Ranking the NBA's Best New Hairdos

Sean HojnackiFeatured ColumnistNovember 15, 2012

Ranking the NBA's Best New Hairdos

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    There have been many mavens of hairstyle in recent NBA memory. Dennis Rodman, Anthony Mason, Ron Artest and Chris Andersen come to mind. There are too many more to mention.

    But this slideshow focuses on the best new 'dos in the NBA.

    Sadly, this means so many of the greatest NBA haircuts won't be shown.

    There will be no Dwayne Schintzius mullet or Detlef Schrempf buzzcut. You won't see Scott Pollard's two-tone mohawk and beard dreads or J.R. Smith's tiara. And there will be no Brandon Jennings Gumby fade or Ben Wallace afro/cornrows vacillation.

    There also won't be any classic '70s hilarity. 

    And even if the hair is still fantastic, it must be new this season. So I cannot include Sideshow Bob impersonator Anderson Varejao, Aslan mane imitator Robin Lopez or the biker-gang ponytail of Joakim Noah.

    But there are still some great new hairstyles in the NBA this season. One thing you realize is that injured players have a lot of spare time to work on their hair. Almost half the list is out with one ailment or another, but for the moment, their gifts to us are their terrific tresses, not their game.

    So sit back and enjoy the best new hairdos in the NBA this season. And by "best," I usually mean funniest.

Honorable Mention: Adam Morrison

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    Like Samson, Adam Morrison never should have ditched his trademark 'stache and luxurious locks. He trimmed his hair and shaved his face, and his clean-cut appearance promptly got him cut from the Portland Trail Blazers roster.

    Now, it may be happy trails for Morrison as he is without a team. He gets an honorable mention because he's given us such great hair over the years, going back to his days at Gonzaga, but he has not given us very good play in the NBA. He never shot better than 38 percent from the field in any season.

15. Dirk Nowitzki

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    Perhaps owing to the fact that he hasn't played yet this season, Dirk Nowitzki is looking pretty GQ this year. The gangly German has ditched his scraggly 'do in favor of a well coiffed (and slightly highlighted?) look.

    I guess his hair dresser instructed him to "shut it down!"

    He needs to hurry back, however, because in his absence, people on Twitter have been debating on whether Zach Randolph is the best power forward in the NBA. What??? 

14. Danilo Gallinari

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    Danilo Gallinari is from Italy, so we can forgive him for some of the more flamboyant style choices that he makes.

    It's too bad that he's decided to sport the fauxhawk that we had hoped was gone from pro sports forever (thanks, Tom Brady). At least the pickax toughens up the image a little.

    The real question remaining is: Where on earth has Gallinari's jump shot gone? Through seven games, he's shooting a paltry 31.1 percent from the field. 

13. Steve Nash

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    Steve Nash has sported a variety of hairstyles over the years, many of which have left people wondering why a pro athlete would want such long hair and how he could possibly keep it out of his eyes. Perhaps it's because he's Canadian and grew up playing soccer.

    It didn't seem to hamper his performance on the court, however, as he won consecutive MVP awards.

    Now he's getting a change of scenery with the Los Angeles Lakers, and it appears that his mom took him to the barber for a fresh new look to show off for his new school...er, I mean, team.

    He looks so fresh faced (which previously seemed impossible) that he'll be fighting off the girls with this haircut.

12. Alexey Shved

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    After showing off his skills during Russia's bronze medal performance at the London Olympics, Alexey Shved has brought his hot shooting across the Atlantic. Or the Pacific, depending on which way he flew.

    Sadly, Shved has recently gotten a haircut, but he debuted for the Minnesota Timberwolves with a look rarely seen in the NBA—the soccer player. He's shown here sporting the rare double hair tie look with headband and scrunchy.

    It was nice to see someone disrupt the league's shaved-head boredom by looking more like Zlatan Ibrahimović or Alexi Lalas.

    Perhaps it would have brought him such stellar success as Ibrahimović had against England (you've seen the bicycle kick from 35 yards out, right?), but alas, it's gone.

11. Quincy Acy

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    Quincy Acy was selected by the Toronto Raptors with the 37th pick in the NBA draft. No word yet on whether he's related to Reggie Evans, but his beard is.

    While Acy has only played four minutes so far this season, he already has one of the best-looking chins in the NBA.

    With a few more years of experience and no grooming whatsoever, the youngster out of Baylor could blossom into a full-fledged James Harden.

10. Drew Gooden

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    We have Drew Gooden's teammate, Marquis Daniels, to thank for this stunning photo that he shared in October.

    Obviously, Gooden is follically challenged, but there's no shame in an older man owning his receding hairline. At least he's not trying to hide anything (we're looking at you, LeBron). He's also been known to sport some odd hair on his chin and the back of his neck.

    But ye gods, what on earth is going on in that photo tweeted out by Daniels? His hair looks like espresso grinds sprinkled on top of an Irish coffee for decoration. But at least it looks better than the suit he wore on draft day.

    Anyway, at least he can just shave those 17 hairs off.

9. Spencer Hawes

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    Spencer Hawes is a newcomer to the interesting hair department. You know Hawes is stylish because the sixth-year center wears the very tasteful No. 00, which worked so well for Robert Parish.

    The mullet is often referred to as being "business in the front and party in the back." In this case, the party in the back is fairly muted, so this may be the type of mullet sported at business meetings in Alabama.

    Kudos to Hawes for his mullet, and for keeping it looking so tidy!

8. Andrew Bogut

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    Andrew Bogut has given fans some fantastic hairstyles in the past. Some Milwaukee Bucks fans went into withdrawal last season when Bogut only managed to play in 12 games.

    Now, he's taken his talents to the Bay Area, and he's clearly letting it all hang out. He's pictured above sporting the Sean Bean in Patriot Games hairdo. Well done.

    Too bad he's out again with an injured ankle, because the Golden State Warriors won't be in Oakland much longer.

7. Anthony Davis

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    You had to know it was coming.

    While the hair on his scalp is fairly uninteresting, rookie Anthony Davis' unibrow is so unique that he actually trademarked the phrases “Fear The Brow” and “Raise The Brow.”

    It has the benefit of making him look like Uncle Leo in the episode of Seinfeld where his eyebrows are burned off and Elaine draws them on with magic marker. And it gives him a ready-made Halloween costume to be one half of Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street.

    The unibrow also sparked the meme, "I don't always use the Internet, but when I do, eyebrows."

    Davis has great hair, even if it's only the stuff on his brow.

6. Chris Copeland

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    Chris Copeland snagged the 15th roster spot for the New York Knicks. You won't see him on the court very often, but his manly mane makes him easy to recognize on the bench.

    The 28-year-old from Orange, NJ has bounced around Europe, playing ball in the Netherlands, Spain and Belgium. Now he returns to his old stomping ground, and he's got the hair to make him a New York icon.

    With some hard work and patience, he could turn into a bona fide Kenneth Faried.

5. Andrei Kirilenko

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    Andrei Kirilenko's head has sported numerous entertaining mops over the years. Last season, he deprived fans of his hilarious follicles when he took his talents to CSKA Moscow with the lockout looming.

    Now, he's back, and he's better than ever.

    With this haircut, he'd fit right in with Hans Gruber's band of henchman.

    And he's been driving the injury-hampered Minnesota Timberwolves so far this season. He's also been a great sleeper on my fantasy team, so he can wear whatever hair he likes.

4. Josh Childress

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    Josh Childress has always had some nice hair, but in his first season with the Brooklyn Nets, he has really stepped up his game. 

    This afro is boss. It's well manicured and makes him look larger, which will scare away any bears.

    His production has steadily declined since he left Atlanta, but his newly improved 'do should help endear him to coach Avery Johnson. 

3. Norris Cole

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    Norris Cole almost didn't qualify for this list, because he was rocking a pretty nice flattop in the playoffs last year. The entire country saw the rookie styling all throughout the playoffs as the Miami Heat stormed their way to the championship.

    But Cole has been working hard in the offseason, and this flattop has really improved. It's higher and more formidable than it was in the playoffs, and it could propel the Heat to another championship.

    Cole's numbers won't impress as much as his hair, but he's still an important role player in Miami's top-notch rotation.

2. Andrew Bynum

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    Well, what can we say about Andrew Bynum? We know he's kinda cooky and occasionally decides to pop an ill-advised three-pointer, then claim not to know why his coach is upset.

    He's now in Philadelphia, but due to his injury, he has not appeared in a 76ers uniform yet. Instead, he's been working on making his hair a physical representation of his own nuttiness.

    His hair has variously been compared to Frederick Douglass, Ike Turner and Katt Williams plus Benjamin Franklin plus Dr. J.

    There's even a new not-suitable-for-work Twitter account under the name Pimp Andrew Bynum.

    Even if he never appears in a game this season, you have to applaud his performance so far. 

1. Iman Shumpert

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    Not since Kenny "Sky" Walker played for the New York Knicks in the late '80s has a flattop this great graced the hardwood.

    Iman Shumpert's flattop is slightly bigger and better than Norris Cole's, and Shump takes first place due to his sheer hard work. While Cole was sporting a smaller version of that hair in the playoffs last year, Shumpert's flattop rose up from seemingly out of nowhere.

    His dedication to the hair in just six short months implies that he will be ready to hit the court soon as he recovers from knee surgery. Between the awesome hair, fly style and shutdown defense, the Knicks could be in store for a deep playoff run. 

    Congratulations, Iman, you're the winner of the NBA Hairstyle Showcase Showdown.

    twitter / <span class= Follow me. I have the number for Anthony Mason's clip joint.