Teams We Love to Watch Lose

Dan Carson@@DrCarson73Trending Lead WriterDecember 18, 2012

Teams We Love to Watch Lose

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    Call it "schadenfreude." Call it "mean-spirited." Call it "hating."

    But the truth is, as sports fans, many of us come together and end up rooting against many of the same teams. We do it for many reasons: They're cheaters; they're too good; or because it just makes us feel better, for some strange selfish reason.

    The following list is a rundown of the teams that make us feel like winners when they lose.

    And yes, we're haters. We know.

Duke Blue Devils

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    They’re always good, they’re always flopping and the national media have all but carried Mike Krzyzewski to the top of Pride Rock and anointed him college basketball’s Messiah.

    Duke is the kind of team we like watching lose because we enjoy the thought of whitewater rafting down the streets of Durham, North Carolina after they’ve been flooded with the tears of approximately 6,000 former high school salutatorians. 

Dallas Cowboys

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    Few things do the soul good like watching Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones try to keep his blood from pouring out of his eyes after he has watched his Cowboys get destroyed by the Chicago Bears at home on his big shiny fail screen

The Miami Heat

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    A novella could be written about the tangible evidence the Heat have given us to make the world hate them, but put simply: We love hating the Heat because the Heat love to be hated.

    They’ve developed a full-blown Kanye-Westian strain of Stockholm Syndrome—a cyclical condition that requires haters for fuel and d-baggery to provide said haters.

    And as long as they’re playing their part, we’ll play ours.

New York Jets

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    Few programs make losing as enjoyable to watch as the New York Jets

    We relish watching a Jets loss because it’s like watching a three-ring circus of stubbornness, dirty laundry and butt-fumbles burn to the ground on top of a clown car dealership.

Barcelona FC

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    Our selfish nature as human beings dictates that none of us ever can enjoy watching the highest paid team with the best player in the entire world win.

    Besides the Barca faithful, few fans of any club wish good upon the squad that calls Camp Nou home, and fewer still wish to hear more of their players being compared to Messi.

Kentucky Wildcats

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    Cocky. Unrepentant. And that’s just the Wildcats' basketball head coach.

    Between its one-and-done recruiting strategy, dubiously lavish player amenities and coach John Calipari’s refusal to play non-conference rivals outside of neutral courts, it seems like pretty much anyone who isn’t a Kentucky fan wants to see John Calipari and his “unconventional” basketball program lose.

Real Madrid

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    No one wants to cheer for the team with the player who said he would “vote for himself” for the Ballon d’Or. 

    So it’s not so much that people want to see Real Madrid lose, it’s more like soccer fans don’t want to see a boo-hooing Cristiano Ronaldo win.

    At anything.

USC Trojans

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    Trojan football nearly has a perfect storm of hater-rific qualities going for it—beautiful cheerleaders, an infertile crop of pretty quarterbacks who can’t cut it in the NFL and a long tradition of winning, marred by big, fat scandals.

    You might’ve been the “No. 1 football factory” back in the day, but as far as haters are concerned, you’re just crowding the league with Carson Palmer-esque mediocrity and butt-fumbles these days.

    Two butt-fumble drops in one article? Can he go for the hat-trick?? No, unfortunately I don't.

Los Angeles Lakers

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    They have the rings, the stars and the controversy.

    We love to see the Lakers lose—especially when we get to see Stephen A. Smith grill Kobe about it afterward.

    Also, some of us would also probably like to never see these two bros be happy ever again.

Chicago Cubs

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    Besides Chicago White Sox fans, no one enjoys watching the Chicago Cubs lose more than Cubs fans.

    Just like Charlie Kelly at the World Series, fans at Wrigley Field don’t come for the wins—they come to relax, get blackout drunk and be left alone as they find out that this year won't be "the year," again.

New York Yankees

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    Twenty-seven World Series championships. Ridiculous player contracts. Wrathful ownership.

    A franchise whose symbol has been hijacked and sold out to the world of fashion and crime.

    Where would American sports fans be today without the towering Yankees dynasty of money-making exceptionalism to hate on?

New England Patriots

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    They don’t do it often, but when Tom Brady and the New England Patriots struggle, the collective hater nation of football fans outside of Northeast America kicks back, heats up some popcorn and basks in the moment.

    Between our jealous hatred of Tom Brady’s golden-boy Ugg-Boot lifestyle and our disdain for a cheating coach who goes to work dressed as a truck-station drifter, many fans of the NFL wish the New England Patriots dynasty nothing but the swiftest and most total ending.

Brazil Soccer

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    With five World Cup wins in its trophy case, outspoken haters of Brazil’s national soccer team usually cannot claim to be anything but jealous of the team's success.

UConn Huskies

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    They don’t just win games. The University of Connecticut women’s basketball team “throttles” its opponents

    Having won six national championships in the last 13 years, the "Lady Huskies" are almost always the Goliath team of women’s college basketball. Now please lose so we can believe in our childish underdog dreams again.

All Blacks New Zealand National Rugby Team

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    Everybody wants to see giants fall—especially big arrogant ones who guard their treasure jealously and dress in all black.

The Notre Dame Fighting Irish

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    They aren’t in a college football conference so they don’t have to split their bowl winnings. Their fans try to make outsiders feel as if it’s a privilege to attend their home games. And they use real-gold karat paint on their helmets so they sparkle extra-special.

    For haters, Notre Dame football is the mediocre-looking girl at the party who thinks she’s “too hot” to be hanging out with us mere mortals.