Folks, I don't know how to start this article, I really don't. The information I have to convey can only be classified as every man's worst nightmare.
See, this article is all about a terrible injury that occurred to MMA fighter Ray Elbe. I guess I'll just come right out and say it—he fractured his penis.
Yes, you read that right. Go ahead, take a moment and shudder, bite your thumb, turn away from the computer and let out a yell, do whatever it is you do when something totally grosses you out or terrifies you.
Here's Elbe's story, via Simon Head of the Mirror:
Mixed martial arts fighters are used to dealing with pain, but for former Ultimate Fighter hopeful Ray Elbe, he had no choice but to tap out to the most painful experience of his life after breaking his penis.
Elbe had previously come close to making a name for himself in the UFC's reality TV show, The Ultimate Fighter, but lost out in the preliminary bouts to decide the season's housemates in 2009.
Unfortunately for him, Elbe has now hit the headlines for rather less pleasant reasons, after sustaining a broken penis while having sex with his girlfriend while in Malaysia on December 3.
If you want more details and the full, harrowing story as told by Elbe himself, he posted a YouTube video recounting the event. Yup, he's gone public with his nightmare.
To his credit, he's at least shown a sense of humor through this whole ordeal.
Like all of you, I've thought about making jokes. Sure, I'm only human. I debated slipping in some innuendo or having a laugh, that sort of thing.
But I couldn't bring myself to do it. This man is a hero, after all. He's going to recover and was brave enough to share his story publicly. He survived the worst injury a man can sustain.
Okay, okay, so maybe that's an exaggeration, but it's still up there on the list of things I hope never happens to me. I think about that sometimes as I watch sports—which injuries would I most hope to avoid?
ACL tears have gone from career-ending to injuries that athletes recover from all the time. Any injury to the ribs sounds incredibly painful, but not worse than a penile fracture.
Same for anything regarding your elbows, Achilles, ankles, groin or back.
Obviously, any sort of injury to the neck or anything dealing with any type of paralysis is far more frightening than this. Same for any concussions that lead to brain damage. But that's about it.
Ray Elbe, I wish you a speedy and relatively pain-free recovery from here on out. As a fellow man, I truly feel for you.
Thankfully, not literally.
Hit me up on Twitter—my tweets are still shuddering.