Best and Worst Case Scenarios for WWE Hell in a Cell
WWE Hell in a Cell takes place this Sunday in Atlanta, Ga.
Needless to say, this pay-per-view is one of the most unpredictable in recent memory. Normally fans have a good idea of what is going to happen, but the WWE got thrown a curve that nobody saw coming.
Are there going to be any matches in the Hell in a Cell?
Does anyone care about Orton vs. Del Rio?
Does Ryback really have a chance of walking out of Atlanta as the WWE Champion?
There are thousands of possibilities for every match, but let's take a look at the best- and worst-case scenarios for every match.
WWE Tag Team Championship: Team Hell No vs. Team Rhodes Scholars
Honestly, these two teams will put on an amazing show no matter what. But...
These two teams get 20 minutes, which excludes the cell. Nearing the end of the match, Team Rhodes Scholars both attack Bryan, and Kane goes ballistic.
After taking Sandow out of the ring and distracting Rhodes in the process, Bryan uses the LeBell Lock/Yes Lock/No Lock onto Rhodes and wins cleanly.
This sets up a long-standing feud between the two teams as other, younger tag teams complete for the No. 1 contending spot, leading to a complete revolution of the tag team division and a new golden age of tag wrestling in the WWE.
WWE Creative finally realizes that they are actually putting time and effort into the tag team division and schedules this match for three minutes in a Hell in a Cell for no reason.
We spend half the match watching Daniel Bryan and Kane yelling at each other as Rhodes and Sandow discuss the merits of each presidential candidate after the debates. Then Kane hits a chokeslam on Rhodes as Sandow tries to explain to Bryan that his beard is far superior.
After the creative team comes to their senses the next night on Raw, Team Hell No drops the tag belts to The Usos, and then the useless and constant turnover of the belts starts.
Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio
Orton, who is cranky because of his lack of sleep since filming 12 Rounds: Reloaded (which will obviously save WWE Studios), snaps on Del Rio. Orton then literally abuses Del Rio for three minutes; however, no one in the back bothers to stop the assault because nobody really cares for Del Rio.
Orton beats Del Rio so badly that Del Rio has to retire, and we all join hands and sing Kumbaya.
This match lasts longer than five minutes.
Intercontinental Championship: Kofi Kingston vs. the Miz
Nearing the end of a highly competitive match, Kingston and Miz are both down. After they both struggle to get to their feet at a nine count, Kingston hits the Trouble in Paradise out of nowhere. After gaining the victory, Kingston leaves the ring, but the Miz still lays unconscious for the second time in the last three weeks from the Trouble in Paradise.
Kingston then starts to use this as the basis for some character growth, and he talks about just how dangerous the Trouble in Paradise is, saying he can beat anyone in the WWE in a second. This would eventually lead to a feud, way down the road, with CM Punk for the WWE title.
The Miz takes some time off to rest his actual injuries, Kingston gets his push, and the fans can stop complaining about Kingston not getting his shot.
WWE Creative believes that it is smart to put the IC belt back on the Miz—despite his minor concussion, lack of depth and general mediocrity.
Miz never begins a real feud and only defends his belt on PPVs against guys like Tyson Kidd and Michael McGillicutty.
Kingston then gets paired with Zack Ryder to form a less-than-stellar tag team who eventually wins the tag team titles against Team Hell No, thus destroying both the Intercontinental and tag team title divisions at once.
World Heavyweight Championship: Sheamus vs. Big Show
Let’s face it: This match will suck.
The only saving grace is Dolph Ziggler cashing in the Money in the Bank briefcase and winning the title.
Then Sheamus tries to get an automatic rematch, but Wade Barrett says he deserves it. Then, mercifully, Barrett wins, and we get Ziggler and Barrett for the World Heavyweight title.
Either Sheamus or Big Show leaves Atlanta as the champion.
WWE Championship: CM Punk vs. Ryback
After a lengthy and brutal bout, Ryback starts calling for the Shell Shocked; however, Paul Heyman slipped CM Punk a pair of brass knuckles.
John Cena, who can’t have anyone else have a main event, tries to interfere and stop the attack. Then out of the crowd comes Brock Lesnar who beats the holy hell out of Cena. Ryback then gets hit with the brass knuckles, followed by the GTS by Punk.
As the match concludes, Punk, Heyman and Lesnar all stand victorious in the ring. The following night on Raw, the Heyman guys kick off the show. Heyman tells everyone how he has now formed the most powerful duo in wrestling history. Vickie Guerrero comes out and blathers on.
Guerrero announces that at Survivor Series it will be Team Punk vs. Team Cena.
I will lose my mind if Ryback wins.
Well, we all know there will be some filler matches for the show. Let's take a look at what those could be.
- Some useless tag-team match with Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara: WWE wants to promote the tag-team division, and they seem to love these two.
- Justin Gabriel vs. Antonio Cesaro: Gabriel picked up the miracle upset over Cesaro on Raw. He will more than likely get a four-minute title match at Hell in a Cell.
- Some divas match: I'm going to level with you: I don't even really know what's going on in the divas division anymore. Their once remotely promising story line is gone.
- WWE 13 video game commercials: I promise you these will happen after every match!
So those are the best- and worst-case scenarios for WWE Hell in a Cell.
Do you think I should be fed to Ryback?
Do you think I'm less interesting than Alberto Del Rio?
Do you think I need to stop sniffing highlighters?
As always, let me know in the comments below. Remember to follow me on Twitter at @footballcanuck for much more up-to-the-minute wrestling insight.