DBB Sports' Sweet 16 of Basketball Movies

(Photo by Adam Pretty/Getty Images)

The Sweet 16 is here. Good, because it’s been almost four days since I was annoyed by Digger Phelps telling me Memphis is "vulnerable."

Memo to DP: Shut your piehole. Memo No. 2: Please use your highlighter to highlight the previous sentence. Assclown.
 
The hoops S16 got E-Shore thinking: "What’s more entertaining than college hoops?," "Why is Megan Fox so hot?," and "Speaking of hoops and entertainment, what are the 16 best hoops movies?"
 
Well, much like I did in college when someone passed around the one-hitter, I couldn’t just let that pass me by without addressing it; that would be rude. So I engaged. Here are E-Shore’s Sweet 16 of hoops movies:

Hoosiers

Can’t argue with this one.  "Run the picket fence," Hickory, Jimmy Chitwood.  You’re not going to find a better Hackman role.  And Isiah Thomas, Magic, and Larry Legend (legend to everyone, except to his illegitimate daughter he ignores) say they feel a chill in their short shorts every time they watch Ollie go clutch.  

White Men Can’t Jump

"We’re goin to Sizzler." Bad tie-dye fashion? Check. Bad slo-mo basketball sequences? Check. "So bad it was good" acting by Marques Johnson? Check. Eddie Shore doesn’t care if Rosie Perez’s voice makes you want to crawl out of your skin, she shows off her two best acting assets, and the first 30 minutes are killer. "It’s hard god damn work" not to like this one.

He Got Game

Hmm, is it coincidence that one of Spike Lee’s better movies "doesn’t" include Spike Lee in a major acting role? Eddie Shore knows the answer.  
 
Not the best movie ever, but Denzel is pretty sweet, Ray Allen’s outfits are ridiculous, and P.S.: You had me at "Jesus Shuttlesworth." Eddie Shore’s new official fake name for every restaurant reservation (just to see the reaction from hostess). "Shuttlesworth, party of four."

Above the Rim

A guilty pleasure movie. Tu reasons I love this.  Tupac is in it.  AND Birdie, his character, hides a razor blade in his mouth (how you practice that skillset?).  Plus Shep’s 1-on-1 against nobody, with no ball, is the best of it’s kind in cinematic history.

Blue Chips

Sure Shaq acted like a prima donna, and we found out later, he’s not acting.  But E-Shore digs Nick Nolte as Bobby Knight, plus the DUI, plus the bad mug shot, minus the bitterness of not being able to bully, choke, and demean kids anymore.  If I’m ever bored, and nothing is on, I have no problem watching 3-5 minutes of this one.

Space Jam

NBA stars and cartoons.  What about that seems off?  It’s common knowledge, no athlete in any sport (ever) is a better fit for your kids than NBA stars who notoriously smoke tree, and have babies out of wedlock.  What about their lifestyle doesn’t make you think cartoon-friendly? Let’s ask Wilt’s 10,000 lays.

Glory Road

I loved Matthew McConaughey in this one about the first-ever all-African-American...wait that was Josh Lucas?  Eh, there’s a difference?

Juwanna Mann

The movie is unwatchable, the basketball is unwatchable...Vivica A Fox is not. This is on the list only for one reason: in case David Stern ever stops by the Shore compound, I can show him why he should kill the WNBA.  Even scripted it sucks.

You're currently logged into Facebook

Do you want to share your Bleacher Report activity on Facebook?