It's Christmas time around these parts, and Santa's making a list and checking it twice for all the Big Ten teams. It's hard to characterize a football program as naughty or nice—unless you're the NCAA, anyway—but certainly there are some programs in dire need, and what's Santa Claus if not charitable?
So let's look at every Big Ten team and see what Santa's bringing down each of their chimneys. Do athletic buildings have chimneys? Maybe he can just bring them through the front door. Like a UPS guy. Santa should work for UPS. Ehh, he wouldn't look good in brown. Bad for branding.
We're already getting off track. Let's do this.