The Good, the Bad, the Funny, and...the Funnier Sports Quotes

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The Good, the Bad, the Funny, and...the Funnier Sports Quotes
Photo provided by NHL.com.

Many famous athletes are known for how they play the game. Others are known for what they say.

Take Michael Jordan and Sean Avery, for example.

Jordan is inspirational. His play is a reason why athletes want to be great and why amateurs want to make it big.

Avery?

Not so much.

A tyrant in the NHL, Avery's best known for his sharp tongue and crude remarks, but whether it's play or say, we remember both for what they offer.

Today, I dedicate this to the sports figures who make us want to become better...and those who make us laugh.

Here are the good, the bad, the funny and the funnier of sports quotes:

The Good

“The vision of a champion is someone who is bent over, drenched in sweat to the point of exhaustion, when no one else is watching.”—Anson Dorrance (UNC Tar Heels women’s soccer coach)

“We set standards that we expect our student-athletes to adhere to both on and off the court. We will not tolerate anything less.”—Bruce Pearl (Tennessee Volunteers men’s basketball coach)

"You miss 100% of the shots you never take."—Wayne Gretzky (NHL) 

“When you put on that jersey, you represent yourself and your team, and the name on the front is a hell of a lot more important than the one on the back.”— Herb Brooks (1980 U.S. Olympic men’s hockey coach)

"Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom."—General George Patton

"Like many athletes, I played in college for the chance to play in the pros. In the years since I retired, I’ve come to realize that the education I got in college was for life. I will have it forever and for that I am incredibly grateful."—Pat Toomay (NFL)

“Show me a guy who’s afraid to look bad, and I'll show you a guy you can beat every time.”—Lou Brock (MLB)

The Bad

“You’re the reason the league doesn’t have a national television deal. You’re a terrible announcer and you were a terrible player.”—Sean Avery (NHL, New York Rangers) to former player and commentator Brian Hayward

“Fifty percent of life in the NBA is sex. The other 50 percent is money.”—Dennis Rodman (NBA) 

“There is nothing like having great VIP seats to an NHL game between two teams that should be in the AHL.”—Mike Tallari on his experience watching the Los Angeles Kings vs. Tampa Bay Lightning

“If you believe that Anna Kournikova claims that she is a virgin, then I’ll never question a call in my life.”—John McEnroe (Tennis, current analyst) 

“F***ing Frenchman did a good job; he just skated away.”—Shane Doan (NHL, Phoenix Coyotes) to Michel Cormier

“I only talk to the people I like; I only like the people in my inner circle and you’re not one of them.”—Terrell Owens (NFL, Buffalo Bills) to an anonymous press reporter

The Funny

“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.”—Winston Bennett (Forward, Kentucky Wildcats basketball)

“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.”—Jason Kidd (NBA), upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

 

“I’ve won at every level, except college and pro.”—Shaquille O’Neal (NBA, Phoenix Suns), on his lack of championships

 

“Half this game is 90 percent mental.”—Danny Ozark (Former Philadelphia Phillies manager)

 

“There is one word in America that says it all and that word is, ‘you never know’.” —Joaquin Andujar (MLB)

 

“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.”—Tiger Woods (Golf)

 

“Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious.”— Alan Minter (former boxer)

 

“…A fascinating duel between three men.”—David Coleman (BBC commentator), talking about the hammer throw competition

 

The Funnier

 

"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards. Whichever comes first."—George Rogers (NFL RB), when asked about the upcoming season

 

“Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.”—Metro Radio analyst (Football)

 

"The game was closer than the score indicated."—Dizzy Dean (former MLB pitcher and broadcaster), after a 1-0 game

 

“The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.”—Dizzy Dean, explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series

 

“If you'd offered me a 69 at the start this morning, I’d have been all over you.”—Sam Torrance (Golfer)

 

“I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”—Greg Norman (Golfer)

“This is a really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.”—Ted Walsh (Horse Racing commentator)

Britney Milazzo is a Contributor for Bleacher Report. 

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