Vanderbilt Superior to "The University of Tennessee"

Many of you outside of Tennessee are unaware of the dichotomy that exists within our state. The University of Tennessee and Vanderbilt University stand in stark contrast to one another. Below is a comparison of the two schools.

Location
Nashville, the Athens of the South, is the cradle of education in the State of Tennessee. Vanderbilt University is her crown jewel. Unfortunately, Nashville is also within the state of Tennessee. This means the inevitable association with that third-rate public institution to the East, the "University of Tennessee."

The lower-education institution, also known as "UT," is located in the heart of redneck, NASCAR-loving East Tennessee; Knoxville. It is a barely functioning example of the third world within the United States. Mostly run by moronic, witless idiots, Knoxville and surrounding counties are overrun with inbred "Jethro Nation" hillbillies. The rich ones have outhouses.

Campus
Vanderbilt University is as close to Harvard as you can get without actually going to Cambridge, Massachussets. Filled with a multitude stately academic buildings—the finest that architecture can produce —and massive magnolia trees, Vanderbilt's campus is the only font of moral and intellectual superiority within 500 miles. Athletic facilities are located on the fringes of campus.

Jethro Nation worships at two hideously constructed leviathans known as Neyland Stadium and Thompson-Boling Arena. This is where UT's "student athletes" do battle with the other football factories in the Southeastern Conference. Orange clad "Sidewalk Alumni" idiots fill these overblown double-wides on game day, frothing at the mouth for a victory; clamoring for humiliating defeat of their opponent. There are also a few other brick buildings on campus. What goes on within those buildings is unknown.

Athletics
Vanderbilt University has a storied men's baseball program. The women's bowling team earned back-to-back national titles! They're hoping for a "three-peat" this year. The admission records of these women will be double-checked to make sure they're all future Rhodes Scholars and that none were admitted for their bowling prowess alone.

Only one thing matters at the University of Tennessee: FOOTBALL. Beyond that, they really don't care. "Academics" is a cover for the activity on campus that is solely designed to produce SEC championships and arrest records.

Game Day
Wealthy Vanderbilt alumni and their genteel families gather on game day to watch the future captains of industry compete against their swarthy, bulging opponents in the Southeastern Conference. Associating with the lesser beings that make up the majority of the Southeastern Conference is the ONLY downside to being a part of Vanderbilt University.

Hillbillies coming straight from committing incest roll out of the hills surrounding Knoxville on Saturday to see their "Vols" rip their opponents limb from limb. Swilling RC Cola (moonshine for those 12 and above) and Moon Pies, these toothless hicks invade like an army of cockroaches infesting a Red Lobster dumpster in Miami Beach in August.

Student-Athletes

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