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The Wrestling Police Hands out Charges to Superstars This Week

Shane H.

Senior Writer Written on March 27, 2009

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This is strictly for entertainment purposes, folks. It's all a joke.

We all know wrestling is staged, but let's just say that things are real for a second.

From this past week in wrestling, the Wrestling Police was able to assess the situation and issue some serious charges.

Before I go on, I have to ask you all this question:

Did you hear about the woman found dead at the Fountainbleau Hotel? Her naked body was found in a bathtub that was filled with milk. A banana was stuffed in her mouth and strawberries were found floating beside her. The police are now on the look out for a "cereal" killer.

And without further ado, I present the slide show.

Violating Leash Law

Seriously, this animal needs to always have a leash attached. Can't have the GM running freely.

Assault with a Deadly Weapon

Samoa Joe has returned to TNA Wrestling and he is not alone. The man has been running around the TNA premises wielding a large blade. Charges have been filed by fellow wrestler Scott Steiner.

Illegal Alien

Can anyone understand Booker T? It's obvious he cannot speak English and must be an immigrant. INS has taken control of the case as they hope to deport the five-time champion.

Trespassing

The Punjabi Playboy should be nowhere near a wrestling ring, yet he is still receiving a paycheck from the WWE.

Forced Labor (type of slavery)

Vickie Guerrero is the only one to receive multiple charges as she is also being brought up on slavery charges. Chavo Guerrero is consistently being subjected to menial go-fer duties when he is capable of doing so much more.

Copyright Infringement

A few years back, Randy Orton was known as "The Legend Killer," now Chris Jericho seems to have taken up the moniker. He has taken out Piper, Snuka, Steamboat, and Flair, and looks to do the same thing to Jerry Lawler on RAW.

Ryan Michael (head of The Randy Orton Fan Club) has filed papers against Jericho for infringing on Orton's past gimmick.

Molestation

The Viper struck this past Monday night as Orton and Co. assaulted Triple H. Orton then DDT'd Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley and gave the unconscious heiress a kiss.

The DDT and kiss was after he eye-raped (credit Ron Johnson) the Billion-Dollar Princess.

Robbery

The Money in the Bank Ladder Match is now a staple at Wrestlemania and it is usually a highlight of the show. This year, however, things aren't looking so glamorous.

Kane? Finlay? Mark freakin' Henry?

Where is R-Truth? The Brian Kendrick? Evan Bourne? John Morrison?

We want to see crazy spots here. We want to see some up-and-comers get their chance to jump into the championship picture.

We don't want to see over the hill stars and guys who might crush a ladder as they climb it.

Begin Slideshow

That's the end of this slideshow, here are a few more you might like...

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The road to WrestleMania is slowly working it's way round again, with the start barely over the horizon in the form of the Royal Rumble...
My Wrestlemania 26 Dream Matches

In less than five months the "Granddaddy Of Them All" returns. I'm actully quite excited cause with the way things are going on right now a few matches came to mind that I pray to god might happen...
WWE Survivor Series: Five Things We Learned

At the end of every pay-per-view, we are left with many questions and few answers. However, last night at Survivor Series—in a rare change of pace—we were left with plenty of definitive answers...

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written on March 27, 2009 Humor

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