I Love Brad Childress

Tony PetersContributor IMarch 26, 2009

EDEN PRAIRIE, MN - MAY 4:  Minnesota Vikings head coach Brad Childress talks with the media after rookie camp on May 4, 2007 at Olympics Place in Eden Prairie, Minnesota.  (Photo by Scott A. Schneider/Getty Images)

I want to give him a giant kiss on his bald head. I would like to frolic on a spring Minnesota day through fields of clover with this wonderful man. Say what you want about Brad Childress, I believe he is the chosen one. 

In a game where you can learn from your mistakes or die from them Brad is learning.  This is after all, his first time as a Head Coach.  I have many sources who inform me the force is strong in him. 

Besides, he can rock that 'stache. Everyone knows  you could not possibly be a bad coach with a beautiful flavor savor like that. In fact, to all of you fans that don't like winning that are demanding his termination...talk to the 'stache cuz the face ain't listening. 

Now lets talk about cold hard facts. Factoid No. 1: Brad Childress has an IQ of 865.  Factoid No. 2: Vodka grows hair on your lip. Factoid No. 3: Brad likes Vodka. Factoid No. 4: Mustaches win games.

Clearly we have a champion.

In fact, if it wasn't for Brad using a Jedi mind trick on Jared Allen he would have never signed with the Vikings, and if there is one thing that wins more games than a soup strainer its a mullet! 

My sources have told me Jared Allen was minutes away from quiting football and creating a boy band named the Mighty Mullets, until Brad spoke with him.

From now on I demand you refer to this future Hall of Famer as Dr. Childress, or The 'Stache. If you were real fans you would apply Rogaine to your lip and grow a mullet in proud support of this dynamic man.