Boston Bruins: How Each Player Should Spend His NHL Lockout

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As of early Tuesday morning, 12 active members of the Boston Bruins’ NHL roster have not signed to play in another league during the lockout.

If any of the players in question are not going to pursue a regular hockey regimen until the Bruins are permitted to reconvene, perhaps they can pitch in to ensure continued local and regional interest in the franchise.

Do note that these suggestions are generally meant for amusement, although if any of them were put into action, they just might work based on a given player’s traits and/or background.

Patrice Bergeron

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The team’s most proficient passer on the ice can dole out another key kind of pass to the residents of Boston by manning an MBTA ticket window.

Johnny Boychuk

The blueliner with a rarely exploited, but always sizzling slap shot can capitalize on his goal call from NESN announcer Jack Edwards and work at a Johnny Rockets.

Gregory Campbell

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After a valiant battle, this author surrenders. It is impossible to escape the most obvious associations with Campbell’s surname.

In turn, the Bruin who shares a name with the inanimate models of a famed Andy Warhol project can don his gear and stand before the students in a local college art class. He could assume a multitude of positions, such as taking a faceoff, awaiting a pass, blocking a shot or celebrating a goal.

Zdeno Chara

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Chara could be the next Bruin to venture overseas, though his agent told the Boston Herald that nothing has been decided either way.

One thing is certain: Chara would have an abundance of vocational options should he elect not to play elsewhere. Besides being the NHL’s tallest player and one who makes exemplary use of his physical gifts, he speaks proficiently in four languages and knows or is learning three others.

With all of those skills and leadership qualities, the Bruins captain can find a variety of teaching or tutoring gigs, either in gym class or world languages.

Nathan Horton

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In one brief moment of plain seriousness, Horton has already declared, through his agent, that he will keep away from competitive hockey for the lockout. Based on his recent health history, a fairly relaxed alternative gig is in order for the time being.

However, anything that would have him monitoring a counter and being in full view of any fans who patronize the establishment in question could not hurt the team from a PR standpoint.

Aaron Johnson

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For one of the team’s few offseason imports, any job that requires regular use of the city’s aforementioned transit system would be appropriate. If nothing else, seeing more of the area would advance his acclimation to his new place of NHL employment.

Chris Kelly

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Granted, sharing a name with a Saturday Night Live staff writer will not grant him any skills in that field, but Kelly would not have much to lose if he spent the extended NHL offseason helping to brainstorm ideas for new, longer episodes of The Bear and the Gang.

Milan Lucic

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When he is at the top of his game, Lucic is a physical, blue-collar, energetic, energizing and fairly productive young contributor to the Bruins offense. A similar description can be applied to Rob Gronkowski of the Patriots, who has endeared himself to the same New England fanbase in a comparable fashion.

Whenever the two are simultaneously available, which ought to occur more regularly than usual as long as the NHL is locked out, they should collaborate on community events. One of many activities could be a puck-spiking contest between Lucic and Gronkowski or two teams coached by them.

Brad Marchand

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Named one of the 25 most stylish Bostonians of 2011 by boston.com, Marchand has the credentials to start rivaling Sean Avery as a fashion guru.

Adam McQuaid

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A dense fascination with Celtic music is shared between McQuaid’s native Prince Edward Island and his area of employment in Boston. Even if it is not in an active on-stage role, he could find a way to capitalize on that common thread.

Daniel Paille

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This past February, Paille told Jesse Connolly of the New England Hockey Journal that his favorite road city “used to be Boston” and, when asked to name his hobby, replied “I really like to walk around the city.”

Outside of more intensive workouts to ensure he retains his game shape, Paille can pass his extra spare time with lighter, simpler exercise while productively acting on his hobby. In doing so, perhaps when the Bruins reemerge for action, he can hand over a season’s worth of Boston-related factoids for the radio or TV crew to sprinkle over the air.

Shawn Thornton

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If there is any way for Thornton to build upon his brief acting stint in the summer film Ted, there is no time like the present to look for it. With enough initiative, he could combine his secondary career with his day job and foster a campaign for a sequel to or TV series based on Goon.