We've all been interviewed by Erin Andrews in the bathroom mirror. We've all thrown that Bowl-winning, Hail Mary pass on our front lawns. We've all out-dunked Blake Griffin in our driveways.
Giving ourselves a little taste of what it's like to be one of the greats is fun. It's part of nearly every childhood. And hey, who are we kidding, many adulthoods, too.
But knowing just how far to take these backyard fantasies seems to be a challenge for some folks...
In another dimension in which humans have super strength, on a planet with half of Earth's gravitational pull...the red-visored gal still missed this jump.
Somewhere in the nanosecond that little Bobby White Shorts had to think about whether or not to rainbow that rebound, he realized it would go wrong.
Hey arcade dorks, stick to the joysticks and to the trackballs. Throwing punches...well, not your thing.
(Be sure to watch this video all the way through; it just keeps machine-gunning out the failures.)
Listen, I'm no fattist. I have something of a spare tire myself. But come on my friend in lane seven, it doesn't take a lot of deep thinking to know when a sport simply isn't for you.
Fusion can be good. Think California rolls. Think Tex-Mex. Think clean energy.
But fusing sports? Probably not so good.
So, does the unlikely outcome here negate the loss of cool from the spastic full-body bowl?
I'm going with a big fat no.
I'm guessing that before the camera started rolling, our skier friend here took this jump a few times facing forward. Some nice landings and a few "oohs" and "aahs" from ski bunnies got his confidence up.
Then, thinking Shaun White isn't all that, our friend figured he'd up the ante.
In fact, he went all in.
And wound up all over.
What's a fail compilation without a shot to the pills?
Conventional Wisdom Topic No. 1: Ferraris
Ferraris are fast. Ferraris have big engines. Big engines are heavy.
Conventional Wisdom Topic No. 2: Sand
Sand is porous. Sand is loose. Heavy things sink in sand.
Guess this gym-rat wannabe figured loading up a barbell willy-nilly would be no more harmful than loading up a supermarket trolley without a shopping list.
By my count the guy has 320 pounds on there, plus the weight of the bar. That puts him at 365 lbs.
Judging by his physique, I'd say on a good day, he's got a shot at putting up 180.
One thing that makes some sports so challenging, is that they require us to do things that go against our Darwinian nature.
Take football for example. Survival instincts tell us to run away from cleated, armored giants barreling down on us. Yet the game may require us to purposely collide with them.
Now take pole vaulting. When we're launched into the air, every fiber of our being screams for us to cling to something, not to let something go.
Do we understand this vaulter's mishap a little better now?
Some sports journalists were once sports stars themselves. Dan Marino, Walt Frazier, Mark Jackson, and Bob Uecker are examples.
And then there are the sports reporters who talk up a good game, because they can't play one.
Drop a pop fly and your friends might rag on you a bit. Put up a dozen air balls and you'll probably survive the day. Fumble. Shank. Miss. Whiff. It's OK for everyday folks to be bad at sports yet still participate in them.
Except for parkour.
So, after the second attempt, this instructor—obviously a true Muay Thai virtuoso—tries to save some face by insinuating that his little minion boys weren't holding the bar tight enough.
No worries, though; third time is a charm, right? Right?
Fear me. Admire me. Watch me brave the freezing cold. Watch me shatter the ice with my finely tuned athletic body. I am the Hessian Hammer. I am the Sultan of Speedos.
Poor ice dude has made that humiliating jump more than 22 million times now.
Oh, to soar through the air and stuff a ball down into the net with the panache of an NBA great!
Come on fess up, how many of you have set the backboard low so that you could get your full LeBron on?
Hey, no judgments here. I've done it too.
This trampoline set up, though...hmmmm.
I have a sneaking suspicion it was the old mom herself that leaked this video onto the net. Just to teach her boy a lesson he'd never forget.
If that kid was on a live web call, then this is the undisputed, greatest showoff buzz kill moment in the history of the universe.
I feel for this kid. I really do. The horror, the pain—it must be almost too much to bear.
But I need to be honest; I laughed so hard when I watched this that I gave myself a coughing fit.
I don't want to overdo it with the superlatives, but come on. Here, it's surely warranted.
Is this not the most stupendous, the most gasp-inducing, the most awesome of all sports wedgies?