20 Athletes You Almost Feel Sorry for

Zack PumerantzAnalyst IIINovember 15, 2012

20 Athletes You Almost Feel Sorry for

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    They're drowning in wealth and date supermodels on the regular. Athletes, for one reason or another, are heroes to us all.

    And when they get cut from a team or make a crucial error in a crucial situation, we can't help but feel bad for these same blessed athletes; even though we're the fans sitting in nosebleed sections with hand warmers in our trousers.

    And then, immediately after we start sympathizing, we realize these athletes still possess overstuffed wallets and more female fans than The View. They don't need our pity, and we don't really feel bad. 

    Here are the 20 athletes we almost feel sorry for. Almost.

20. Tony Romo, NFL

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: Keeps failing in the clutch, coach Jason Garrett's play calling

    But Wait: Married to Candice Crawford, makes $9 million this year

    Conclusion: At 32, a playoff win is further and further away

19. Ryan Lochte, Swimming

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: His intelligence, blew the Olympic relay, his intelligence

    But Wait: He tried to trademark the term "jeah"

    Conclusion: Lochte's just living the dream

18. Tiger Woods, Golf

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: Marriage fell apart, now eclipsed by Rory McIlroy

    But Wait: Marriage fell apart because of his infidelities, makes over $50 million annually

    Conclusion: The comeback kid?

17. Michael Vick, NFL

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: No offensive line, 10 fumbles and nine interceptions in nine games, blamed for Eagles problems

    But Wait: $12.5 million annually, prematurely called Eagles a dynasty

    Conclusion: We may have seen the last of the speedy southpaw

16. Alex Rodriguez, MLB

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: Hit safely three out of 25 times during this postseason, benched just as many times

    But Wait: Nearly $30 million per year, flirted with a bikini model while being benched, arguably the cockiest individual in baseball

    Conclusion: (See here)

15. Wes Welker, NFL

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: Dropped crucial pass in Super Bowl XLVI to seal Patriots fate, gets decked by double-sized defenders on the regular

    But Wait: Married to Miss Hooters International Anna Burns, hauled in nearly $10 million this year

    Conclusion: Like that fly in Breaking Bad

14. Lebron James, NBA

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: Can never catch a break from the media or fans, receding hairline

    But Wait: Just won a ring, has an elite supporting cast, pulls in over $17 million per year

    Conclusion: People love to hate the best player in the world

13. Albert Haynesworth, NFL

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: Jobless since being released by the Bucs in February, disgraced by the league

    But Wait: Ate away a seven-year, $100 million contract from the Redskins

    Conclusion: Couch potato

12. Sidney Crosby, NHL

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: Concussion issues, ridiculed by most fans and opponents, considered a whiner

    But Wait: $9 million per year, he's a whiner

    Conclusion: The NHL's poster child

11. Vince Young, NFL

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: Six years after earning a $58 million contract–$26 million of it guaranteed–he's broke

    But Wait: Never listened to anyone, bathed in his success, said he was on "another level"

    Conclusion: Side-armed his way to free agency

10. Mario Balotelli, Soccer

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: Recently dropped from the Manchester City squad in a game against Tottenham, often misunderstood, failed in the flashiest fashion possible

    But Wait: Failed in flashiest fashion possible, net worth of $8 million, ditched pregnant underwear-model girlfriend

    Conclusion: Time for super Mario to focus on football

9. Kwame Brown, NBA

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: former first-overall pick who never panned out, bullied by Michael Jordan

    But Wait: $58 million-plus in career earnings, he once threw a cake at a man

    Conclusion: He's enjoying a rotational role in Philly, life is good

8. Cam Newton, NFL

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: Panthers 2-7, Newton often seen sulking on the sidelines

    But Wait: His sulking is a bad influence, his celebrations even more so

    Conclusion: Prep quarterback Jalan McClendon ejected for doing Newton's "superman" celebration during a state playoff game

7. Ryan Howard, MLB

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: After a ruptured Achilles kept him out the first 84 games, a broken toe suffered in the on-deck circle ended his 2012 season for good

    But Wait: $125 million, set to walk down the aisle with a former Eagles cheerleader

    Conclusion: Best years ahead?

6. Wade Redden, NHL

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: Spent last two seasons in AHL, demoted by the Rangers, considered an overpaid player

    But Wait: $5 million-plus per year

    Conclusion: Lockout

5. Jason Bay, MLB

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: Hit .234 with 26 home runs in three seasons with the Mets, just got dumped by the Mets

    But Wait: Still getting paid $21 million he is owed, hit .165 with eight home runs and 20 RBI this year (C'Mon man)

    Conclusion: Good riddance

4. Gilbert Arenas, NBA

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: Out of the NBA at 30, dropped from Adidas sponsorship in '09 because of handgun violations, his mean hibachi meals aren't appreciated enough

    But Wait: Close to signing in China, made $111 million with the Wizards and Grizzlies

    Conclusion: The Hibachi is still burning

3. Mark Sanchez, NFL

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: His Jets are 3-6, he's substituted for Tim Tebow after every positive play, the media won't leave him alone, the media calls him Tim

    But Wait: He's dated Jamie-Lynn Sigler of The Sopranos and Eva Longoria of Desperate Housewives, hauls in nearly $60 million over the next five years and has a well-permed head of hair

    Conclusion: Did we mention the GQ cover?

2. Chad Johnson, NFL

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: Cut from Dolphins live on HBO, recently divorced from Evelyn Lozada

    But Wait: Possible new girlfriend, had 10 illustrious seasons on the gridiron

    Conclusion: No. 85 is never gone for good

1. Amar'e Stoudamire, NBA

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    Reasons to Feel Bad: Can't stay healthy, Carmelo Anthony is hogging the spotlight, fire extinguishers are everywhere

    But Wait: $100 million over five years (paid more than LeBron James, Kevin Durant and Chris Paul), he punched a fire extinguisher

    Conclusion: Hide the fire extinguishers