2012 Holiday Cards for Every NFL Team
Sharing holiday cards with family, friends and colleagues is an annual tradition around the world. The NFL community is certainly no exception.
While most corporate cards can be boring and devoid of personality, teams in the NFL always manage to capture the essence of the holidays with their seasonal greetings.
Through spirited sleuthing and yuletide gumption, we have collected and compiled the good tidings from every NFL team to share with you.
These are in no way just ideas that NFL lead writer Josh Zerkle and I thought up in an egg-nog-infused brainstorming session that preceded five days of merry Photoshopping. These are as real as the fat red man stuck in your chimney.
Good tidings from us to you. Let's get to the cards.
NFC East: New York Giants
Giants fans will be wishing for the same thing again this Christmas.
What a difference a year, and a player, can make for the spirit of a city.
Be honest, if Jerry hasn't had Santa sit on his lap and ask for things every year, he will now.
With Andy Reid dressed like Santa, the Eagles' holiday party had all the merriment of a Monday press conference.
NFC North: Green Bay Packers
A question Josh Zerkle posed: Is there an NFL superstar who would be more likely than Aaron Rodgers to give up the game to become a dentist?
There is not.
There isn't enough bubble wrap in the world to protect Jay Cutler down the stretch.
In Minnesota, Purple Jesus maybe be giving the other guy a run for his money this holiday season.
It was an accident, Santa. A total accident.
NFC South: Atlanta Falcons
I believe Santa, the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy are in cahoots with all this delicious holiday candy. That's what I believe.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
I admire playing to the final whistle.
I have a tendency to give up earlier and earlier each year. The nice thing is that eventually, I'll just stop trying altogether. That's a resolution I can keep.
New Orleans Saints
While probably a better visual, a flaming pile of canine excrement would be a logistical nightmare to ship.
I would pay to see inside Cam Newton's closet. I bet he has a dozen sweaters just like this.
NFC West: San Francisco 49ers
There is no truth to the rumor that Colin Kaepernick is changing his last name to Smith this Christmas.
Right now, based on the NFC standings, the Seahawks would make the playoffs and the Packers would miss out on a bye and home-field advantage in the NFC Divisional round. Maybe the Packers are the ones who should be sending coal to Roger Goodell.
There is still hope that if the Seahawks do make the playoffs, they will have to travel to Green Bay on Wild Card Weekend. Call it a Christmas wish.
St. Louis Rams
When a mustache starts to gray, can we call it "flocked" too?
September has never seemed further away.
AFC East: New England Patriots
Highest. Scoring. Christmas. Party. Ever.
New York Jets
Tebow was the savior in Denver last year, so we needed to change it up. I do wonder, however, if Jesus would need a headset to talk to the man—ahem—upstairs.
There is no truth to the rumor that this is Chan Gailey's handwriting.
I have actually never seen a Hanukkah bush in real life, but people do sell them. Somewhere in Miami, there's a community center where a dozen old Jews are arguing over who gets to put the Star of David atop this year's shrub.
Imagining that makes me want to find a bunch of old Jews and play dreidel. I can't wait to get old.
AFC North: Baltimore Ravens
Now that Cam Cameron is home for the holidays and Jim Caldwell is taking over the offense, will Joe Flacco become more or less elite?
In a related note, hand the damn ball off to Ray Rice, Jim. Happy Holidays.
The pony would probably line up for the Steelers and get hurt this year too.
A Christmas tree made of books is really neat and inspiring.
Can someone print and bind the Internet so we can get started on our tree?
Cleveland is like the Charlie Brown of major American sports cities. Nice tree, though.
AFC South: Houston Texans
The Texans will go as far as Arian Foster and J.J. Watt can take them.
Sadly, that may not be past New England this year, if their recent matchup proves to have been a visit from the Ghost of
Christmas Playoffs' Future.
Are the Colts lucky, good, or both? This year, Luck sure has made them look good.
The cookies do look delicious.
Zerkle and I laughed about this one for about 30 minutes. MJD as Tiny Tim is truly inspired. I'm not sure who is bringing the goose though.
AFC West: Denver Broncos
Twelve million pizzas. No, a billion pizzas. Free pizzas for a lifetime for everyone in Denver.
San Diego Chargers
A.J. Smith would turn into a cubic zirconia.
I suppose there could be worse gifts this year for Raiders fans than Carson Palmer. Like, say, the worst defense in the NFL.
Kansas City Chiefs
Good will to men...and women.