NHL Lockout: 10 Alternative Programming Suggestions for the NHL Network
With the NHL Lockout in full swing, players are fleeing to Europe and the stands in the arenas lay empty until the league and the union can reconcile their differences.
Of course, we all know who the real victim is in all of this. The NHL Network.
Those guys, who would normally bring us fantastic highlights and up-to-the-minute information on trades and contract situations, now have nothing to show us.
So here are a few different directions that the NHL Network could go while we miss hockey games.
Let's face it, with the amount of free time these guys are going to have, and the fact that several of the more notable players in the league are teenagers, these guys need a cooking lesson.
No team meals and I'm not terribly certain how many of them know how to cook.
So why not give them a bit more informational version of a competitive cooking show? I know a lot of the guys would really appreciate the know-how.
One of the most popular shows on HGTV would probably love to have a spot on the NHL Network during the lockouts, and I bet some of the owners would love to see it.
Both of the gentlemen on the show are Canadian and have a serious knack for finding people new places to live or upgrading their current space.
I can think of a couple of teams that might be able to benefit from either an update or a relocation.
It kills me to encourage this show, but in order to keep some of the more casual fans of the game the NHL Network may need to bring in some violence.
And at least Jersey Shore is in New Jersey?
Some of the NHL talent enjoys some good old-fashioned karaoke.
Then so they can embody their competitive spirit, we can bring in Adam Levine, Cee Lo Green, Christina Aguilera and Blake Shelton to judge their battle rounds live.
If the judges can't decide, then the boys just need to drop the gloves and let it go from there.
There really isn't any great secret as to why the lights went out. I have the ending of this series pictured in my mind perfectly.
After travelling great distances and fighting off many people who for some reason fought with long, curved sticks, the party opens a door where lies the legendary answer of why the lights went out.
They shine their light from a torch into a dark room and see Gary Bettman and Donald Fehr sitting at a table not saying a word to each other.
Then there is a Soprano's style ending when the main character starts to say, "What the f..." and then you just flash to the logo.
The NHL has had a bit of a reality swing going with shows like Becoming Wild and the newer Oil Change where they follow rebuilding teams through a whole season.
Now that there is a lockout there aren't any teams to follow, so why not just get an HBO crew in on labor negotiations for some Hard Knocks?
If nothing else, it would give the fans a very up-close and personal view into the intricacies of labor bargaining.
I bet it would get great ratings, too. Or at least ratings comparable to Chad Johnson getting cut.
A New Season of Scrubs
Scrubs is a show that has repeatedly shown love to hockey, and I can forgive Dr. Cox for being a Red Wings fan, so I think the NHL Network should work on getting another season going.
If nothing else, it would really be fun to watch John Tortorella go through one of his press conferences dropping into some Dr. Cox-style rants like the one above.
The NHL is in need of some serious counseling right now, and what better place to do it than on live network television?
Dr. Phil helped Terrell Owens talk about his "Daddy Drama," I'm sure he could help Gary Bettman and Donald Fehr resolve some differences in a tear-filled special broadcast live on the NHL Network.
At least then all the lights wouldn't go out.
Dr. Phil might be a bad example to set for the NHL and NHLPA during their negotiations as some people might think he has "too soft a touch," so to speak.
Well, there is one lady on television that you don't need to worry about that with, Judge Judy.
Give the NHL Network a special episode of Judge Judy to figure out the CBA negotiations and we'll be done in one 20-minute episode.
And I, for one, would love to hear what names she could come up with for Gary Bettman.
Talk about a match made in someplace other than heaven for the NHL Network during the lockout, they can do their own spinoff version of Dexter.
Dexter, for anybody who might not know, is about a serial killer who works for the police and fills his need to kill people by finding people who beat the system.
The NHL Network should look into doing one surrounding Gary Bettman and his attempt to kill as many seasons as humanly possible during his tenure and how he has to hide his real reason for doing so.
Yes, I know Bettman works for the owners, but there's no denying that Bettman is the poster-child of labor disputes and work stoppages.