(Door creaks open)
Around the season of All Hallow's Eve, something of a tradition—a ritual, if I may—has taken rise here at the Bleacher Report MMA, wherein we find and celebrate the creepiest fighters in the sport. Let us now renew that ritual.
Sometimes we celebrate the creepiest fighters of all time. At other times, we take a more modern approach. In this incarnation, it will be the latter. As such, only active fighters will be eligible.
Are a few of your favorites missing? My sincerest sympathies, madam. Maybe you'll find them on a previous annual list, or my recent list of oddest fighters. If not, perhaps I could interest you in flying a kite. Or eating a bat. Or lighting some black candles and gazing into the nether-regions of the soul...if you dare. Mwahahahaaaaa!!
It's the trademark mutton chops. I'm sorry. They terrify me. Look: they're growing into his mouth. They are not native to his body. Oh, no; I just vomited.
Remind me to not be in front of a TV set on November 17, when he faces Cyrille Diabate at UFC 154. That will be his first UFC fight at light heavyweight. I'm sure the trademark mutton chops will be honed to a fearsome razor's edge for that one.
Record: 10-1 (1)
Promotion: Strikeforce? Invicta?
Her status is uncertain now that she's been suspended and Strikeforce teeters on the brink. There's also uncertainty over whether she's dropping to bantamweight; such a thing would mean a superfight with Ronda Rousey.
As for the creepy factor, well, it's probably a case of the less I say, the better. I wouldn't want Cyborg to fuse with her other Cyborg half or "husband" to create a kind of superborg that hunts me down and eats my skeleton with me still covering it.
Promotion: ONE Fighting Championship
Before you react, ask yourself one question: how would you react if you saw this dude in a restaurant somewhere, with this look on his face? You would scream and run. You would, bro. That's it.
Antonio Silva has agromegaly. So I feel a little bad about this one. But on the other hand, I wouldn't be performing my public service as a journalist if I didn't note for the record his eminent creepiness qualifications.
Because don't kid yourself: you've seen the size of that head. And hands. Pretend to look the other way if you wish. As for me, I won't—nay, can't—pretend I didn't. You'll wish you'd heeded the signs when he eats your microphone.
Or, as I like to call him, Zombie Nick Diaz.
Kikuno might win the hardware for the creepiest actual fighting style. It's called Sanchin Dachi, and, from what I can gather, involves sticking your hands out in front of you and tromping around in the ring like you're a henchman in the undead army. Sure, maybe it's an effective style. Does it explain the empty stare? No it does not.
For all the serious MMA fans and zombie hunters out there, this analysis deconstructs the method behind his madness. If you're too lazy to read the whole thing, I can sum it up in three words: hunger for brains.
Promotion: Destiny MMA
This guy is more than just an in-your-face thug type. He's a certifiable pecan log.
This video illustrates it better than any prose ever could.
Fletcher is a lightweight currently competing in BAMMA and as a contestant on The Ultimate Fighter: The Smashes, a TUF spinoff pitting British fighters against Australians.
More to the point, though, Fletcher is someone who fits, by a very comfortable margin, any definition of creepy. He enjoys freaking out the squares, and does a slam-bang job of it. So slam-bang, in fact, that it transcends mere gimmickry.
And that's what's so great about MMA: it's one of the few professions through which the occasional maniac can incorporate himself into mainstream society. MMA is an equal-opportunity employer. Do you think those fat cats in Congress would ever let in a guy like Colin "Freakshow" Fletcher? Highly unlikely, bro.
If this photo doesn't push your buttons, try this one. Or this one. Or this one. Or this one. Or watch this video of one of his press conferences. If you can say with a straight face that Colin Fletcher doesn't creep you out, that's how he knows he's already in your head.
Promotion: DREAM/M-1 Global
You know, sometimes you work these lists, and as you work you accidentally unearth things you never wanted to unearth. The Internet is a deep, dark lake of madness. And it is possible to go too far.
Whether it's MMA, kickboxing, shoot fighting or cosplay, Nagashima's got some enormous creepy. We're through the looking glass here, people.
Promotion: King of the Cage
This man is an active fighter. He also appears to be an active nazi. Wait, excuse me, white nationalist. GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT, HARRIS.
Either way, I feel confident declaring a winner at this moment.
Oh, and if this tattoo isn't enough for you, he also has this one.
If you think you've seen creepy, you haven't seen creepy yet. Because you can still follow Scott Harris on Twitter.