The 2012 Athlete Superlative Awards

Dan Carson@@DrCarson73Trending Lead WriterDecember 14, 2012

The 2012 Athlete Superlative Awards

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    Remember the good old awkward days of high school? We try not to, either.

    But that doesn't stop us from cracking our old year books from time to time and reminiscing on the friends, enemies and weirdos we went to school with.

    And that's what we're doing today with this list—taking a stroll down the memory lane of this past year and doling out superlative awards to the athletes that deserve them the most.

    Put simply, if there were a sports yearbook made for 2012, the athletes on this list would be our choice for "class clowns," "best smile" and beyond.

Men's "Best Smile": Cam Newton

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    Love him or hate him, Cam Newton has a million dollar smile to go with his $22 million contract. 

Women's "Best Smile": Alex Morgan

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    We could get into all the levels of how girl-next-door cute Alex Morgan is, but for now let’s just appreciate the fact that she’s got an excellent set of chompers and she knows how to flash them at the camera.

Men's "Class Clown": DeAndre Jordan

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    He might not sneak up on you and lock your belt loop to your desk, but DeAndre Jordan's horse mask hijinx and spider pranks are the kind of class clown antics that play just as well in a hall full of lockers as they do on Venice Beach.

Women's "Class Clown": Caroline Wozniacki

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    Few things in this world draw more laughs than a good impersonation—especially when you can do rock solid version of one of your more eccentric friends.

    And Danish tennis star Caroline Wozniacki recently hit the nail right on the head with her rendition of Serena Williams at a recent exhibition tennis game.

"Best Dressed" Man: Russell Westbrook

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    While we were all trying to bend and break the dress code whenever and wherever we could at school, there were always the Russell Westbrook's of the class who’d come in buttoned down and swimming in khaki. 

    Got to give it to Westbrook—although sometimes he gets a little out there with his threads, he sets the style bar high for athlete style.

"Best Dressed" Woman: Lolo Jones

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    Just because she could choke you into an early grave with her thighs doesn’t mean Lolo Jones lacks feminine flair.

    Between her dress at the ESPYs and outfits at the Olympic after-party, she’d likely be the sleekest looking date at Prom. 

Men's "Most Likely to Succeed": Peyton Manning

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    He breaks down defenses, cracks up audiences and never stops working to be his best. 

    In terms of overcoming adversity and excelling at anything he puts his mind to, there is perhaps no one more bound for long term success in life than Peyton Manning.

Women's "Most Likely to Succeed": Serena Williams

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    Serena Williams has proven time and again that she has the talent and the drive to overcome any obstacle that comes her way—even if that obstacle is getting a clothing line underway.

    That’s right, Williams has expanded her area of interest and is planning for long-term success in the fashion world.

    “I’m an unbelievable designer,” said Williams in an August interview with “I don’t know how... I worked hard to be a tennis player, I don’t work hard to be a designer.”

    Given the fact that Williams already has her line of clothes on the market and her general inability to fail, we’re compelled to believe her.

Men's "Life of the Party": Brian Wilson

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    “Everybody chill out! Brian’s on his way AND HE’S BRINGING THE KEG TAP!”

    If Brian Wilson wasn’t the first guy to jump in the pool and the last guy to leave every high school house party, I will eat my own shoe. I mean, just read the guy’s high school yearbook quote.

Women's "Life of the Party": Michelle Jenneke

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    She’s confident. She can dance. And she doesn’t mind if a man wants to enjoy the simple things in life like eating his pancakes with a set of nunchucks

    Michelle Jenneke can party with us anytime.

Men's "Biggest Flirt": Alex Rodriguez

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    Flirters gonna flirt. Which is exactly what A-Rod does when he gets pulled from the game and starts slipping baseballs to fine women in the stands asking for their digits.

    I thought flirting meant sitting next to a girl and sweating nervously for half of third period until you work up the courage to ask if you can borrow some lead from their purple pencil bag.

Women's "Biggest Flirt": Danica Patrick

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    I don’t want to go to the web site, Danica! Quit playing with my heart strings and let’s finish this commercial right here, right now, once and for all! I’m tired of being the cats paw trapped in your tawdry web of domain names!

"Cutest Couple": Christian Ponder and Samantha Steele

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    An NFL quarterback and a sportscaster girl fall in love, deal with media criticism for their relationship and are engaged within months. It doesn’t get much more precious than that.

Men's "Best Hair": Tom Brady

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    It’s got to be the hair, Cotton. No matter what he is doing with the flow, Tom Brady’s hair is always feathered, gorgeous and lethal.

    You just don’t see that anymore nowadays.

Women's "Best Hair": Maria Verchenova

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    Although it's usually braided up in a ponytail and stuffed under a visor, when Russian golfer Maria Verchenova lets her hair down, it's a thing of pure beauty.

Men's "Biggest Ego": Cristiano Ronaldo

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    James. Ochocinco. Owens. These guys and plenty others in the wide world of sports could easily hold the title of “Biggest Ego,” but the name that stands out most to me is Cristiano Ronaldo—who’s not happy with his lot in life as a millionaire-athlete-celebrity-model.

    We know you’re not thrilled being with Real Madrid, but seriously—why so sad, Ronaldo?

Women's "Biggest Ego": McKayla Maroney

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    McKayla Maroney undoubtedly won the hearts of many Americans at the London Olympic Games. 

    But I will say that you could store Maroney’s smugness in a Grey Poupon bottle and spread it on toast it’s so thick. Or you could spread it on a croissant—she’d probably prefer that.