The meatheads from Jersey Shore called it "Gym-Tan-Laundry." But here, we call it "Guaranteed To Lose," and we have a new top five for the GTL in Week 5.
I'm sure Blaine Gabbert rolls out of bed each morning and wonders, "What do I have to do to get my team off Zerkle's Top 5 Teams Guaranteed To Lose?" I'm sure he is.
And by the way, I would answer, either (a) shave Shahid Khan's mustache while he sleeps, or (b) move the team to Los Angeles already. This is all a long way of saying, yes, the Jags made the GTL again. Few things in life are so certain on a fall Sunday as a Jaguars loss.
Another team trending downward is the New York Jets. Their best defensive player, cornerback Darrelle Revis, is out for the season. Their most potent offensive weapon, wide receiver Santonio Holmes, suffered a foot injury in their blowout loss to San Francisco. This is what happens when head coaches start crash dieting. And so, we welcome Gang Green to the GTL for Week 5.
To see the rest of our teams guaranteed to lose, you'll have to check out the video above. Leave your thoughts in the comments below, including your own teams guaranteed to lose this weekend.
Thanks for watching.