Monday's Thoughts: Armstrong's Fall and Schilling's Goodbye

Monday stream of consciousness...

Lance Armstrong fell in a race in Spain and fractured his clavicle leaving his ability to race in this year's Tour de France in question. Race officials later showed up at the hospital where Armstrong was being treated and collected urine for a random drug test. They did bring flowers and a nice get-well-soon card, however.

Lawyer/boyfriend/sycophant Howard K. Stern plotted to kill Anna Nicole Smith by giving her a daily cocktail of sedatives, anti-anxiety medications, and narcotics that would kill a large horse? Noooooooo, I cannot believe that. He loved her, not her money!

I would place this turn of events in the "Alanis Morissette, Isn't It Ironic, Don't You Think?" category, considering that Ms. Smith initially acquired her wealth by thrusting her triple D's in the face of a 103 year old guy who was two hard coughs from his deathbed. Not to mention a man who also happened to be worth a few cool billion and was in a feud with his kids who would otherwise have inherited his fortune.

While running for the position of interim Mayor of Detroit, Dave Bing recently revealed many of his other achievements: 1) He has a law degree and a medical degree from Harvard, although he chooses not to practice law or medicine because of other interests. 2) He is an accomplished astronaut and has ventured on several missions to the moon. 3) Volta, Ampere, Ohm, and Coulomb were idiots; it was actually Dave who discovered electricity, and the true unit of electrical charge should be the "Bing". 4) He is very close to curing the common cold.

Curt Schilling retired from baseball, and about ten years too late. This self-important, hypocritical blowhard will be the most annoying geezer at the retirement home, always turning in other folks for cheating on their bingo cards, criticizing his peers for crapping in their pants, and demanding a list of all the fogeys who received an extra cup of rice pudding at lunch.

Look for Matt Holliday and Bobby Crosby of the A's, and Chris Duncan and Skip Schumaker of the Cardinals to have huge years in 2009. Why? They've hired Mark McGwire as their "hitting instructor". It's not that I think that much of the giant ginger as a hitting coach. I'm just anticipating that the special "protein shakes" that McGwire gives them after their workouts may result in significantly increased power numbers, unprovoked rages, and body hair in weird places.

I like Jim Schwartz so far. It's still early, and there's only one place to go after suffering through a decade with Marty Monday Mornhing (weg) Sickness and Rod "Don't make fun of me for being a nepotist or I'll get you fired" Marinelli, but this guy is saying all the right things.

The Lions have made a couple constructive moves already since his hiring, and he aptly recognized that Marinelli had built a defense full of guys who are/were fast but who are/were also pussy willows that would be pancaked by a stiff breeze. I just hope that he is leading a push to trade for Jay Cutler. The Lions need help at every position, but they will never contend for anything without a stud under center.

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