Ranking the 8 Most Ridiculous NBA Mascots
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Right now, you're probably thinking, "Why hasn't someone ranked the most ridiculous NBA mascots yet?"
That was it, right? Thought so. Anyways, you're in luck. Because I literally just did that.
Mascots tend to be a ridiculous bunch, and NBA mascots are no exception. From the Houston Rockets' Clutch the Bear to the Washington Wizards' G-Wiz, NBA mascots have given people reason to laugh for years.
So watch this video as a warm-up, and dive in to see the most ridiculous mascots in the league today.
No. 8: Houston Rockets—Clutch the Bear
Could Clutch be any cuter?
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Here's the problem with Clutch the Bear—he's way too cute.
Never mind the fact that a gigantic bear has literally nothing to do with the Houston Rockets. Let's be honest, a gigantic rocket ship or some kind of spaceman would make for a terrible mascot.
Still, that doesn't excuse the fact that Clutch looks like an enormous version of something you would find on the bed of a 5-year-old girl. Obviously, the Rockets didn't want to make another version of the Memphis Grizzlies' mascot, but they could have given Clutch something.
Not all mascots have to be frightening (like the Philadelphia 76ers mascot—we'll get to that), but they also shouldn't be an adorable teddy bear.
Though admittedly, Clutch's cuteness does make this video even funnier.
No. 7: San Antonio Spurs—The Coyote
Who know what's going on with Coyote's eyes? No one? Didn't think so.
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You know how sometimes you meet someone who seems perfectly normal, but then you find out that they have one really, really weird quirk to them?
The Coyote, the San Antonio Spurs' mascot, is a little bit like that.
A coyote makes sense as a mascot in San Antonio. That's totally fine.
But why, for the love of God, are his eyes so weird? It looks like they're supposed to be incredibly bloodshot, except they're still green. I have literally no idea what to make of this, and Google's not helping either.
Until the whole “eye situation” gets rectified, The Coyote will remain one of the most ridiculous mascots in the league.
No. 6: Philadelphia 76ers—Hip Hop the Rabbit
If you've seen Donnie Darko, then you understand just how ridiculous/terrifying Hip Hop really is.
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There was nothing wrong with Hip Hop the Rabbit in theory.
After all, the Philadelphia 76ers (who were named after the men who helped lead this country to independence in 1776) aren't exactly the easiest team to choose a mascot for.
So it's totally understandable that they went with a kid-friendly choice like a giant bunny rabbit.
As anyone who has seen Donnie Darko can attest, Frank is just about the creepiest dude in the history of the planet. Picturing him doing 360 windmill dunks off of a trampoline is absurd, but it's also pretty much what you'd see every time you went to a 76ers game.
No. 5 (tie): Los Angeles Lakers—Jack Nicholson, New York Knicks—Spike Lee
Jack and Spike have become more than fans for their teams.
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Half of the people reading this are probably thinking, “That's dumb. Spike Lee and Jack Nicholson aren't even real mascots.” And the other half probably saw this and just nodded their head in agreement.
And that's what makes Spike and Jack so ridiculous. A lot of people would actually consider them unofficial mascots for the New York Knicks and Los Angeles Lakers.
The Lakers and Knicks don't have official mascots, so why not? Jack and Spike have already become as deeply ingrained into their team's culture as guys like Magic Johnson, Patrick Ewing, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar or Walt Frazier.
Jack is at every single Lakers' home game, and rumor has it that film directors actually have to shoot around home games to make sure that there's no schedule interference.
Spike, on the other hand, is an ardent Knicks fan and only happened to spur on one of the most memorable moments in NBA history, Reggie Miller's Game 5 performance in the 1994 Eastern Conference Finals.
It might be crazy, but Spike Lee and Jack Nicholson are pretty much mascots.
No. 4: Toronto Raptors—The Raptor
Honestly, the inflatable-looking Raptor is way better.
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The Raptor may not be the most ridiculous mascot in terms of costume (he is the mascot for the Toronto Raptors, after all), but when it comes to antics, he's definitely way up there.
Though some mascots are content to simply sit back and save their best stuff for halftime performances and dead-ball stoppages, The Raptor is pretty much constantly performing.
In fact, The Raptor's performance one night actually led a Toronto fan to ignore the team's game and simply watch The Raptor instead.
You have to be a pretty ridiculous mascot to pull that off. Of course, the alternative was having to actually watch a Toronto Raptors game, so maybe it's not as impressive as it sounds. Also, The Raptor ate a cheerleader once.
No. 3: Los Angeles Clippers—Clipper Darrell
Clipper Darrell's just doing his thing.
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The Los Angeles Clippers actually don't have an official mascot. Luckily, they have Darrell Bailey, often known as Clipper Darrell.
If you don't know who Clipper Darrell is, you're missing out. He's pretty much the biggest Clippers fan in the world (it even says so on his official website) and has become a fixture at Clippers games, both home and away.
What's crazy is that Darrell pretty much fulfills all of the duties of a mascot. He wears a cool costume (kind of), he knows all of the dances...heck, the guy even was recruited by Mark Cuban to become a Dallas Mavericks fan.
Clipper Darrell is a pretty incredible, albeit absurd, mascot.
No. 2: Washington Wizards—G-Wiz
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What is G-Wiz (besides a horrible pun)? Does anyone actually know the answer to that question?
He's wearing a wizard's hat and he's the Washington Wizards' mascot, so...is he some kind of wizard? Why does he kind of look like Gonzo from the Muppets? Why not just have a guy dress up like a wizard?
Did whoever was in charge of picking the costume just go to the store, shrug, and buy the first thing they saw? Is this too many questions? Maybe. Maybe not. When it comes to G-Wiz, it's hard to be sure of anything.
Except that he's ridiculous. That much is very, very clear.
No. 1: Orlando Magic—Stuff the Magic Dragon
Stuff the Magic Dragon, ladies and gentlemen!
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I spent literally 30 minutes staring at photos of the Orlando Magic's mascot, Stuff the Magic Dragon, trying to think of a joke that would do his ridiculousness justice.
It was a disaster. Words could never do Stuff justice.
Luckily, I also stumbled upon a picture of Stuff boxing a kangaroo. Words seemed unnecessary at that point.