Many of you outside of Tennessee are unaware of the dichotomy that exists within our state. The University of Tennessee and Vanderbilt University stand in stark contrast to one another. Below is a comparison of the two schools.
Location
Nashville, the Athens of the South, is the cradle of education in the State of Tennessee. Vanderbilt University is her crown jewel. Unfortunately, Nashville is also within the state of Tennessee. This means the inevitable association with that third-rate public institution to the East, the "University of Tennessee."
The lower-education institution, also known as "UT," is located in the heart of redneck, NASCAR-loving East Tennessee; Knoxville. It is a barely functioning example of the third world within the United States. Mostly run by moronic, witless idiots, Knoxville and surrounding counties are overrun with inbred "Jethro Nation" hillbillies. The rich ones have outhouses.
Campus
Vanderbilt University is as close to Harvard as you can get without actually going to Cambridge, Massachussets. Filled with a multitude stately academic buildings—the finest that architecture can produce —and massive magnolia trees, Vanderbilt's campus is the only font of moral and intellectual superiority within 500 miles. Athletic facilities are located on the fringes of campus.
Jethro Nation worships at two hideously constructed leviathans known as Neyland Stadium and Thompson-Boling Arena. This is where UT's "student athletes" do battle with the other football factories in the Southeastern Conference. Orange clad "Sidewalk Alumni" idiots fill these overblown double-wides on game day, frothing at the mouth for a victory; clamoring for humiliating defeat of their opponent. There are also a few other brick buildings on campus. What goes on within those buildings is unknown.
Athletics
Vanderbilt University has a storied men's baseball program. The women's bowling team earned back-to-back national titles! They're hoping for a "three-peat" this year. The admission records of these women will be double-checked to make sure they're all future Rhodes Scholars and that none were admitted for their bowling prowess alone.
Only one thing matters at the University of Tennessee: FOOTBALL. Beyond that, they really don't care. "Academics" is a cover for the activity on campus that is solely designed to produce SEC championships and arrest records.
Game Day
Wealthy Vanderbilt alumni and their genteel families gather on game day to watch the future captains of industry compete against their swarthy, bulging opponents in the Southeastern Conference. Associating with the lesser beings that make up the majority of the Southeastern Conference is the ONLY downside to being a part of Vanderbilt University.
Hillbillies coming straight from committing incest roll out of the hills surrounding Knoxville on Saturday to see their "Vols" rip their opponents limb from limb. Swilling RC Cola (moonshine for those 12 and above) and Moon Pies, these toothless hicks invade like an army of cockroaches infesting a Red Lobster dumpster in Miami Beach in August.
Student-Athletes
Potential Vanderbilt University student-athletes are meticulously evaluated and scrutinized. Only the finest minds are even considered for admission to this elite university. Vanderbilt University student-athletes are students first. When they matriculate at Vanderbilt University, it is guaranteed that within four years, they will ALL be well educated bright young men and women who will go well beyond sports to be productive citizens.
Do you have the ability to fog a mirror? Can you walk upright and feed yourself (mostly)? Can you run like a gazelle and block like a bear, crushing other men in your path? Can you shoot a leather ball through a hoop and elbow other men (or women) in the nose when you jump to grab that leather ball? Excellent! You're admitted to the University of Tennessee!
Every student athlete attending the University of Tennessee in Knoxville is also a pot-smoking, gun-toting thug who beats their wife/girlfriend. They are not just average, but dumb to the core and incapable of learning and success beyond sports. Lucky not to end up in prison (like most do), they never graduate and only serve their purpose by scoring touchdowns/3-pointers for the ignorant, hillbilly Jethro Nation UT fans who are toothless, moonshine-swilling degenerates.
Post-college
Vanderbilt University alumni are voraciously gobbled up by the economy. Potential employers clamor for their services and are known to go into no-holds-barred bidding wars to recruit them because of their incomparable abilities and intellect. And those are the ones that don't go on to law or medical school.
Have you been to a car wash lately? The scraggly, ne'er-do-wells that dry your Vanderbilt-University-recent-graduate S-class Mercedes with dirty rags? Those are the vermin that just left UT. Whatever you do, don't make eye contact with them. They're filthy, smelly, and uneducated. When not working (which is most of the time) they clog up the justice system with assault and drug arrests. Vanderbilt educated attorneys occasionally defend them pro bono (that's free, Jethro Nation) when they're not working on a high-profile corporate merger or other million-dollar litigation.
There you have it! Now you know the difference between "UT" and Vanderbilt University. Hopefully you'll never have to associate with any of those UT people.
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6 months ago
Looks like somebody is a bit jealous of UT's athletics.
6 months ago
This is the most asinine column I have read in 2008, and probably much, much longer than that! It makes no sense, is complete with misrepresentations, and is at-best, the most non-humorous farce I have read, in actually, much longer than just 2008.
Seeing how the author is actually from UT, he is obviously attempting (though woefully failing) to be a "Paul Finebaum Mini-Me"...... except this author is obviously lacking the intelligence, creativity, and use of satiric humor of Finebaum------ the scary thing is this appears I am actually complementing Finebaum on his journalistic abilities...... WOW- that was not my intent; rather, it was this author is totally unimaginative, and makes an extremely poor attempt at "creating illogical controversy via a lack of humor" ....... It's such a poor column, it is hard to tell what the objective really is!
If your writing approach and (lack of) skills are representative of Tennessee's School of Journalism- well maybe I should apologize, as this author appears to be a perfect example of what the author poorly attempted to represent as Tennessee alumni/fans..........
If this is the type of nonsensical column the "Bleacher Report" takes pride in publishing- well, I guess I should be more critical of the "Bleacher Report's" lack of understanding editorial relevance, poor use of satire and general managerial decision making in publishing something as poor as this!
Bleacher Report- for your own sake, I hope you didn't pay to publish this column..... if so, this was a very, very poor use of your investor's money!
6 months ago
I LOVE IT! I am still laughing, and agree 100% with all that you said. I am a Georgia fan, but have always liked Vanderbilt. I have always hated those idiotic hillbillies, and you describe those hicks perfectly. I hate everything about NASCAR central. Vanderbilt is a classy school, with classy fans. In fact, I have a few friends that are Vanderbilt alumni, and of course, they are doing quite well in their chosen professions.
I live in Florida, and for the last 2 years, those dumb moonshiners have come down here for the Outback Bowl. Being a Dawg fan, I have never had a problem with a Gator fan. But the last 2 years, I wore my Matt Stafford jersey to some bowl functions, and both times, a UT moron had to try and start some shit with me. 2 years ago, this hick started talking trash, and I told him to F*** off and go back to the woods. This past year, there was a drunk Jethro fan, who had never heard of soap and a wash rag. He started some crap, and I gave him the same treatment.
I am definitely saving this excellent piece of writing, so I can refer to it again and again, to always get a great laugh. THANK YOU!
6 months ago
I LOVE IT! I am still laughing, and agree 100% with all that you said. I am a Georgia fan, but have always liked Vanderbilt. I have always hated those idiotic hillbillies, and you describe those hicks perfectly. I hate everything about NASCAR central. Vanderbilt is a classy school, with classy fans. In fact, I have a few friends that are Vanderbilt alumni, and of course, they are doing quite well in their chosen professions.
I live in Florida, and for the last 2 years, those dumb moonshiners have come down here for the Outback Bowl. Being a Dawg fan, I have never had a problem with a Gator fan. But the last 2 years, I wore my Matt Stafford jersey to some bowl functions, and both times, a UT moron had to try and start some shit with me. 2 years ago, this hick started talking trash, and I told him to F*** off and go back to the woods. This past year, there was a drunk Jethro fan, who had never heard of soap and a wash rag. He started some crap, and I gave him the same treatment.
I am definitely saving this excellent piece of writing, so I can refer to it again and again, to always get a great laugh. THANK YOU!
6 months ago
This article is ridiculous. I am a graduate of The University of Tennessee and had a lot of friends at Vanderbilt including my girlfriend during college and have spent a lot of time at both universities and there is not one bit of truth in this article. The author is obviously very jealous of UT or they would not be so bitter. I've also been to UGA and the fans in Athens, Gainesville, and Tuscaloosa are as bad as they get. They were the most classless fans I've ever seen, so a Georgia fan talking bad about UT doesn't really mean anything.
6 months ago
if youins wurnt such pussies i,d give ya a sniff!try climbin a "cliff wid trees instead uva notes so you don't getta nose bleed you peckheads....hey georgie how bout dem bullpusses {35-14}???
6 months ago
if youins wurnt such pussies i,d give ya a sniff!try climbin a "cliff wid trees instead uva notes so you don't getta nose bleed you peckheads....hey georgie how bout dem bullpusses {35-14}???
6 months ago
seriously,do you really think that highly of yourself???or your soooo highly regarded miniversity???because if you weren't soooo conceded we could help you with the hallucinations by sharing some of our "good ole juice"with you!!!please remember if we were only concerned with the academia your miniversity would be number one!focus on the "if"because as a sports entity you s**k!!!so those of us who enjoy both a academic and sporty college experience where a balanced life prevails over snotty dweebhood have many opportunities 2 lead successful lives as well!!!so please eat a chill pill and get a life !!!
6 months ago
When you are left bragging about your women's bowling team, I'd say that is reason enough to pull out of the SEC and find a conference that is more in line with the competition Vandy can put on the field. I can understand why they want to stay in the SEC. They readily accept the cash produced by the powerhouses of the SEC while at the same time they proclaim how much better a school they have. Maybe Vandy should quit prostituting their school by accepting this money and go play Div III so they can compete for championships (outside of women's bowling).
6 months ago
Vandie is so very ONE-AND DONE! This schtick is so typical of the whiney Vandie fans. Also apropos that a dawg-breath from Georgia would side with such inane ramblings. Illegitimate stepchildren of the SEC. C'mon Vandie-boy...your so-called Player of the Year, "Sham" Foster can't play any defense (he was BURNT by Siena time after time), & the entire team is Roadkill U. They can only win in that pathetic excuse for a gymnasium, which actually resembles a rather large garage (even the floor is up on jacks). So go ahead with your pathetic ramblings & paranoia about your superiority. Polish up that women's bowling trophy...it's your greatest legacy.
Oh, & don't forget to catch THE UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEE VOLUNTEERS in the Sweet 16.
from 6 months ago
You're the kind of person this article was written for.
6 months ago
This article is absolutely insane. The only thing that Vanderbilt has is the name Vanderbilt University. They are bottom dwellers in every sport in the SEC except for the important sport (women's bowling). What a joke!!! They had a good baseball team in 2007 that got upset and never went anywhere.
I have several friends that have degrees from Vanderbilt and the only thing they have going for them is a huge debt to pay back. Education is strictly what you make of it. You can get a quality education at any school in America if you strive to achieve that education.
Athletics in the state of Tennessee will always revolve around the University of Tennessee, and this is rightfully so. The Vols dominate Vanderbilt year after year in every sport that truly matters to the American public (football, basketball, women's basketball). Oh yeah, they do not produce stuck up snobs.
6 months ago
It always amazes me the length people will go to create controversy. The author is obviously an idiot with an agenda. I say let his words pass. It's not worth anyones time to give this guys ravings any attention. It can only benefit the originator. As for the dawg fan, something tells me he is simply envious of UT, and I agree he should be. Gawga has never lived up to its potential in hardly anything.
6 months ago
Just for the record: I'm a graduate of the University of Tennessee. In Nashville, there is a fish wrapper called the Tennessean, where Vanderbilt University sidewalk alumni hang out and call the University of Tennessee sidewalk alumni hicks, idiots, hillbillies…you name it, nothing is off limits. This happens whether Vanderbilt just beat UT or Vanderbilt went down in flames to Siena (which was hilarious.)
I wrote the article for the SOLE purpose of giving the Vandy Sidewalk Alumni Association something they can link to when insulting UT fans. For example, let’s say Vandy just posted a big win at home against the ferocious Rice Owls.
Inevitably, the guy who is the biggest Vandy fan in the world (and attended Nashville State Community College) will post three sentences about the big win, two of which will reference UT and how many thugs there are on the football team.
Now, instead of writing the second two sentences, Mr. Sidewalk Alumni can link to this article. It will save him 45 minutes typing those two sentences and avoiding the steam that usually comes out of his ears when he tries to use big words like a real Vanderbilt alumnus.
I have great friends who attended and graduated from both universities. Doctors, accountants, lawyers, architects, consultants, managers, business owners, you name it. All are intelligent, successful and capable. Sidewalk alumni of both sides can just shut the hell up.
Also, who the hell is Paul Finebaum?
6 months ago
Wive...what's a wive?
6 months ago
It's a "typo" dumbass.
6 months ago
clambor???? what a dumb*** Vandy have their own dictionary?
6 months ago
Thanks to all the anonymous sidewalk alumni for helping me spell...and for looking like a joke in the process. Went to UT...says so in my 250 word response above...it's satire...but hey, they don't teach that until middle school, so I understand why you probably didn't get it. Hey, while you're at it, could you proof this for me as well?
6 months ago
The only thing I have to say in response to this is that those wealthy alumni are in the minority in their own stadium. I went there this year and Alabama had turned it into a home game so much that we were wearing our crimson home jerseys. Great article, though. Whats really funny is the guy saying the fans in Athens (UGA), Gainesville (UF), and Tuscaloosa(UA) are worse. It doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure out that those are Tennessee's rivals. No crap they are going to belittle you to death. 41-17 homers!!!!
2 months ago
Ok, for all the Vandy haters, why don't you actually do some research before saying that they are bottom dwellers in every sport the SEC. Here's some quick facts for ya:
Vandy Baseball: 2004 NCAA Super Regionals, 2005 Nation's Top Recruiting Class, Ranked # 1 for most of 2007l.
Vandy Basketball: 1 of 3 teams who have made a 3 point field goal in every game, came one shot short of making the Elite 8 in 2007. They usually always split the season series with UT.
Vandy Women's Basketball: Always in the Top 25. Final Four appearance just a few years ago. Always a contender in the SEC.
Vandy Womens Tennis: Ranked in Top 10 in the nation at the end of 2007 season
Vandy Womens Bowling: Went to the NCAA semifinals
I can go on and on. The point is, before you bash someone's athletic program just because they aren't good in football doesn't mean they're "bottom dwellers" in every sport. That's a slap in the face to all of these athletes in other sports who work hard and enjoy success.
2 months ago
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/14192-ncaa-tournament-siena-really
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