There were some mighty fit Roman centurions who just got shafted by Men's Health.
If you want to know who the epitome of men's fitness is since the human race stepped foot into this world, it would be Michael Phelps.
Every last lanky inch of him.
Sure, he looks a little like Bill Haverchuck from Freaks and Geeks, but he is what every man should strive to become, from a fitness point of view of course.
You can take a look at Men's Health Magazine's breakdown of all 100 of the best athletes of all time. One thing you might notice is the last 50 years have been pretty much the fittest in the history of mankind.
Ray Lewis begins the list at 100, but is somehow less fit than Vikings running back Adrian Peterson who comes in at No. 97.
Some of my favorite picks from a purely silly perspective are Daniel Craig at No. 50, beating out both Hugh Jackman and Brad Pitt who are lower on the list.
I also enjoyed the pudgiest health nut of all time, Richard Simmons, at No. 20. But the real prize is saved for the most decorated Olympian of all time.
Well, modern Olympics anyway.
Beating out Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Lee and millions upon millions of other men who have lived and died since men began walking and then jogging on this world is Michael Phelps, the fittest of all time, history and existence as far as you know—like, ever.
I'm not sure what you even do with an accolade that tremendous, but it has to begin with a shot of wheat grass and end with a marathon run.
In their report on Michael Phelps winning the tremendous honor, the magazine discusses what they were looking for in this ambiguous term, "fit."
When judging the fittest men of all-time, Men’s Health decided on a few caveats. Fitness, as we define it, isn’t just about abs and muscle tone and obscure measurements like V02 Max—but that’s all part of it, of course. Fitness is also about what you do with the body you’ve built.
That could include setting—and smashing—records, leading your team to championships, and winning countless gold medals, but fitness doesn’t stop with personal achievements, either.
After much debate, they gave the prize to Phelps who helped in the cause, sort of.
Better yet, Phelps didn’t win on talent alone. His workouts were the stuff of Olympic legend. As he told Men’s Health, “I was doing 10 workouts a week in the pool, three weight workouts plus three core workouts. It was totally intense.”
Well, we totally accept the fact that Phelps is the true mark of the best the planet earth has to offer regarding men and their fitness.
Hamilton Nolan has a great article on Gawker that serves to answer this question as well, and comes up with a possibility in Milo of Croton, or maybe Tom Platz.
Yeah, but can they subsist on Subway? I think not.
Michael Phelps is, apparently, the man we all need to be. Case closed.
Follow me on Twitter because it's less exhausting than working out.
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