What Not to Wear, Sports Edition: Who Needs Style Help Immediately
Athletes and the folks who work in sports can't all be expected to arrive at the postgame as pressed, red-carpet ready and impeccably styled as guys like Dwyane Wade and Henrik Lundqvist. Those guys are not only among the highest-paid in their sports but have taken an active interest in style—mingling with some of the biggest names in the fashion business.
Let's face it: Sports and fashion aren't exactly a natural combination, but money and celebrity certainly make their universes intersect.
Marc Gasol, Memphis Grizzlies
Image via @MarcGasol
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Those are either shorts for a much taller man or pants for a much shorter man.
When it comes to athletic gear and working out, fashion standards aren't incredibly high—nor should they be. But Grizzlies star Marc Gasol's shorts are completely out of bounds.
Basketball shorts have gotten substantially longer since the 80s, but these just look confused—like they're fighting each other on whether or not they should be pants or shorts.
Hike 'em up or pull 'em down, dude.
Austen Lane, Jacksonville Jaguars
Image via @A_Train92
Major Fashion Faux Pas: T-Shirts that only a frat boy would love.
Jaguars defensive end Austen Lane obviously loves ridiculous t-shirts. The more ridiculous, the better. After all, he is wearing a shirt with a giant koala bear, Chinese characters and the phrase "In love with a life" on the bottom.
Austen also appreciates people who share his enthusiasm for ridiculous t-shirts. I'm all in favor of a funny shirt, but at some point, you have to stop buying your wardrobe at BustedTees.
Glen Davis, Orlando Magic
Image via @iambigbaby11
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Dressing like a mischievous little rascal.
We all know that Magic forward Glen Davis' nickname is "Big Baby" and that the fun-loving Davis is still a kid at heart. I'm all for maintaining a youthful exuberance for as long as humanly possible, but I think that Big Baby might be taking the whole thing a little too far.
A nickname is one thing, but why in the name of all that is good and holy is he dressing like Dennis the Menace?
Darnell Dockett, Arizona Cardinals
Image via @ddocett
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Trucker cap, denim jacket and I think he ripped off Paul Pierce's nickname on that dumb hat.
Cardinals defensive end Darnell Dockett is a true original with a style all his own. You're far more likely to find him wearing nothing at all than dressed like one of Mitt Romney's kids.
All that aside, I really thought the whole trucker hat thing was over. And I'm positive that denim jackets (which could possibly be a vest) died long ago.
Ryan Kesler, Vancouver Canucks
Image via @Ryan_Kesler
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Uh. How about the American flag top hat and the handlebar mustache?
Canucks center Ryan Kesler's ironic-hipster handlebar mustache seems to be all the rage these days, but there's never an acceptable excuse for stealing Uncle Sam's hat.
DeJuan Blair, San Antonio Spurs
Image via @DeJuan45
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Wearing a message to your so-called "haters" on your t-shirt is just too stupid for words.
Spurs forward DeJuan Blair has a message for all his "haters," and it's written across his chest. A lot of athletes today have shockingly thin skin when it comes to hatin', and this is how Blair is dealing with his insecurity.
Do what you do, DeJuan, but why'd you have to go and bring Ray Charles into this whole thing? That ain't right.
Floyd Mayweather Jr., Boxer
Image via @FloydMayweather
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Super mega Lakers fanboy to the max paired with hot pink luggage.
Boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr. might be one of the least subtle people on the planet, and this head-to-toe Lakers getup is just one of the many ridiculous things I've seen him decked out in.
At least he's not wearing his usual Elizabeth Taylor inspired wardrobe: diamonds and fur coats. He decided to go butch but not too butch, which explains the hot pink suitcase he's traveling with.
Stevie Johnson, Buffalo Bills
Image via @StevieJohnson13
Major Fashion Faux Pas: A ball cap with what looks to be dog ears attached to the sides.
Bills wide receiver Stevie Johnson's decision to both purchase and wear a ball cap with dog ears is questionable at best. But why's he completely decked out in Bills gear at the airport?
Isn't that kind of like wearing the shirt of the band you're in?
Nate Robinson, Chicago Bulls
Image via @nate_robinson
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Camouflage run amok.
I'm of the mind that camouflage is meant almost entirely for hunters and members of the military, but apparently Bulls point guard Nate Robison has a different fashion philosophy. To make matters worse, he's doubling up with the sweatshirt and hat.
Plus…that shirt is a little bossy.
Alexander Ovechkin, Washington Capitals
Image via @ovi8
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Underdressed for the occasion.
I can't imagine Capitals superstar forward Alexander Ovechkin has ever been overdressed for an event. That's just not how he rolls. When he's not in his Caps uniform, Ovi is wearing his other uniform: sweats, flip flops, ball cap.
Ovechkin didn't see any reason to stray from his standard when meeting up with a fan who won a contest to have dinner with him. I'm not saying he should be donning a tuxedo, but would a pair of jeans have killed him?
Speaking of tuxedos...
Evgeni Malkin, Pittsburgh Penguins
Image via @malkin71
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Matching white tuxedos and skeevy glasses.
Penguins superstar Evgeni Malkin has the exact opposite problem of his Russian buddy Alex Ovechkin in the previous slide. Clearly they are dressed for some kind of occasion, but unless it's Halloween, Geno and his buddy really screwed the pooch on this one.
DeSean Jackson, Philadelphia Eagles
Image via @DeSeanJackson10
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Rocking the vote a little too hard.
I'm all for voting, no matter who you want to vote for, but I think you can take the enthusiasm for doing your civic duty just a little too far. And that's exactly what Eagles wide receiver DeSean Jackson did in this photo.
The shirt is one thing, but with sunglasses inside, a truckload worth of gold and a pair of fire-engine red sneaks…well…that's another thing altogether.
Dwain Price, Mavericks Beat Writer
Image via @DwainPrice
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Dressing like a human tiger.
Mavericks superstar Dirk Nowitzki posted this photo of Mavs beat writer Dwain Price on Twitter and praised him for his impressive sense of style. He definitely is the coolest cat in the league.
See what I did there?
Jason Kelce, Philadelphia Eagles
Image via @Jkelce
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Wearing a sweater vest.
If you were just skimming through these photos and not reading (like most of you are), you'd probably assume that I was referring to Eagles center Jason Kelce's thick and lustrous beard as the fashion faux pas.
But if you did that, you'd be wrong. I've grown accustomed to these ridiculous beards. I have not grown accustomed to the sweater vest with what may or may not be a turtleneck underneath it.
Joakim Noah, Chicago Bulls
Image via @JoakimNoah
Major Fashion Faux Pas: A trio of matching denim shirts among drinking bros.
If there's anyone in sports who marches to the beat of his own drummer on everything, including fashion, it's the Bulls' Joakim Noah. Or at least that's usually the case.
In this photo, these three are marching to the beat of the denim-shirt drummer. And that's one crazy SOB you want to avoid at all costs.
Anze Kopitar, Los Angeles Kings
Image via @AnzeKopitar
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Dressing like a weirdo French guy from a movie, like some kind of extra or maybe like the villain who tries to get the girl but definitely loses in the end to less of a weirdo.
Or maybe a mime? Yeah…he's definitely a hat, some white gloves and face paint away from being a mime.
Mike Wallace, Pittsburgh Steelers
Image via @Wallace17_daKid
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Too many to mention, although green jeans are among them.
Steelers wide receiver Mike Wallace posted this picture of himself, Chiefs safety Kendrick Lewis and some dude named Keenan a few months back.
The photo is a little blurry, but I'm pretty sure that's Wallace in the green jeans, glasses he wears for no reason and a goofy cap flipped with something (likely stupid) written on the underside of the bill. I think Lewis is the guy wearing the American flag as a do-rag under his hat.
Good job to Keenan for not walking out of the house looking like a complete idiot that day.
Michael Grabner, New York Islanders
Image via @grabs40
Major Fashion Faux Pas: He's not on Jersey Shore, so why is he dressed like DJ Pauly D?
Islanders forward Mike Grabner looks like something you pulled out of Ed Hardy's drain…and then put a trucker cap on it that reads "GREMLIN," which is ironic since I don't think you can get him wet.
John Daly, PGA Golfer
Image via @PGA_JohnDaly
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Too, too much.
PGA golfer John Daly celebrates the Fourth of July in a red-white-and-blue ensemble that makes me slightly less proud to be an American. To his credit though, at least he put on a shirt, which is more than I can say for his compadre.
James Harden, Houston Rockets
Image via @JHarden13
Major Fashion Faux Pas: You're on TV, bro.
Rockets newbie James Harden was welcomed on what looks to be the local news or perhaps Rockets TV after being acquired by Houston. He's probably got a pretty busy schedule, so I'll concede that it was nice of him to make time in his day to scamper over to the local television station and even do this interview to begin with.
But next time, maybe throw on a blazer or sweater…or pretty much anything that isn't a t-shirt. I mean...that lady interviewer managed to change out of her pajamas before going to work, and she probably has a pretty busy schedule, too.
Georges Laraque, Retired NHL
Image via @GeorgesLaraque
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Matchy matchy.
Retired NHL muscle Georges Laraque doesn't look that bad overall, but I think he has two problems that I always try to avoid: an Ed Hardy-looking shirt and a friend with the exact same haircut as you.
Ben Roethlisberger, Pittsburgh Steelers
Image via Tom Pennington/Getty Images
Major Fashion Faux Pas: You're at the Super Bowl, dude.
This has been a semi-recurring theme throughout this list. The reason being is that I'm not really a fashionista of any kind—I just think people should do their best to dress appropriately for important events.
Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger certainly did nothing of the sort for media day at the Super Bowl in 2001. You'll notice the guy next to him is dressed to the nines for the event and Big Ben is literally wearing slippers. Slippers.
Vontae Davis, Indianapolis Colts
Image via @VontaeDavis23
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Harry Caray glasses.
Colts cornerback Vontae Davis seems like one heckuva a nice guy, and I don't want to disparage him in the slightest. So all I'm going to say is that those glasses are a bit…sizable—a bit too sizable for his face.
Dave Moss, Phoenix Coyotes
Image via @djmoss25
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Urkel alert.
I'm going to admit that I have no idea about hipster fashion or culture—that's just not me.
For that reason, I have no idea if Coyotes forward Dave Moss is being ironic, or hip, or whatever, getting all decked out like Urkel about to hit the mini-golf course because he finally scored a date with Laura Winslow or if he's just dressed like an idiot by accident...or if he thinks he looks cool...or if he's trying not to look cool on purpose.
I don't know, and I don't like it.
Reshad Jones, Miami Dolphins
Image via @reshadjones9
Major Fashion Faux Pas: Human-tiger theme. Why God!? Whhhhyyy!!!??
Dolphins safety Reshad Jones went out for a night on the town this past summer dressed like this. He didn't mention a thing about losing a bet or working with the World Wildlife Federation on promoting awareness of the declining tiger population in the wild.
So it seems that Jones actually did all this just because he thought it looked amazing. Tiger-head shirt: Check! Tiger-print Zubaz pants: Check! Gold chain: Check! Bruins hat because it's one of the few sports franchises outside of Pittsburgh that has gear to match this trashtastic ensemble: Check, check!