Vanderbilt Superior to "The University of Tennessee"

Eric Jackson by Correspondent Written on March 23, 2008
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Potential Vanderbilt University student-athletes are meticulously evaluated and scrutinized. Only the finest minds are even considered for admission to this elite university. Vanderbilt University student-athletes are students first. When they matriculate at Vanderbilt University, it is guaranteed that within four years, they will ALL be well educated bright young men and women who will go well beyond sports to be productive citizens.

Do you have the ability to fog a mirror? Can you walk upright and feed yourself (mostly)? Can you run like a gazelle and block like a bear, crushing other men in your path? Can you shoot a leather ball through a hoop and elbow other men (or women) in the nose when you jump to grab that leather ball? Excellent! You're admitted to the University of Tennessee!

Every student athlete attending the University of Tennessee in Knoxville is also a pot-smoking, gun-toting thug who beats their wife/girlfriend. They are not just average, but dumb to the core and incapable of learning and success beyond sports. Lucky not to end up in prison (like most do), they never graduate and only serve their purpose by scoring touchdowns/3-pointers for the ignorant, hillbilly Jethro Nation UT fans who are toothless, moonshine-swilling degenerates.

Post-college
Vanderbilt University alumni are voraciously gobbled up by the economy. Potential employers clamor for their services and are known to go into no-holds-barred bidding wars to recruit them because of their incomparable abilities and intellect. And those are the ones that don't go on to law or medical school.

Have you been to a car wash lately? The scraggly, ne'er-do-wells that dry your Vanderbilt-University-recent-graduate S-class Mercedes with dirty rags? Those are the vermin that just left UT. Whatever you do, don't make eye contact with them. They're filthy, smelly, and uneducated. When not working (which is most of the time) they clog up the justice system with assault and drug arrests. Vanderbilt educated attorneys occasionally defend them pro bono (that's free, Jethro Nation) when they're not working on a high-profile corporate merger or other million-dollar litigation.

There you have it! Now you know the difference between "UT" and Vanderbilt University. Hopefully you'll never have to associate with any of those UT people.

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written on March 23, 2008 Humor

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