Eric Fernandez returned recently from a family vacation to Italy and was soon spotted favoring a random Italian amateur squad’s kit he purchased at a shop in Lucca. He quickly alienated several of his local club’s loyal members.
“He doesn’t even care that the sponsor is a goddam sanitary napkin company,” says irritated clubmate Glenn Tromburg. “There’s an unwritten protocol—if you ride with the (Greater Mossburg Bicycle) club, you wear the club kit. But ever since he got back from Italy, that’s all I’ve seen him in. He doesn’t give a good goddam. He probably sleeps in it.”
The colorful kit has been a divisive catalyst among the GMBC ranks. “I don’t care if he rides in his pajamas, frankly,” says Christy Hoit. “I think it’s great. There are some stuffed shirts that treat this club like it’s a military academy. ‘You vill vear zee uniform!!’ Gimme a friggin’ break. Can’t we just ride?”
When asked to comment, Fernandez was unfazed. “I like the design. And anyway, when I wear my Pinate Frimo kit, people notice me. Do you think anyone cares if I wear my GMBC jersey? No. Now I look European and exotic.”
When told that Pinate Frimo made adult diapers, Fernandez replied, “No…wait. What?”