Sports Figures Who Need to Drop the 'Bro' Act

Nick Dimengo@@itsnickdimengoFeatured ColumnistNovember 20, 2012

Sports Figures Who Need to Drop the 'Bro' Act

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    For most guys, being called a "bro" is the ultimate sign of respect.

    It can mean you're a cool bro, a stylish bro or, unfortunately, an obnoxious bro.

    When it comes to athletes and other sports figures being bros, it's a no-brainer that most guys find themselves in braj-land.

    People envy their lifestyle and profession, seeing how they can do pretty much anything they want, and they tend to find themselves in the center of the action.

    But who are the guys who might need to give it up just a bit? Take a look and see for yourself, bro.

Bryce Harper

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    Biggest Bro-ment: "That's a clown question, bro..."

    The newly crowned NL Rookie of the Year is one of the most promising talents in all of baseball, but there's no denying he's also one of the biggest bros, either.

    Between the Euro-looking hair, extreme persona and interviews like he gave this past season, we hope Bryce Harper sticks to baseball more than focusing on the bro card.

Sean Avery

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    Biggest Bro-ment: Sloppy seconds.

    We've known Sean Avery's been one of the truest bros in sports for a while, but now that he's out of the NHL—and everyone knows everything about his personal life—we hope he gives up the bit.

    It's dope that he's dated hot chicks and has an interest in fashion, but when you become irrelevant as a hockey player, it's not so cool to hear about it anymore.

Jay Cutler

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    Biggest Bro-ment: Marrying reality TV star Kristin Cavallari.

    Jay Cutler's your typical frat bro who just can't seem to dodge his college-boy persona—and trust us, we know firsthand living in Nashville about his bro ways.

    We really wish we had time to tell some stories about Cut-dawg during some of the nights we've seen him sloshed in Music City.

    Let's just say that even with a wife and kid, he never fails to make it a point to visit all his friends at the local watering holes around Vanderbilt's campus, his alma mater.

Rickie Fowler

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    Biggest Bro-ment: His "Golf Boys" posse.

    Known for his chill attitude and extremely loud clothing, Ricky Fowler's one of our favorite dudes on tour. The problem with him is he knows how bro he is, and he plays it up way too much.

    It's totally cool with us to have the whole "Golf Boys" video—which donates $1,000 for every 100,000 views—but the stache and Bieber-like hair are a little out there.

    I guess we're just conservative when it comes to golf.

Matt Barkley

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    Biggest Bro-ment: Committing to SC four years ago.

    As a native SoCal kid, Barkley's a natural when it comes to total "broness."

    He's cool, a little arrogant and carries a super hottie on his arm.

    But thanks in part to all those factors—and his overactive Twitter account—Barkley's bro act has gotten a little old...and he's not even in the NFL yet!

    Here's hoping he tones it down before stepping into the huddle with the big bros next year.

Andy Roddick

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    Biggest Bro-ment: Marrying Brooklyn Decker.

    Now that he's retired from in between the lines, we wonder if Andy Roddick will take the opportunity to slow his "broseph" ways and rub it in everyone's face that he's married to freaking Brooklyn Decker!

    We certainly hope so.

Nick Swisher

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    Biggest Bro-ment: Anytime he sees a camera.

    Personally, we think Nick Swisher's the worst type of bro.

    Always one to flash a pose for the TV, he's the guy who gives you fist pumps at the gym in between reps to say, "Yo," and then walks around the entire weight room to do the same with everyone else.

    We're not saying he's not a dude, but if he scaled it back, he'd seem a little more legit.

Mark Cuban

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    Biggest Bro-ment: Saying whatever he wants, anytime he wants.

    Mark Cuban's that rich bro that you'd prefer was on your side.

    A billionaire owner, MC never holds back an opinion on anything concerning anyone (or anything) in the NBA, especially if it's not his own Mavs team.

    But he loses points because we all know he's just a smart guy who got really lucky and happens to own a pro basketball team.

    He's kept things in check lately, but the guy's pushing 55, so we'd think he'd make the call to chill a little bit on being so bro.

Lance Armstrong

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    Biggest Bro-ment: His "man-tourage."

    Trust us when we say we really wanted to keep Lance Armstrong off this list, but it was just unavoidable.

    If you didn't recognize those guys in that pic, the other two riders are Jake Gyllenhaal and Matthew McConaughey—otherwise known as some serious bros.

    Lance rides around (literally) with guys like that, so come on, he's a no-brainer.

Bode Miller

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    Biggest Bro-ment: Skiing drunk.

    The Olympics tend to be a pretty big deal, but if your name's Bode Miller—which almost in itself is too bro to handle—who cares what other people think?

    That was Miller's thought process during the '06 Olympics in Italy when he talked about how tough it is to ski while drunk.

    We've never tried it, but we'll take his word for it that trying to stay upright at speeds of 75 mph on compressed snow can be damn near impossible.

Matt Leinart

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    Biggest Bro-ment: Anytime he's out of his house or away from the football field.

    We love Matt Leinart, openly admitting to having a major bro-crush on him while he was leading USC and winning the Heisman.

    But after the whole starting-quarterback thing didn't work out and he had a kid with former girlfriend Brynn Cameron (in part because of his partying ways), we'd suggest just sticking to preparing for his role as a backup QB.

Rory McIlroy

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    Biggest Bro-ment: Winning the U.S. Open.

    Winning a major tournament in any sport is a, well, major deal. Ohhh, puns.

    So when you're a 23-year-old Irishman, it tends to turn into an all-night binger! At least for Rory McIlroy, that's what happened when he tweeted the above photo drinking out of the damn trophy.

    We're not going to tell him to slow down, basically because we'd do the same thing, but with all the talent in the world, we hope it doesn't become a John Daly-type necessity.

Matt Kemp

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    Biggest Bro-ment: Dating Rihanna.

    We can admit that Matt Kemp's the only guy on this list that actually disguises his broness.

    After all, it's not his fault one of the sexiest women alive decided he'd be the lucky gatekeeper of her secret garden.

    But because of his overdone "metrosexualness," he earns a spot on the list.

    Dude can rake, though, so we'd never call him out to his face.

Pete Carroll

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    Biggest Bro-ment: His press conferences or any other time he speaks.

    Pete Carroll just seems way too cool, doesn't he? Especially when you consider he's over 60 years old and still has that college-boy attitude.

    It's one thing to be a player's coach, but it's another to try to be the cool-dad type that tries a little too hard to relate to those players.

    Would we play for him, though? Hell yeah, we would!

Clay Matthews III

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    Biggest Bro-ment: His hair flip or flexing sack dance.

    Clay Matthews is one of the most feared guys in the league, mixing insane intensity with freakish strength to get to opposing quarterbacks.

    But thanks to his success, he's also recently fallen under the category of most overplayed bro.

    You can see him in Verizon and Fathead commercials pretty much everyday, though we admit the Fathead one is definitely the best on TV these days.

Brian Wilson

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    Biggest Bro-ment: Showing up at the ESPYs in a unitard.

    Whether it's wearing a unitard to an awards show, dying his facial hair jet-black or cutting his mane into a Mohawk, Brian Wilson oozes bro.

    Add in his tats and over-the-top personality, and we can see why people think relievers are crazy.

    He's unfortunately been hurt lately, so until he gets back to his former dominant self, he needs to wrap it up a bit.

Mark Sanchez

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    Biggest Bro-ment: His GQ feature story.

    Being major bros ourselves, we've asked the question, "How much bro is too much?"

    Well, when looking at Mark Sanchez, we tend to get our answer.

    Holding down the city of NYC, playing for the Jets and dating hot girls doesn't really help his cause to take his foot off the bro accelerator, though we wish he did just a tad.

Alex Ovechkin

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    Biggest Bro-ment: Every NHL offseason.

    If you ever wonder what elite athletes do when they're not playing, we really hope you're not asking Ovie to get your answer.

    Dude treats each night he's out like it's spring break in Daytona Beach, DJing and boozing at all hours. No parents!

    As the former most dominant player in the league, though, it's hard not to notice that the past two seasons have been the least productive of his career.

    Could that be attributed to all his partying?

Kris Humphries

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    Biggest Bro-ment: His entire relationship with Kim Kardashian.

    Though the Nets' big man may not immediately come to mind when thinking about the biggest bros, his entire "broner-ness" on Keeping Up With the Kardashians is why he makes our list.

    Dude knows he has so much street cred after bagging a Kardashian that we think it's gone to his head a bit.

    Regardless of how he really is, being a bro with (short-lived brother-in-law) Scott Disick cost him a chance with Kim K! That's probably a good sign he needs to change some things.

Matthew Stafford

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    Biggest Bro-ment: Anytime he's around a chick.

    When you're a pro football player, life has to be pretty solid—especially when around hot girls.

    So here's how we anticipate a typical conversation between Stafford and a girl playing out:

    Girl: "Heyyyyyy! Aren't you, like, a football player?"

    Stafford: "Yeah. I play for the Lions and went to Georgia. Want to go get a drink?"

    It goes without saying that Stafford's shirt is off and the girl's in a bikini. And though we personally don't see a problem with that scenario, with Stafford as our fantasy quarterback—and more importantly, with all the talent in the world—we wish he focused more on football and not "broing" out.

Shaun White

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    Biggest Bro-ment: His perfect score on half pipe.

    Look, there's a ton of "broments" from Shaun White's career, but in between all his drinking, partying and all-out cool ways, his profession affords for him to be dope as hell.

    We just suggest he keeps it in the damn circle and sticks to the action sports rather than continuing to get in fights with strangers in random cities.

Cristiano Ronaldo

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    Biggest Bro-ment: All of his sexual conquests.

    C-Ron's more on this list out of spite than anything.

    How else can we defend a braj who's bagged the likes of Kim Kardashian, Gemma Atkinson and, currently, Irina Shayk?

    As one of the best soccer players in the world, there's little doubt Ronaldo will slow down his ways, but here's hoping he saves some chicks for us other guys.


Patrick Kane

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    Biggest Bro-ment: Drinking Natty Light as a pro athlete.

    If you look at that pic above, you'll notice that Kane, who made $6 million last season, is taking a 75-cent brew to the face during some Cinco de Mayo escapades earlier this year.

    We're all for some Natty—it's widely known to be our favorite beer—but if you're making that kind of dime and your employer suggests you get counseling for your partying ways, it may be time to slow down.

    Why do we have a feeling the current lockout isn't helping Kane do that at all?

Rob Gronkowski

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    Biggest Bro-ment: Hanging with porn star Bibi Jones.

    Gronk's the type of bro that we have a feeling is never sorry for partying (insert shameless plug), but why should he be?

    He's statistically the best tight end in the league, single and, oh yeah, rich, too.

    Though we'd recommend toning it down just so he doesn't fall out of favor with head coach (and known dictator) Bill Belichick.

Ryan Lochte

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    Biggest Bro-ment: His grill. Drinking beer out of a Frisbee.

    As of this moment, there isn't a bigger bro in all of sports than Ryan Lochte.

    Though we'd probably love the chance to party with him, his general "douchebaggery" tends to hurt his overall bro status often choosing to take it way too far—Really? An Olympic rings tat?

    With the next summer Olympics four years away, we have a bad feeling Lochte's "bronly" going to get a lot worse in order to keep his name relevant.