WWE Top 5 Worst of the Week: Cena, Ryback and More!

Andy Soucek@Andy_SoucekFeatured ColumnistSeptember 30, 2012

WWE Top 5 Worst of the Week: Cena, Ryback and More!

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    Another five hours of WWE primetime wrestling has come and gone.

    I don't know about you, but I'm itching for another hour!

    Luckily, Ion Television has us covered.

    Next week WWE will finally add that extra hour that fans have been begging for. Maybe now some undercard wrestlers will be featured, they'll establish a Cruiserweight division, and we'll get to see some of that new talent we've heard about for so long.

    Or maybe we'll have to wait for 10 hours of WWE programming a week for that to happen.

    Anyway, that's next week. This past week had a pretty solid episode of Raw (with Punk and Foley stealing the show), while Smackdown felt like a rerun of the good stuff from Raw.

    There was still plenty to complain about this week, and that's what this list is for!

    Here are the top five worst WWE moments of the week for September 23-29.

No. 5: Jerry Lawler Photos

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    It was great to hear from Jerry Lawler again on Monday Night Raw.

    What wasn't so great was the multiple photos of him receiving CPR. That just seemed in bad taste.

    If WWE so proudly targets families and children for Monday Night Raw, why did it have to show multiple photos of The King nearly dying?

    It seemed like they were trying to exploit a near tragedy, but it was unnecessary. It just looked tacky having its camera men around snapping photos while Lawler was fighting for his life. What's worse is that it aired those photos.

    Instead of placing one of those pictures here, I've decided to show a photo of the King in his natural habitat.

    Here is the 63-year-old and his girlfriend.

No. 4: Ryback vs. Miz

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    It's always a thrill to see the Intercontinental champion wrestle on free TV.

    Wait, no it's not. It sucks actually.

    The Miz always loses in non-title matches, and it just further devalues the belt that's been around for over 30 years.

    It was Ryback's biggest one-on-one match to date. It initially seemed that WWE may have been holding off on this feud until Hell in a Cell, but with Cena's injury, it may have rushed through it.

    After the match started, it was clear that Miz isn't in Ryback league. He was barely a step above the nameless jobbers WWE was bringing in on a weekly basis to "feed" to Ryback.

    Beating the Intercontinental champion so easily should have meant something. It should have been a huge moment in his career. It wasn't.

    Every ounce of credibility that Miz had as a singles wrestler left long ago.

    Time will tell how high Ryback can rise, but it's a shame that the company felt the need to destroy one of their champions (a former WrestleMania main-eventer) for an unproven big man.

No. 3: Kane and Bryan Jump the Shark

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    I’m sorry, Internet, but WWE may have already reached its peak with the Kane and Bryan skits.

    This week they had Kane play a waiter.

    Visually, how much more ridiculous can you get with Kane? That’s pretty much the definition of jumping the shark: You do something so silly that you can’t go back to being normal.

    I'm afraid they'll take the route of trying to be even more ridiculous, which is usually what happens when a TV show jumps the shark.

    They tossed in a loud belching noise for Kane, Bryan vomited within seconds on Dr. Shelby’s lap and we went back in time for a When Harry Met Sally spoof.

    But puking humor? Is that what this has already been reduced to?

    To top it off, Smackdown re-aired these skits again in their entirety. Once just wasn't enough.

    Right now, I just can’t get into these current WWE style of “mini movies.”

    I can buy in to one camera man following Cena throwing Edge into the ocean. I can buy in to a camera crew being there for a date between Viscera and Trish Stratus.

    But this had at least half a dozen different camera shots, which means it was filmed multiple times from a variety of angles. It was heavily post produced so it could flow like a regular TV show.

    It just feels out of place on Raw. Too much logic just gets thrown out the window.

    Maybe I’ll have to get used to this new WWE style of skits, but it’s not going to be easy.

    I could also give the team name "Hell No" one of the worst of the week (as Team Friendship would have been 10 times more awesome), but I'll let it slide.

    Maybe it's just me, but hopefully WWE can slow down on these two, so they can have a lengthy run as champions and not burn through every ridiculous scenario so quickly.

    I doubt it. Before long, they'll probably have to go to Team Hell No in space.

No. 2: Squash City

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    There were 13 matches on Raw and Smackdown this week.

    Seven of them didn't even last three minutes. Only three of the matches lasted longer than five minutes.

    In a three-hour wrestling program, two matches went over five minutes.

    It's pretty incredible that even with the extra hour of programming for Raw that matches are basically the same length.

    It was just a pretty bad week to be a midcard wrestler.

    While a guy like Tensai was already on the down slope, it basically made him worthless this week.

    Who is going to care to watch one of his matches when he was punked out by The Big Show and then demolished by Ryback?

    Had he not been jobbed out so often lately, they could have built to a big Ryback vs. Tensai match. It could have been Ryback's first real test.

    Tensai was literally better off as the A-Train or even Albert at this point.

    There are so many hours of WWE programming, and yet so many members of their roster are basically jobbers.

    This could be a problem.

No. 1: Cena over Dramatic

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    Settle down, Cena!

    You’re not about to die, you don’t have to retire, you’re only going to be gone for six weeks (maybe less).

    Cena laid it on so thick on Raw though, you’d think this would be the last we’d ever see of him.

    "With my future now in question, I wanted to come out here and thank you personally." he told the crowd.

    His future is in question? Why should anyone buy this?

    Remember when he gave that passionate speech about how he was going to go home and spend time with his wife, and then he came back the next week?

    What about after the match with Brock Lesnar where he told the crowd he was going to be gone for awhile, and he showed up the next night?

    He then went off into "insider" mode in his promo, but what he said didn't make any sense:

    "I know those guys aren't going to like this too much, but I'd personally like to thank you for your support of this" (the Rise Above Cancer awareness).

    What is he talking about?

    What "guys" aren't going to like him trying to promote the awareness campaign they've been promoting heavily for weeks?

    The middle rope is pink, the foundation's name is on the entrance ramp and the announcers take multiple breaks during every show to promote the campaign.

    Cena made absolutely no sense, but he said it because he wants to appear that he's breaking the script and telling the fans how it is.

    But if he likes to play by his own rules then why does he resort to garbage like this:

    "CM Punk is a monkey-franken-ship sinking-son of a bee sting that better get his gol' darn crap happy doggy bath straightened away."

    His doggy bath straightened away?

    That is literally what he said. Please, just take a moment and try to imagine Steve Austin, The Rock, Goldberg or The Undertaker saying that last line.

    Then he apologized and said hoped he kept that PG.

    Why does Cena feel the need to constantly remind us that this is a PG show? Who is that benefiting? Why does he keep breaking the fourth wall?

    On Breaking Bad, Walter White doesn't suddenly stop, look at the camera and say "Sorry folks, I can't say the 'F' word, this isn't premium cable."

    There was so much wrong with Cena's promo this week that he easily earned his spot as the Worst of the Week. Congratulations, Cena, you've really out done yourself!

    He teased a fake retirement (again) and reminded us that we watch a show for children all in the same promo.

    Well, that's all for this week! After that Cena rant, I need to go lay down. Agree? Disagree? Did anything worse happen? Sound off below.