Big 12 North Coaches Talk of Spring Expectations

(Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

Basketball is slowly winding down, which means that spring football is in the air.

In the era of early recruiting, midterm graduates, scholarship limitations, and strict practice time allowances, spring football has become more important than ever.

We sent correspondents to every Big 12 school to get each coach’s expectations for spring ball and the upcoming season.

Unfortunately, the interviews consisted of mostly boring coachspeak. We were given uninteresting nuggets like these:

“We expect to compete for the north title every year.”

“We go after character first when recruiting.”

“My family and I are happy to be in Lubbock.”

Not only were the answers boring, a lot of them were straight out lies.

We regrouped and sent correspondents back to interview each of the coaches. This time, we took with us a syringe filled with sodium thiopental—better known as truth serum.

We actually had to take a third trip to Kansas after obtaining a large syringe from a veterinarian at the Fort Worth Zoo. With the truth serum in their systems, the coaches seemed to talk in a stream of consciousness dialogue.

Here is a brief rundown of what each coach is really thinking about going into spring practice:

Gary Pinkel, Head Coach of the Missouri Tigers since 2001

We need to replace the quarterback. You know, the guy we had last year, he was good most of the time, but in big games he would get nervous and pick his nose in the huddle. It grossed everyone out and we would fall apart. One game he wore number 25 and he looked fat. I don’t think we’ll be picked to win any big games this year. The pressure is off me for another few years. I’m happy.

Mark Mangino, Head Coach of the Kansas Jayhawks since 2002

With the basketball team still in the tournament, no one is really talking about football right now. I’m trying to delay spring practice until we know our basketball team has been eliminated.

We’re trying to market football practice and are encouraging people to come watch us every day. If we can get enough people out here watching us, we’ll be able to open concession stands, and that will be real convenient for me.

You know, I eat a lot, but I have to. I’m trying to lose weight. For breakfast, I make these healthy shakes in my blender, but they taste awful. I have to throw a hamburger in there just to make them taste right.

Bill Snyder, Head Coach of the Kansas State Wildcats, 1989-2005, Rehired in 2009

I’m already scouring the JUCO’s for my next team. I’ll have this thing back on track in two years. Look, I’m a mean SOB, and I don’t care who knows it. I hate most people—even my own team.

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