The 25 Most Annoying Sights in Sports
Athletes were bred to inspire. Broadcasters were trained to articulate and entertain. Heck, even pundits were shaped into cynical comedians. But these sports personalities can often leave us with clenched fists and shattered television remotes.
Whether we initially favor these particular sportsmen or not, we're often drawn to their vibrantly nonsensical utterances and ridiculous expressions. As Rob Riggle once noted, sometimes there's just something about the face.
With every one of these upcoming visuals, we continue to die a little inside.
Grab that stress ball and prepare for an obnoxious collection of ruthless sportsmen who together form sports' wacky underbelly—the most annoying sights in sports. Let's savor the frustration.
25. John McEnroe's Hysterics
The King of the temper tantrum during his 14 years as tennis' poster child, John McEnroe had a way of simultaneously exciting and frustrating those around him.
Particularly judges, fans, opponents, analysts, trash cans, rain drops. And yes, Johnny Boy, we are very serious.
24. The Fashion Statement
Double-breasted suit jackets coated with pink polka dots and flower-shop specials once made analysts Craig Sager and Don Cherry legends on the hardwood and the ice, respectively.
But times have changed for these fashion pioneers. Styles that once sparked smiles from renowned athletes and intrigued viewers now have sports enthusiasts preferring an episode of Heidi Klum's "Project Runway."
We'll allow Kevin Garnett the burning finish.
23. Tony Kornheiser's Antics
To quote Packers star Aaron Rodgers, not only does Pardon The Interruption host Tony Kornheiser lack humor and insight, but he also knows nothing about sports (via Huffington Post).
Whether Rodgers' harsh words have merit or not is based on opinion. Kornheiser's disregard for Hannah Storm's outfit or feelings and his ridiculous dress-ups, however, are factually atrocious.
22. Scrappy Sean Avery
Weighing 185 pounds and barely eclipsing a fifth of whiskey, possibly-retired NHL winger Sean Avery became the league's most infamous instigator during his controversial hockey career.
Racial slurs (allegedly), sloppy-second comments (regarding ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert, who's dating fellow NHLer Dion Phaneuf) and run-ins with the law have tainted this feisty southpaw's reputation.
The former Vogue intern seems to take it all in stride.
21. Chris Berman's Nonstop Nature
Essentially the Emeril Lagasse of sports broadcasting, Chris Berman's soundboard bits haunt us around the clock.
It...could...go...all...the...way...Back, back, back...WHOOP. We have to wonder whether the animated verbalist is just as excessive at home.
20. Tom Brady's Brushing
Oh, what those UGGs have done to the newest member of the Brady Bunch.
Tom Terrific's hair has transformed for years now. From Owen Wilson's flowery mane to Justin Bieber's cherubic bowl-top, Brady's sinewy presentation has yet to fail the cameras and the women.
It has, however, failed everyone else.
19. McKayla Maroney Disapproves
Olympic medalist McKayla Maroney was expected to bring home an illustrious gold at this year's Games. Unfortunately, the gifted gymnast endured a slight slip and could only secure the silver.
Her resulting "unimpressed" face went viral faster than corn through a goose, and we're not finished critiquing it. Although we're thinking more along the lines of Maximus Decimus Meridius—"Are you not entertained?!"
18. Rob Ryan's Aneurysms
From middle-of-the-pack No. 14 last year to elite-scraping No. 4 through Week 4 of the 2012 NFL season, Rob Ryan's Dallas defense has certainly stepped up.
For a while, however, it seemed as if Ryan's voluptuous screams did nothing to motivate his talented squad. Let's be clear, we love the brash Ryan brothers.
But we enjoy Rob more when he's riling up his own Germanic tribes before a battle against the Romans instead of attacking helpless referees.
17. Colin Cowherd's Herd
A pompous and insensitive chatterbox with a smile that makes us cringe, this radio host has all the makings of a typical blowhard.
But it was Colin Cowherd's unnecessary blabbering about Sean Taylor's murder that keeps us tearing through walls. And calling your listeners the Herd? They're not a pack of grazing ungulates waiting to be milked (those animals are far too busy to tune in).
16. Floyd Mayweather Jr. Making It Rain
Backed by toothy rapper 50 Cent (no more?) and a ferocious right hook, Floyd "Money" Mayweather was always going to get rich—or, of course, die trying.
But the star-studded pugilist—undefeated at 43-0—seems more concerned with tossing insults than punches. Muhammad Ali's arrogance was humorous, almost inspirational. Mayweather's is simply distasteful.
15. Tearful Terrell Owens
When his Cowboys lost to the Giants in the '08 NFC divisional round, Terrell Owens (four catches for 49 yards) went to the mattresses in defense of his quarterback.
And the self-centered receiver gave an award-winning performance like we'd never seen before. Yet we weren't sold on his compassion. And neither was Jerry Jones, as he would release the talented wideout just over a year later.
14. A Buck-Aikman Broadcast
Depicting how their audience often feels during their broadcasts, Joe Buck and Troy Aikman form perhaps the most authentic tandem in sports. Authentically awful.
They embrace their humble abode with a mundane recklessness that seems almost oxymoronic. Never have we endured such numbing football.
13. Deliveries from Freddie Mitchell
In Freddie Mitchell's books, Freddie Mitchell was far beyond the greatest receiver who ever lived. In fact, we were almost convinced.
The man once dubbed FredEx became a pariah shortly after his two-touchdown performance in the 2004 NFC divisional game against the Vikings, after which he stated, "I just want to thank my hands for being so great" (via the NY Times).
After beating Atlanta in the championship round, Mitchell ran his mouth once again, calling out the Patriots secondary. In the Eagles' Super Bowl XXXIX defeat, butterfingers would secure one catch for 11 yards.
He left the gridiron as the greatest pound-for-pound talker of his generation.
12. Jay Cutler's Stare
A gunslinging mentality and blatant disregard for the classy route have made Vanderbilt product Jay Cutler an easy target for fans around the football world. Dismissing coaches, yelling at teammates, having a website dedicated to him smoking imaginary cigarettes. It never ends for the goofy quarterback.
Simply put, the dude plays by his own rules, nobody else's...not even his own. Cutler is a pure, misunderstood rebel.
11. Mel Kiper Jr. Speaking
No, that's not Scar from Disney's The Lion King. But yes, Mel Kiper Jr. is just as nefarious.
He's been professionally yelling about the NFL Draft since 1984, yet we can't seem to enjoy his textbook analysis. Todd McShay just seems far more genuine.
Oh yeah, maybe it's because of Kiper's alleged relationships with agents. Did he kill Mustafa behind our backs as well?
10. Philip Rivers' Smile
Dubbed Philly Cheese by forlorn cameramen, the quirky side-arming quarterback of the Chargers even has a website dedicated to his bevy of strange faces.
His collection is headlined by one defining expression (pictured), which ideally details the N.C. State product's arrogant and patently oblivious nature.
9. Tebowing by Other Athletes
Watching slow-motion-stud Paul Pierce slowly dominate the hardwood is frustrating enough. Tebowing, well that's just another step toward pure nauseation.
We don't hold Tim Tebow responsible for this cliched fad, considering he's just being himself. We hold the world responsible for slaughtering the pose.
8. Cris Collinsworth's Turkey Neck
With a tone that leaves even Ben Stein in a state of fury, former receiver-turned-broadcaster Cris Collinsworth has mastered the art of frustrating an audience.
His stale "humor" and blatant disregard for saying the right thing often leave co-host Al Michaels unable to speak. You can bet that since 2009, the Madden video game has been played on mute.
7. Stephen A. Smith's Tone
Whereas close buddy Skip Bayless preaches controversial fodder, Stephen A. Smith preaches the art of loud noises (thank you, Brick Tamland).
What he does is very tricky and almost brilliant in effect. Smith sits back, rolls his eyes, takes a brief nap and then suddenly, when Bayless is done, he flips the switch.
Often beginning with "I've known the man for years, we're very close..." or "It hurts me to say this because he's a good friend," Smith then proceeds to scream until his point is understood. Even if no point was made.
6. Skip Bayless' Eyebrow Curl
With a know-it-all look that makes viewers simultaneously infuriated and intrigued, Skip Bayless has mastered the art of being a controversial hater.
Hating on anyone with either a drop of talent or an unwillingness to put Tim Tebow in the game, the First Take talker has taken sports journalism to the next level. He's proven that when discussed enough, any individual can become immortal.
5. The New York Jets Offense
With nobody to fear (except, of course, fear itself) on the Jets offense, they have less rhythm than an inebriated Alpaca at the top of the Andes mountains.
But don't blame Mark Sanchez, Gang Green nation. With defensive end Mike DeVito possibly the most capable target, Sanchez might as well start scrambling faster than egg beaters on a Monday morning.
And so much for that "ground-and-pound" attack (it takes an actual starting tailback for that)? Can Greg McElroy play receiver? How about Fireman Ed?
4. Jerry Jones' Personal Assistant
In our Week 1 edition of "C'Mon Man," Cowboys gajillionaire Jerry Jones was seen taking his newly furnished glasses from son-in-law Shy Anderson. Doesn't he have billion-dollar, high-definition televisions with disposable Jerry Wipes to do that for him?
Apparently blood is thicker than water, even when there's no blood involved.
3. Alex Rodriguez's Love for Himself
As if making nearly $30 million per season and batting far below .300 wasn't enough to make the entire baseball (and sports) world despise him, former "baseball savior" Alex Rodriguez allowed his roller-coaster personal life to surface.
His self-kissing spectacle detailed just how narcissistic the Yankee slugger truly is. His Centaur-slash-Rodriguez portrait is a close second.
2. Clay Matthews' Sideline Shower
As perhaps the gridiron's most feared linebacker, we'd expect Clay Matthews to wreak havoc away from the field with his bursting musculature and snarling demeanor.
Instead, the Packers backer tosses back his golden locks like he's auditioning for a Head & Shoulders commercial every time sweat scrapes his forehead (Suave caught on first). Remember those Titans? Well, move aside Ronnie Bass, we've got a new suuuuuunshine.
1. Ryan Lochte's Persona
Nonsensical interviews and blown relays seemingly headline this swimmer's resume, yet it's his attempt to trademark the term "Jeah" that seems the most ridiculous.
Considering he ripped the phrase right from the manuscripts of early '90s hip-hop, it's clear the 28-year-old swimmer is far more phony than he lets on in interviews.
In Lochte's words, "What defines me...Ryan Lochte."
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