Hello, friends, and welcome to another exciting week of Big Ten football. I'm Adam, and I'll be your tour guide...I'm sorry, you have a question? Already?
You're wondering what that is over there? That smoldering pile of rubble?
Perfectly reasonable question to ask. That is the Big Ten's reputation after Notre Dame obliterated Michigan State 20-3 last Saturday night, knocking yet another Big Ten contender from the ranks of the unbeaten before the conference season could even get started.
So we're going to try a different approach in Week 4. We're just going to schedule a bunch of no-names. Also, we're giving Indiana the week off, and we are not going to comment about the rumors that we're trying to sell the Hoosiers to the MAC so please stop asking about that.
Yes, it'll be a nice weekend of smooth sailing, especially now that Michigan canceled its game against Notre Dame.
What's that? It's still on? What do you mean, "you don't get to cancel games a week before?!" Our entire plan depended on just that!
Any chance you folks can just conduct your own tour by yourselves? I think I need to lie down or something.