Comedy Roast and Remembering of Pro Wrestling in 2012

Justin LaBarFeatured ColumnistDecember 31, 2012

Photo courtesy of WWE
Photo courtesy of WWE

2012 in the world of sports entertainment was certainly not without entertainment. It's time to roast what we learned, enjoyed, questioned, look forward to and suffered, all in the name of remembering the past year of professional wrestling.

There were some interesting identity problems in 2012. Fans chanted Albert at Tensai. Fans chanted Goldberg at Ryback. Ernest The Cat Miller gained 150 pounds of funkiness. Abyss sat in the crowd as a lawyer known as Joseph Parks. While all this confusion of identity is still going on, TNA is still trying to pass off Garett Bischoff as a pro wrestler and a big deal.

Rey Mysterio still has the lead on many categories, including longest entrance, most vacation days and surgeries on his left knee.

Brock Lesnar returned to one of the biggest pops and most exciting moments in a long time. I don't know what got more curiosity from fans―how many dates Lesnar actually has on his WWE contract or  the same white guy in an Affliction shirt who is always shown marking out during Lesnar's entrance.

The WWE Network is once again right around the corner.

Congratulations to Sycho Sid, who in 2012 missed his first softball game in years due to actually showing up to an episode of Raw for which he was booked.

Hair was a big thing in wrestling this year. The Undertaker is bald but still undefeated at WrestleMania. Triple H cut his long locks because he's “retired.” Shawn Michaels keeps losing his hair, but hair or no hair―he's still the Heartbreak Kid. Hulk Hogan still has the same hair “style” since 1983.

Speaking of Hulk Hogan―what do you think he wants to aim for first in priority as a new year's resolution? To make sure his daughter doesn't marry a wrestler? To hope Nick stays out of trouble? To not get filmed in bed with his best friend's wife? To get a best friend that doesn't choose to be called a love sponge named Bubba? By the end of 2013, none of that will matter, because he'll be the TNA World Champion, brother!

Kurt Angle still has the easiest password to hack into his Twitter account.

Hornswoggle now has the power to talk. 2012 was a big year, as he got to further whatever storylines he was involved in on the mic—something we're still waiting for David Otunga to accomplish.

Forget voting for Romney or Obama. Let's vote on Christian, Ezekial Jackson, Ted DiBiase or Lil' Jimmy―who did we see more of this year?

WWE finally decided for first time ever to abandon their rule of if a guy has brown skin he has to be booked as a foreign heel. The obvious alternative is to put him in leather pants as a rock-band member. It might look ridiculous, but Jinder Mahal's current gimmick is still better than them trying to pass off an Italian as a Middle Eastern terrorist like they did with Muhammad Hassan in 2005.

Former Spirit Squad member Ken Doane is competing with Tyler Reks and Alex Riley for who gets the top byline as author of the book 101 Reasons John Cena Prevented Me from Getting Over.

Cody Rhodes grew a mustache. After one night of amazing reactions, WWE brass decided once again to push tentative television time aside for Zack Ryder in favor of Rhodes' facial hair.

A.W. officially got the Kurt Cobain WWE experience. His career abruptly ended after he killed it with comments made and his popularity reached the highest of heights.

The report is that WWE is planning to move all of their developmental operations from Tampa, Florida to Orlando. There seems to be debate among experts if the move is to take advantage of being at Full Sail University permanently for production or getting the roster away from Hillsborough county, where the police have talents' license plates memorized.

Former WWE Diva Sunny decided to buy stock in TMZ and thought it would help pay off her legal fees. Unfortunately, nobody has the heart to tell her its a revolving-door cycle.

This year we saw AJ Lee romantically involved onscreen with Daniel Bryan, Kane, CM Punk, John Cena and Dolph Ziggler. It was a failed attempt to outperform former Diva Chyna, who gets more than romantically involved with a battle royal full of wrestlers in the 2012 adult film titled Ring Queen.

WWE launched a YouTube channel and took over the production of Zack Ryder's Z! True Long Island Story. Now the show is terrible. Until this year, I never thought I'd find myself thinking a video of 53-year-old Ultimate Warrior talking would be more entertaining than a video WWE is producing.

Fans continue to want Macho Man Randy Savage inducted to WWE's Hall of Fame. Macho Man's brother Lanny Poffo insists it was his brother's wishes to only be inducted if both of them went in. WWE's response was to create a character called Damien Sandow with the eventual hope he could go up on stage in the place of Lanny and nobody would know the difference.

Much of the year was focused around Dolph Ziggler and when he is going to “cash in.” In related cashing-in news, apparently in 2012 John Cena became the first to cash in and fail. Ziggler spent most of the year walking around with Vickie Guerrero. Cena spent the year getting a divorce and having onscreen relations with Eve Torres and AJ Lee (plus TMZ is showing him dating one of the Bella Twins). I don't think there was any failing in John Cena's attempts to cash in.

Vince McMahon was advised by his executive board that to fully promote the Be a Star campaign, he needed to publicly show respect and tolerance for those he might view as different. As a result of this demonstration, Jim Ross got to do play-by-play on some episodes of Raw, Paul Heyman was rehired and CM Punk held the WWE Championship all year long.