A Hater's Guide to NFL Week 12: Why Your Team Is Bound to Lose

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A Hater's Guide to NFL Week 12: Why Your Team Is Bound to Lose
Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images

Week 12 of the NFL season also marks the start of the holiday season. So, in that spirit of good will and thankfulness, we cherish our hatred for all things NFL this weekend. We make sure everyone knows why their team is the worst thing to happen to civilization since Michael Bay was born.

We give thanks this morning for Tim Tebow, who gives us reason to hate the Jets rather than just laugh at them. He also gives Tim Tebow lovers reason to hate the Tebow haters rather than just try to give them hugs at inappropriate times and give them thank-you cards when no one else would make 1/30th of the effort.

We give thanks for the Detroit Lions, who continue to play on Thanksgiving and remind 31 other fanbases how lucky they have it. It also gives us pause to pass only the best traditions onto our children. The Lions playing on Thanksgiving "just because" has to be one of the stupidest things this side of Jim Schwartz's challenge flag.

Yet, there is so much more to hate this holiday season. As for me, I hate all of your teams and am not very fond of you, either. However, in a show of holiday spirit, I offer you the reason your teams will lose this weekend. Hopefully, knowing they will lose, you will find the time to get that cosmetic surgery to fix your awful face, finally.

On to the hate!

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