or most likely, he just wanted to have a few laughs.
Let's kick in the new year and take a look back at the WWE's worst of the week from December 30 through January 5.
Based on her TV time, Vickie Guerrero is one of the top heels in WWE.
If she's going to be so heavily featured, she should at least have some degree of respect and fear from the roster.
Imagine if Darth Vader was talking to Princess Leia on the Death Star and then for no reason farted.
Sure, it may have been worth a chuckle, but it would have damaged Vader's credibility.
During Mae Young's short-lived pregnancy—which may or may not show up later in this list, I'm not one for spoilers—Vickie blasted the pants cannon.
No buildup, no followup, it just happened.
Think of this for one moment:
The sketch involving a senior citizen (who has a giant hand as a son) giving birth to a former leprechaun who was given the ability to talk by Santa Claus was apparently not quite ridiculous enough for the WWE—it felt the need to add in a woman farting too.
After laying out a dated Mr. T joke and an irritable bowel syndrome accusation, John Cena laid feces on two of the top heels in WWE.
I have no idea where Cena bought such a large quantity of fecal matter at, who he paid to lug it up to the top of the arena or who he also must have paid to sit there for three hours in hopes that Dolph Ziggler and A.J. Lee would hopefully stand in that exact spot so he could flip the switch to drop it all.
Apparently, Cena's a wealthy man who will pay a lot of money for an unfunny practical joke that he ripped off from DX.
The goal of a face should be to build up the heel and make him seem like a threat. That way when the face wins, he has accomplished something.
Cena often doesn't take the time to do things seriously, and this week he really tore down Ziggler. He brought up his failed gimmicks and his lack of a "push."
Those were things that didn't need to be be talked about, as Ziggler still isn't defined as a legitimate threat.
While Ziggler still hasn't had a meaningful title run, he's the only wrestler in WWE history to have had excrement dropped on him twice. So there's always that.
At times I wish there was some sort of law and order or at least a little consistency within the WWE.
Raw's theme of champions getting to pick their opponents leaves a lot to be desired.
The title holders didn't have to pick one of their top contenders or even someone credible, they could pick anyone they wanted, and the person didn't even need to be an active wrestler.
For example, Sgt. Slaughter, a 64-year-old man, was allowed to accept Antonio Cesaro's challenge.
Mae Young was later challenged by Eve Torres.
Lastly, Ricardo was chosen by The Big Show. He doesn't even own ring gear!
Could they have just picked some guy from the crowd? A child?
What was to stop them from doing that?
On a show that was already insanely overloaded with bad attempts at humor, it would have been nice to have at least treated title shots as legitimate.
Whoever still thinks that six and a half hours of WWE a week is good thing apparently hasn't had his or her fill of The Great Khali vs. Primo and Epico matches.
Nov. 19: The Great Khali defeats Primo and Epico in a handicapped match.
Dec. 7: Great Khali and Hornswoggle defeat Primo and Epico.
Dec. 14: Great Khali and Hornswoggle defeat Primo and Epico in an eight-man tag match.
Dec. 19: Great Khali and Hornswoggle defeat Primo and Epico in an eight-man tag match.
Jan. 4: The Great Khali and Hornswoggle defeat Primo and Epico in a six-person tag match.
If Khali can beat Primo and Epico by himself, then why were those other matches booked by giving Khali more of an advantage?
From a storyline perspective, why do these matches keep happening? Do Primo and Epico think they can win? Are they trying to get revenge? We have no idea, as the WWE never lets them talk.
We're just supposed to be entertained with these pointless matches with no story progression.
And lastly, let's not forget Hornswoggle dishing out a Stunner on Primo and Epico. It was so bad, it left Steve Austin turning over in his grave years before he actually died.
If WWE ever releases a 50 Worst Moments of all time DVD, this should definitely make the list.
On Raw, an 89-year-old woman gave birth to a 26-year-old man.
Hornswoggle then emerged wearing a diaper and a sash while smoking a cigar. He was then given a bottle and said "mama" to his mother Mae Young.
I just don't get it.
Why can't WWE do comedy that doesn't break the fourth wall and more importantly, break every known logic of the universe?
Why does its humor have to be so incredibly inept and embarrassing?
An entire book could be written on how stupid this was, or a documentary could be filmed trying to explore how anyone in his or her right mind could possibly think this was a good idea.
Let's just leave it to Jerry Lawler to have the final say.
I think he summed it up best when after watching the skit, he said that maybe he wished the doctors hadn't saved his life.
That's all for this week. Agree? Disagree? What was your worst of the week? Sound off below!