College football schedule makers, let’s chat for a minute. I know you’re incredibly busy setting up critical games for the 2045 season, but this needs to be said.
You can do better.
Week 4’s college football Saturday ended in spectacular fashion. The Clemson-Florida State game was wildly entertaining, Kansas State went into Norman and came out victorious, and Notre Dame got their revenge against Michigan. The problem, however, was this was all happening at the same exact moment.
The prime-time slate was absolutely loaded, while the morning batch was far from it. Let’s spread these out a little bit going forward, cool? Thanks, I’m sure you’ll take this constructive criticism and promptly light it on fire.
As for the week that was, here’s what you might have missed while watching games on two televisions, your computer and perhaps even a cellphone. The things you do for this glorious game...
Love and hate, here we go...
We’ve been waiting all year (well, first few weeks) for this, and finally our calls were answered. When men over 300 pounds score a touchdown, it’s a special moment. When that man has to run great distances to achieve this ultimate goal, that moment becomes that much more special.
Defensive lineman Mike “Canadian Bacon” Atkinson (and that is his nickname, as he is from Canada) grabbed Riley Nelson’s pass and took it all the way back. This was Boise State’s only touchdown, which is the College Football Gods showing they indeed have a sense of humor.
A little high step at the end (“high” is relative here) and we have ourselves a magnificent FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN.
You’ve seen this “almost” happen before, but rarely do kickoffs backfire this poorly.
Georgia Tech running back Orwin Smith was ready to take this one more than 100 yards the other way. Then, with some “helpful” advice from his teammate, Smith pumped the brakes and stopped himself from coming out of the end zone.
He took a knee in the end zone, although the football broke the plane as he tried to keep himself from falling forward. The result was two points for Miami and a few thousand “Uh, did I just see that?” tweets from the fine ACC folks tuning into the game.
You did indeed just see that, and you may not see it again for quite some time. Treasure it.
Makes you cringe every time you watch it.
If you were given a 24-pack of your favorite brew and told to draw up some creative plays that would actually be featured in a game, chances are you might come up with something like this.
ULM quarterbacks Kolton Browning and Cody Wells spent time in the backfield in their near-upset win over Baylor on Friday, and having both a capable-throwing righty and lefty in the backfield gives you plenty of options.
Baylor saw this up close, and they looked absolutely lost when this wrinkle was utilized. I mean, we can’t quite blame them for that. You don’t see this every day.
Next up: a wishbone formation with three quarterbacks. Now THAT would be somethin’.
South Carolina’s Ace Sanders is better with a football than you are.
I’m sorry, I hope you don’t take that the wrong way. He’s just, well, that good. You’re not terrible (maybe you are), but even if you’re not, you’ll likely agree with me after watching this.
By my count, Sanders juked the entire Missouri punt coverage team as well as one of the trainers, a few fans and an actual tiger that made the trip for Missouri. Despite the tackling woes, those helmets still look fabulous in unsuccessful moments, Mizzou.
He did not score on this 49-yard trek, but it doesn’t matter. He also hauled in a receiving touchdown later on because, well, he’s good.
Penn State running back Michael Zordich ran for more yards against Temple than he did in the 2010 and 2011 seasons combined. He also gave us this magnificent scene, proving that not all hurdle attempts end up on YouTube or SportsCenter for the right reason.
At 236 pounds, this would have been a hurdle for the ages. Unfortunately, however, the defender saw this maneuver developing and met him up high. Oh, we love the attempt, though.
The result is a magnificent GIF that is hypnotic in nature. If I ever tried to hurdle in a regulated football game, I imagine it would end this way, only I wouldn’t get nearly as high off the ground and there would likely be crying, whining or both.
It’s just not fair. Being obscenely fast and having tremendous hands is just an abundance of riches. TCU sophomore Brandon Carter has plenty of both, and he looks like he’s going to be one hell of a player for the Horned Frogs.
Actually, scratch “going to be.” He already is.
Carter pulled down a superb catch against Virginia, and the slow-mo look gives you a better appreciation of how good this was. In fact, in full speed, he made it almost look too easy.
Thirteen catches, 269 yards and three touchdowns in the past few games for young Carter. Pretty, pretty, pretty good.
Oh, hello there. Who were you expecting?
Why yes, that is Steve Spurrier improving his bicep strength in an outfit fit for a king. Don’t let the size of those dumbbells fool you; those are actually 110 pounds each. He just has them custom made so he doesn’t upset his players.
He’s a gentleman, but you already knew that.
This image was featured on College GameDay, and ESPN has already issued a press release apologizing for all the females that fainted out there.
The Ol’ Ball Coach can have that effect.
When I first saw Mark Dantonio’s postgame presser, I actually thought it was rather entertaining. The more I thought about it, however, the more it irked me.
We get it, your team didn’t look good against Eastern Michigan, and your offense (much like the rest of the B1G) is rather average. You're not happy about it. You’ve got Ohio State coming up, and these are dire times. Again, I get it.
But just answer the questions. Let me rephrase that; answer the questions beyond just this snarky routine. You don’t have to like it, you don’t have to say much, and you don’t even have to care.
It’s not the media’s problem you can’t move the chains, my friend. But I can’t tell you what to do.