Hockey players usually find a way to keep their sense of humor.
The grind of a season that lasts more than six months (usually) and 82 games complete with travel and tension often lends itself to funny moments. Since hockey players are men playing a boy's game, they find a way to make a witty and insightful comment about the absurdity of the situation.
Here is a look at the 20 funniest hockey quotes of all time. Feel free to add some that I missed; there are so many good ones. Enjoy this list; I hope it brings a smile to fans' faces while we await the end of the lockout.
"The remedy now is two scotches and an aspirin, I think."
Former Bruins GM Harry Sinden after his team was eliminated from the playoffs.
"Arrive at the net with the puck and in ill humor."
Flyers Coach Fred Shero during the height of the "Broad Street Bullies" era
"When he put out his arms to celebrate, the rest of us skated immediately to the bench and left him there all alone.”
Dave Taylor on why no teammates celebrated a goal with teammate Marcel Dionne after he received a death threat if he scored twice in a game.
"I slept like a baby. Every two hours, I woke up and cried."
Former NHL coach Tom McVie on how he slept after a particularly bad loss.
"Sometimes people ask, 'Are hockey fights real?' I say, 'If they weren’t, I’d get in more of them.'"
Wayne Gretzky on fighting in hockey.
"Why is a puck called a puck? Because dirty little bastard was taken."
Devils goalie Martin Brodeur.
"I'm just glad it wasn't Machete Night."
Former Rangers goalie Bob Froese after fans at Madison Square Garden threw mugs on the ice on 'Mug Night.'
"My teeth weren’t that good to begin with, so hopefully I can get some better ones."
Blackhawks defenseman Duncan Keith after losing more teeth during a game.
"I will personally challenge anyone who wants to get rid of fighting to a fight."
Leafs GM Brian Burke on the possible elimination of fighting from the NHL.
"The top three worst things I've seen in hockey? The invention of the trap. The invention of the morning skate. And the invention of the extremely ugly uniform."
Hockey Hall of Famer Brett Hull
"I didn’t hear him because my two Stanley Cup rings were plugging my ears.”
Goalie Patrick Roy after a war of words with Jeremy Roenick.
"Half the game is mental; the other half is being mental.”
Former Maple Leaf Jim McKenny
"The three important elements in hockey are: the forecheck, the backcheck and the paycheck."
Former Sabres center Gilbert Perreault.
"Yeah, I’m cocky and I am arrogant. But that doesn’t mean I’m not a nice person.”
"The playoffs separate the men from the boys, and we found out we have a lot of boys in our dressing room.”
Former Rangers GM Neil Smith after his team was eliminated from the playoffs.
"I was a multi-millionaire from playing hockey. Then I got divorced, and now I am a millionaire.”
Former Blackhawks sniper and Hockey Hall of Famer, Bobby Hull.
"I don’t want to get into a 'he said, she said' with the refs…I’m the he."
Defenseman Chris Pronger.
"The only difference between this and Custer’s last stand was that Custer didn’t have to look at the tape afterward.”
Former Lightning coach Terry Crisp after his team lost a game 10-0.
"We get nose jobs all the time in the NHL, and we don’t even have to go to the hospital.”
Hall of Fame defenseman Brad Park
"All hockey players are bilingual; they speak English and profanity."