David Letterman is famous for his Top 10 Lists, so I'll do him one better. With no further ado, here are Jux Berg's Top 11 Things That Grind His Gears (I know, I'm borrowing that from Family Guy—I don't think MacFarlane will mind).
11. Duke's Non-conference Schedule: Anyone else notice that Duke never ever plays a true road game? It's always a neutral site or at Cameron. I know they don't have to do it, since they're Duke ("Everyone bow down to Duke!"), but why don't you guys grow a set and actually do it? Go play in a small gym somewhere. See what happens. So weak.
10. Stanford's Non-conference Schedule: Has anyone taken a look at the Cardinal's out-of-conference schedule this season? Is this a joke? Is someone tryin' to mess with my brain, or is this actually who Stanford played? In case you don't feel like looking it up, the best team they played was Siena—and oh, by the way, they lost by 12!
9. People arguing that Virginia Tech should have made the field. Obviously, these people watched one game and one game only. The ACC Tournament semifinal against UNC in which they let Tyler Hansbrough get an offensive rebound and hit a buzzer-beater. These people easily didn't bother to notice that the Hokies have 13 losses, and kind of, uh, lost to Penn State, Old Dominion, and Richmond, while scoring big marquee wins over, well, nobody.
8. Tyler Hansbrough's mouth. Does he EVER close it? EVER?
7. Notre Dame's Luke Harangody. Watching him play. That, in itself, not only grinds my gears, but it effectively trashes my entire will to live. Please, Lord, don't make me watch this awkward yutz play anymore! I'm begging you!
6. The Popular Cinderella Pick. Every year, every "expert" joins together to deem a certain school as "this year's Cinderella" before the tournament starts. This year, it happens to be Davidson. Everyone is so obsessed with "Cinderella." Get over it.
5. The Hottest Team. The experts also like to jump on the bandwagon of the hottest team, but they're ignoring a common factor. It's the "blew-their-wad-too-early factor." This means that the team already did all it could do and won't make another run. This year, I have a feeling it just may be "dark horse" Pitt.
4. Selection Committee Chairman Tom O'Connor, a.k.a. "Dr. Evasive." This guy is pretty slick. He always seems to find a way to phrase his answer with some big prelude about the beauty of competiton before barely touching on what was actually asked.
3. Punishing Teams for Losing in their Conference Tournaments. This happens every season. It's almost like the regular season means nothing. It's ridiculous to judge a team based on one loss in a conference tournament against a team who has already played them twice and knows all their plays by now. This year, it was Illinois State, who finished second in the MVC, a very tough league. Also, Tennessee bowed out early in the SEC Tourney, which apparently negated them being the only team to beat Memphis.
2. Arizona Gets Nod Over Arizona State. This is why the RPI needs to be tossed. Let's see, ASU had the better record in conference play, the better non-conference win, beat Stanford, and oh yeah, swept Arizona. But hey, Arizona was able to schedule Memphis and Kansas, so they get the nod. Big surprise, too. I wouldn't expect the committee to reward a more deserving team over a team that would generate more revenue, would you?
1. Billy Packer. I've had enough of his antics. He needs to pack up those antics, and take them elsewhere. His opinions are so "Almighty Creator of College Basketball." Plus, he likes to subtly hint towards racist stereotypes—you know, the old "What a smart, heady player with a high basketball IQ," when referring to whites and the old "What a great athlete" deal when referring to black players. I know he's the voice of the Final Four, but I could list five better options. It's time for him to go.
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7 months ago
Good stuff.
I don't know a living human who likes Billy Packer. I am disturbed by Packer's refusal to say Billy Donovan's last name correctly. Dude insists on saying Dunn-uh-van.
Bill Raftery is hands down the best commentator.
from 6 months ago
Raftery is great... here is my current Top 5 List of replacements for Packer:
5) Stephen Bardo - he's great.. knows a ton, played in a final 4, and referenced MC Breed in a game
4) Jay Bilas - he's a Dukie, but dude knows everything, and says whats on his mind
3) Len Elmore - love Len and Shulman as a team... he knows his shit
2) Bill Raftery - knows a lot, great enthusiasm
1) Larry Conley - he's cool, has great tourney experience, and I just like how he used to get REALLY excited when my Bearcats would play well... especially James White, Kenyon, Hicks, and Maxiell
As for Play-By-Play Men...
5) Bob Carpenter
4) Gus Johnson
3) Brad Nessler
2) Michael Reghi
1) Dan Shulman
p.s. I've had enough of Musburger... e-nough
7 months ago
Your bitch session was entertaining :) Nice job!
7 months ago
I don't think America fully grasps how big a travesty it is to let Arizona play in this tournament.
The sadder thing is they'll probably win a game or two and the RPI lovers will say, "See??? I told ya!"
Arizona is the basketball equivalent of watching Roseanne Barr compete in a nude mud-wrestling match.
7 months ago
If I had Harangody, Washington's Jon Brockmann & another with their heart and waarrior spirit in my front line, Id be a cinch for the "elite eight". Every efficent basketball player is not long and skinny.
7 months ago
Only Peter Griffin can use the tag: "Grind My Gears" .... c'mon, we all know that.
7 months ago
Only Peter Griffin can use the tag: "Grind My Gears" .... c'mon, we all know that.
7 months ago
Only Peter Griffin can use the tag: "Grind My Gears" .... c'mon, we all know that.
7 months ago
Good article.
I have an answer for the Hansbrough Gear Grinder: he's trying to confuse everyone, while magically making impossible baskets from his hip and being triple-teamed all at the same time.
Loved the Family Guy reference.
It Grinds My Gears that Michael has taken fault with your article and freakin posted the same comment three times!
from 6 months ago
Hey Timothy (who the fuck actually GOES by "Timothy" anyway?):
Go sodomize a 2-week old goat carcass while your grandmother rapes your Dad.
from 6 months ago
What gives man? What did I do to piss you off?
from 6 months ago
Who goes by Timothy?
Dude, your name is Landen Baseball Cards.
But great basketball analysis. Sarcasm.
7 months ago
Agree on most of them. Only one that sticks out is 6. The Popular Cinderella Pick. Davidson is for real. They've won 20+ in a row and has only lost 1 game, just 1 game this year by double digits. And that includes games against UNC, Duke, UCLA and Charlotte.
7 months ago
Chris: I wasn't disagreeing with Davidson being a good team... I was merely remarking about how overused and tired this whole "Cinderella" obsession is
7 months ago
Then I agree
7 months ago
Davidson stopped being a Cinderella when the 2,000,000th analyst declared Davidson as their "Cinderella".
7 months ago
I am picking the Zags just for that reason. I made fun of these analysts in my article about Chimps beating the Bracketologists. I have Bob Knight throwing a chair at Billy Packer, maybe that will make you feel better.
7 months ago
everyone else took al the good comments, I got nothing to add
6 months ago
I'm more disturbed that Oregon made the field than I am that Zona made it.
So here's my gear grinder: Georgia and the SEC. How does the last place team in the conference win the tournament? We've got a "champion" of a "power" conference seeded number 14. I'm all for the underdog, but this is ridiculous. Get out some PIs and start looking into point shaving.
6 months ago
man, harangody's game may be ugly, but you gotta appreciate a guy like that. in one conference game (i forget which) he hit back-to-back-to-back threes. in the last minute. and i believe those were his first three attempts all season.
6 months ago
11.everyone want to see duke so why would they go play in a small stadiums gym?
10. wow, you are right about stanford
9. that same thing though can be said about oregon and they got in
8. no, he lacks the ability to close his mouth
7. for as good as the big east claims to be, that guy is the leauges best player? wow, it is painful watching him
6. Gonzaga ruined if for everyone, but hopefully davidson does beat them cause ive had an assfull of the zags
5. when i made my bracket i thought i was the only one that picked pitt, but it turns out everyone is picking them, i guess ill have to rethink that before tomorrow.
4. he said the other day that they dont even look at conference records. huh? that seems pretty important to me, no wonder oregon got in.
3. its just like when a football team loses early then the undefeated team loses the last game of the year yet the team that lost early jumps them. i dont get it
2. why do you think gonzaga keeps getting in? problem with arizona state is the state. arizona has history, state dosent, rpi is just as messed up as the bcs
1. didnt he almost get fired for yelling at girls in a student section a few years ago?
6 months ago
The size of the gym would have nothing to do with how many people get to see a Duke game. It's not like Joe Schmoe can get tickets to Cameron Indoor anyway. It'd just be nice to see them go into a hostile gym and play an unfamiliar team.
I don't get your beef with Gonzaga. You ask "why do you think gonzaga keeps getting in?" The answer is simple: they deserve to be there. Yeah, they've been dancing 9 years in a row, but they won the WCC
from 6 months ago
(comment continued because i inexplicably hit clicked 'post comment' in mid sentence)
Yeah, they've been dancing 9 years in a row, but they won the WCC tournament in seven of those seasons. In the other two, they were regular season champs, and they posted good OOC wins prior to losing to USD in the WCC final.
And I don't know how you've had an "assfull" of the Zags; they're pretty underexposed for a 7 seed. Butler and Drake have gotten way more media coverage this year than the Bulldogs. They've been able to sneak under the radar nicely, and are a good team. They should beat Davidson, who is a great story but hasn't beaten anyone impressive.
6 months ago
Giggity Giggity!
6 months ago
Tyler Hansbrough is one of the most intense players in the game, but your right, his mouth seems to hang open too many times.
6 months ago
Well said Jux! There is no excuse for Duke to NOT play a true OOC road game. Even Jim Boeheim took his Orange to Virginia this year and I've seen a report that they have a home and home with Memphis starting @ Memphis for next year. I also agree with you about Billy Packer. He thinks he's above the game. And on Selection Sunday, his grilling of the selction committee chair as to why the ACC only got four teams was as pathetic as I've seen. Hey Billy, the ACC only deserved four teams!!!! VaTech's argument for a bid was a total joke. VaTech....beat someone and then we'll talk.
6 months ago
Update:
* Duke's weak OOC slate came back to bite them-- nice showing Coach K... shoulda lost to Belmont
* Told ya Arizona didnt belong
* Hansbrough's mouth is still open
* Nice effort Harangody.. thank the Lord too, dont have to watch him play anymore
* Billy Packer is still a stupid a$$hole
* I knew Pitt had already blown their weak load
* Good win Davidson, a.k.a. "Cinderella," but lemme ask you this: How does a 10 seed get basically a HOME GAME while the higher seed, Gonzaga, has to fly 2000 miles and play a game at 9:25 am their time?? Kinda ridiculous dontcha think??
6 months ago
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