30 Sports Items That Should Be Burned

Nick Dimengo@@itsnickdimengoFeatured ColumnistOctober 25, 2012

30 Sports Items That Should Be Burned

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    As sports fans, we have a lot of choices to make.

    Which team to root for.

    Who we want to defend in a BAR-gument as our favorite player.

    In some cases, we even have to decide which game to watch (thanks, NFL Sunday doubleheaders).

    With all these decisions to make, the last thing we should have to do is decide what sports items we really like. There are so many these days it can be tough to keep up.

    We want the newest shoes, shirts, colognes—just give it to us all!

    But we're here to remind you that just because you see something on TV doesn't mean it's actually cool. So while you want to show you're a fanatic, please take caution in purchasing, or even wearing, these obnoxious sports items.

Starter Jackets

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    Sure, everyone had one—or at least wanted one—when they were younger. But showing up to a party with one doesn't quite carry the same swag as it once did.

    We're cool with flat bills making a comeback, but not these.

Athlete Cereals

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    It's really cool to get your own cereal named after you, since it means you're not only popular, but you're successful.

    But ever since Flutie Flakes, it's just gotten to be too cliche, so let's just stick to athletes on Wheaties boxes instead.

Message T-Shirts

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    We're not really sure which athlete started this trend, though it's become a staple for guys to wear all the time now.

    If an athlete needs extra motivation, that's one thing. When he or she's wearing something to grab attention for a saying they had or just to voice their opinion about their performances, it's just a little much.

Athlete Colognes

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    We loved Michael Jordan cologne! That was in fifth grade almost 20 years ago.

    For whatever reason, athletes and brands continue to think this is a good idea...

Arm Exercise Weights

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    If you want to workout, go to a gym. Please avoid wearing a padded weight around to work your forearms while doing other things.

Athlete's Personalized Shoes

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    We'll probably hear a bit of backlash on this one, but let us explain ourselves first.

    Jordan, Barkley, Pippen; they all had their own shoes that we spent over $100 on.

    But shoes these days are starting to get so expensive. It's a little ridiculous.

    Let's just get back to the old school "Swoosh" on the side and forget the whole branding thing.

Warmup Suits

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    If a basketball player can go their entire career leading up to college and the pros without one, why do they have to have one once they're in the association?

    They look cool and all, but just because they make you break a sweat doesn't mean they serve a great purpose.

David Wright's Helmet

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    We know this wasn't Wright's permanent helmet—using it after being hit in the head by a pitch—so we'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

    The thing was just so ridiculous, it's hard to not include it on our list.

    We're all for safety, but come on now.

Soccer Pal

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    We played soccer growing up, so we'll tell you about how well these little beauties helped with our skills: not a bit!

    If a player wants to juggle a ball, they don't need a net to stabilize it in order to do so. 

    For all parents out there, we're pleading with you to stop buying these for your kids every Christmas, because there's a reason they "keep losing them."

Single-Bar Facemasks

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    Just like Wright's Spaceballs helmet, the single-bar facemask is insane.

    It does nothing to protect a player at all—even if it is just the punter—and with all the news surrounding concussions, seems to be contradictory to what the league wants.

    We know there isn't a current guy who still wears it in the league, but God forbid anyone decides he wants to try and bring it back.

Green Men

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    There's a number of ways to get on TV or the jumbotron. Fans dance, kiss their significant other or just get lucky.

    So when we see guys dress up in spandex suits to do it, it's just a little much. We're not saying it's not funny, but it's so overdone these days we just think it's time to retire it.

Foam Fingers

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    At your very first sporting event, it's OK to use one of these. 

    Unfortunately, you're not five years old anymore, so it's time to stop packing it up in the minivan before heading to a game. 

    We're not sure when they started or why they've been so popular over the years, but they need to go away.

'D' and 'Fence' Signs

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    Just like the foam fingers, these signs are outdated. 

    Sure, the first time a guy showed up with one, we're sure tailgating fans laughed and thought it was clever, but that was what, 30-some years ago?

    They're annoying for the person behind anyone holding it, and trust us, it doesn't effect the players as much as a stadium full of people chanting it at the top of their lungs.


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    We hate these! We hate these! We hate these!

    We'll share a little story with you.

    While in Seattle a month ago, we had our girlfriend's little niece wake us up EVERYDAY with these things before she went to school.

    It's great to show support at the game; it's another thing to use them as an everyday thing.

Hair Expressions

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    We mentioned athlete's sporting inspiring shirts, so we just couldn't leave this one off.

    The Chargers' Antonio Garay has become the most popular current athlete to rock this trend—which has fortunately faded in recent years.

    Let's just hope other guys avoid the thought it looks good and it doesn't stick around too much longer.

Shooting Sleeves

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    Whether actually used to prevent "shooting elbow," or for some extra swag, it seems every single baller has one of these.

    For a pure shooter like Ray Allen to wear one, we get it.

    A big guy like Dwight Howard rocking that double sleeve, though? It's a bit much.

Big Heads

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    It's kind of funny to see a four-foot cutout of your favorite athlete, but it's just annoying to bring in to the arena/stadium and is even worse for anyone around the person holding it.


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    They've thankfully made those jammer things now, so while hilarious to wear to parties and public pool, we're hoping they stay off the shelves for guys to avoid the temptation of ever buying one again.

Poster Board Signs

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    There's definitely clever one's, but we're speaking more to the college kids who can't help but try and get on TV by spelling out something with the acronym "ESPN."

    You may be working towards a college degree, but most of the time, you swing and miss with your attempts.

Basketball Court Beer Pong Tables

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    We love beer pong. So when we walk into a garage or basement featuring a team's home court, it gets us excited.

    But we've seen some weird stuff go down after a defeat—including the breaking of a table.

    We must ask: Is it worth all the time researching, painting and building the thing if it's just going to warp from beer, and possibly get broken? 

Sit Fit Exercise Device

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    It's like rollerskating while sitting down, sans moving? 

    We'd like to think we're pretty intelligent, but we just don't get it? 

Aaron Rodgers' Belt

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    It was obnoxious before he won the Super Bowl.

    Even worse when it was everywhere following the Super Bowl.

    And now that he's a year removed from winning the Super Bowl, is one of the most annoying things around. 

5-Finger Toe Shoes

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    People claim to like these things. They're also the same people who must enjoy huge blisters and getting made fun of, because they're awful.

    We apologize to all those who swear by these things, but we just think they're the sport version of CROCS, which aren't exactly a good look themselves.

Rec Specs

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    Horace Grant.

    Eric Dickerson.

    You in middle school. 

    Something just doesn't match up. 

    There are these things called contacts; go ahead and get yourself a pair.

(Some) Throwback Uniforms

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    We wanted to exclude the throwbacks that still look great, so this is only for those that make a team look like, well, amateur.

    It's the trend to have some sort of uniform repping your team's past, but some are so ridiculous we have to plead for them to avoid the disaster any longer.

    Can there just be a rule that the uniform has to be within the past 30 years? The ones from the 30's and 40's are just hideous and so outdated.


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    Made famous during the South African hosted World Cup in 2010, these little horns caused such an outcry from fans for interfering with their beloved soccer, most tubes were just set on mute.

    When mute was off, we weren't sure if there was a mosquito flying around our ears or if it was just these annoying instruments.

Ryan Lochte's Grill

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    Lochte's the flavor of the year after his Olympic performances, but until he realizes he looks like a complete idiot with a grill, we'll always stick by Phelps' side.

    You're a swimmer dude. A swimmer.

Team Color Wigs

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    If girls who look like that can't pull off a wig sporting your team's colors, then neither should you. You're dressed to support your team, not entertain kids as a clown.

    This, along with painting your face, should never be something an adult wears at a sporting event.

Shake Weight

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    For all you pre-teens out there, we'll avoid describing what the motion looks like, but we'll say we remember when doing something like that in public might give you some dirty looks.

    These days, you'll still get dirty looks, but you'll be ripped thanks to your Shake Weight, so it's all good.

Postgame Frames

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    There was a time when the look was fresh and hip. Only a couple guys really did it, and actually pulled it off pretty well.

    But with the entire league wearing them pre- and postgame, the NBA might as well make it part of their strict dress code or put in a rule that at least one guy on a team can't wear them without being issued a tech.