Emile Heskey's Goal Blitz Continues for Newcastle Jets

Emile Heskey is a figure of fun for the majority of English football fans.

It's got nothing to do with one of his middle names being "Ivanhoe" and everything to do with the fact he's a career striker who never quite mastered the art of scoring goals.

During the twilight of his career in England, things got so bad a website sprung up inviting people to write about the things they could have achieved since he last bulged the onion bag—sinceheskeyscored.com

The site even has a dedicated Heskey jokes section, featuring gems like this:

"

What do you get if you cross a ball and Emile Heskey? A goal kick.

"

Now that's just cruel—as is the FIFA 12 tribute video that mocks Heskey's penchant for bad misses and is getting on for a million views on YouTube.

All of which makes the news Heskey is scoring goals for fun in Australia the most life-affirming football story of the week.

The 34-year-old joined Newcastle Jets in September—having been deemed surplus to requirements at Aston Villa—and is emphatically living up to his star billing as their marquee player this season.

Heskey has scored four goals in his first four games in the A-League, and become an instant cult hero with the Jets' fans. "You are Heskey's b****," is their new chant, in reference to his uncompromising forward play in their colors.

Heskey is riding high. And after spending most of career as the butt of a joke, it's hard to begrudge him every moment of adulation.

Australia loves you, Emile. They love you so much it's possible to watch an entire 90 minutes of just you in action.

Heskey's no David Beckham, and he's a long way from L.A., but a Hollywood ending is there for the taking.