25 Hilarious Athlete Tweets

By (Featured Columnist) on September 21, 2012

47,029 reads

24Icon_comment

Previous
1 of 28
Next
Hi-res-107184456_crop_650x440
Karl Walter/Getty Images

More often than not, Twitter is an agent of mischief and embarrassment when an athlete uses it as a cyberspace echo chamber for a particularly unique opinion or to air their grievances. When a tweet creates headlines, rarely does its content dwell on the typical 140 characters of inane nonsense blasting across screens and smartphones each day.

When athletes make the news for illicit Twitter shenanigans, they have almost always said something far beyond a faux pas. With all this attention paid to Twitter's penchant for providing an unwanted glimpse into an athlete's worldview or obnoxious mindset, the potential for the social media platform to reveal the endearing wit and humor of athletes is overshadowed by the pitfalls.

While a mountain of forgettable nuggets of information percolates on Twitter each and every minute, there are also plenty of comic gems if you look hard enough. Not many make headlines—other than some of the more attentive sports blogs out there—but that doesn't mean they aren't newsworthy.

Twitter reveals a lot about the athletes and players we love, for better or for worse, but nothing makes following them more worthwhile than when they say something hilarious. So let's take a look at some funny tweets. 

25. Daniel Gibson, Cleveland Cavaliers

Image via @BooBysWorld1
Image via @BooBysWorld1

For most of us, it's funny because The Jerry Springer Show ended in the 90's. 

I'm not sure what's funnier: The fact that The Jerry Springer Show is still in production, or that people are still, apparently, watching!

24. Brian Mcgrattan, Nashville Predators

Image via @bigern10
Image via @bigern10

Okay, I realize that this tweet isn't exactly "laugh out loud" hilarious or anything. I just usually think it's funny when big bad jocks enjoy the finer, girlier things in life. 

The only drink girlier than a pumpkin spice latte is an apple martini. 

23. Dont'a Hightower, New England Patriots

Image via @zeus30hightower
Image via @zeus30hightower

These two tweets are very representative of what Dont'a Hightower has to say on pretty much an hourly basis. He may be a big tough linebacker, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt his feelings when you tell him he needs to do better or do something he ain't.

I actually follow him and know a lot about him: He's jazzed about the iPhone 5 but has no clue what it does. He loves his mom. He hates people who complain about his spelling and grammar. He likes food. 

And, he needs snow tires for his truck. Can you believe six people favorited that tweet?

22. Floyd Mayweather, Jr., Boxer

Image via @FloydMayweather
Image via @FloydMayweather

The only things boxer Floyd "Money" Mayweather, Jr. tweets about are partying and, unsurprisingly, money. It's never funny in a clever or even amusing way, but more in a "haha this guy is a jag-off" way. 

This is a typical sampling of his tweets, and I can't help but laugh at #TheMoneyTeam literally burning money. I may not be rich, but at least I'm not the greediest braggadocio woman-beater on the planet. 

21. T.J. Galiardi, San Jose Sharks

Image via @TJGalidari
Image via @TJGalidari

The only kind of people who like people in white sunglasses are people who wear white sunglasses. Those things are bad enough on the likes of Kim Kardashian, but just run the other way if it's a dude rocking them. 

20. Brandon Phillips, Cincinnati Reds

Image via @DatDudeBP
Image via @DatDudeBP

The Reds' Brandon Phillips is one of the more entertaining athletes on Twitter, which is a good thing, because this dude tweets constantly. 

Some tweets are more amusing than others, but I am always a total sucker for a Seinfeld joke. 

19. Justin De Fratus, Philadelphia Phillies

Image via @JustinDeFratus
Image via @JustinDeFratus

I couldn't agree with him more on this. It's stunning how many absolutely ridiculous Olympic events there are. 

The Doggy Paddle wouldn't be my favorite event, but I'd certainly prefer it to watching those girls in unitards spinning ribbons and pretending to be real gymnasts. 

18. Andrew McCutchen, Pittsburgh Pirates

Image via @TheCutch22
Image via @TheCutch22

Things have definitely been spiraling downhill rapidly for Andrew McCutchen's Pirates throughout the second half of the MLB season, which is tough for them but expected after 19 straight losing seasons. 

At least Cutch is still keeping it together mentally and finding joy in the small things. Like strangers singing songs on public toilets. 

17. Roddy White, Atlanta Falcons

Image via @roddywhiteTV
Image via @roddywhiteTV

Gee. I wonder if Falcons receiver Roddy White was drunk when he tweeted about a hankering for pizza. Let's examine the details. 

First, there's very limited punctuation. Second, I'm pretty sure pappardelle johns isn't a real place. Third, and most importantly, he says "but they don't close until 10 not cool."

Now check out the time stamp on that tweet in the lower left corner—it clearly reads 10:46 PM. Drunk enough before 11:00 PM on a Wednesday not to be able to tell time—now that's impressive. 

16. Chris Kluwe, Minnesota Vikings

Image via @ChrisWarcraft
Image via @ChrisWarcraft

Vikings punter Chris Kluwe is, hands down, the coolest "nerd" in sports. If you're not already following him on Twitter, then you should rectify that situation right now. 

Kluwe tweets about everything from video games to the weather, and he's always hilarious. He also tweets a lot about booze, which is one of my great loves in life. 

15. Brett Anderson, Oakland Athletics

Image via @BrettAnderson49
Image via @BrettAnderson49

There are few people in this world who are more afraid of bugs than me, so I completely understand where he's coming from on this. I'd probably be too panicked to even tweet about it. 

This is probably the reason I don't have a car—I've been subconsciously afraid of a situation like this. 

14. Todd Herremans, Philadelphia Eagles

Image via @toddherremans
Image via @toddherremans

I wasn't sure if I should have learned a lesson from the whole Daniel Tosh you-don't-ever- joke-about-rape incident and just excluded this entirely. 

But I decided that this tweet was both funny and sends a positive message about not raping. 

13. Andre Iguodala, Denver Nuggets

Image via @mindofAI9
Image via @mindofAI9

I must admit that this tweet made me laugh, but it's definitely a case of far too much information. Leave your iPhone on the coffee table when you go to the bathroom! 

12. Michael Richards, Los Angeles Kings

Image via @MRichie_10
Image via @MRichie_10

The man makes a very good point. After all, more than 10,000 athletes from over 200 countries participated in the 2012 Olympics in London, and only a small fraction of them won a medal. 

It's good to know that after four years of intense training, even if you don't win a medal, the Olympic Committee thinks you'll get laid approximately 10 times. 

11. Chris Johnson, Tennessee Titans

Image via @ChrisJohnson28
Image via @ChrisJohnson28

Haha. Well, I think Chris Johnson should rush for more than 1.1 yards per carry. So we don't always get what we want, Chris. 

But I do think Oprah should run for president, too…she seems bored.

10. Zac Dalpe, Carolina Hurricanes

Image via @ZacDalpe22
Image via @ZacDalpe22

Every so often you're lucky enough to find someone with the exact same sense of humor and general sensibilities as you. This was one of those times for me. 

I always think it's hilarious to see people running around the airport like feral cats. And I think it's even funnier to tweet about your personal enjoyment of it. 

If this kid wasn't a decade younger than me, I'd assume we were soul mates. That cougar thing doesn't suit me in the slightest. 

9. Roy Hibbert, Indiana Pacers

Image via @Hoya2aPacer
Image via @Hoya2aPacer

The Pacers' Roy Hibbert has nearly 50,000 followers on Twitter. I'm just so thankful to them and happy for him that they could be there for him in his hour of need. 

That "customers only" B.S. for bathrooms is a pain. Here's a hint if you're on the go: Stop into a hotel. Nobody will ask you nothin'. 

8. Pat Mcafee, Indianapolis Colts

Image via @PatMcAfeeShow
Image via @PatMcAfeeShow

What's funny about this is that Pat McAfee is that awesome Colts punter who got drunk a few years ago and went for a pre-dawn swim in a canal. 

So I was fairly certain that he had graduated from the Ball So Hard University…with honors. 

7. Ozzie Guillen, Miami Marlins

Image via @OzzieGuillen
Image via @OzzieGuillen

We all know that Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen lets whatever crap is percolating in his brain spew out of his face without giving it a second thought. Sometimes it makes sense and sometimes, like this, it does not. 

And what in God's name is with the punctuation? 

6. Tony Allen, Memphis Grizzlies

Image via @aa000G9
Image via @aa000G9

We've all been there before—I know I have. It's late, you're drunk, you're the only one up and you're hungry and you want someone to talk to. Time to tweet about "oddles" of noodles!

5. Paul Bissonnette, Phoenix Coyotes

Image via @BizNasty2point0
Image via @BizNasty2point0

I know he was just joking about ESPN's two resident screamers, but I'm thinking he might be onto something. It's (slightly) more humane than waterboarding. 

4. Metta World Peace, Los Angeles Lakers

Image via @MettaWorldPeace
Image via @MettaWorldPeace

Everyone's favorite elbow-head-smasher Metta World Peace was kind enough to take to Twitter to wish everyone a happy Labor Day...in May. Just three months ahead of schedule—not bad. 

3. Logan Morrison, Miami Marlins

Image via @LoMoMarlins
Image via @LoMoMarlins

Truly a question for the ages. When you want to text an insult, it's extremely important to spell everything correctly, lest you look like a dumbass, thus negating the insult entirely. 

2. Mike Tyson, Retired Boxer

Image via @MikeTyson
Image via @MikeTyson

Mike Tyson has gone a pretty long way in terms of repairing his image, but I think it's still too soon for jokes about eating Evander Holyfield's ear with barbecue sauce. 

I think it will always be too soon. 

1. Stevie Johnson, Buffalo Bills

Image via @StevieJohnson13
Image via @StevieJohnson13

Bills wide receiver Stevie Johnson's tweet to the heavens after a dropped pass against the Steelers may be the most famous funny athlete tweet ever. 

Occasionally I Tweet Funny Things, Too...

Image via @blamberr
Image via @blamberr

But probably not nearly as often as I think. But you should still follow me on Twitter.

Please. 

Thank you.

You're welcome. 

Begin Slideshow
Keep Reading
Flag
Props (1)
This article is

What is the duplicate article?

Why is this article offensive?

Where is this article plagiarized from?

Why is this article poorly edited?

Flag This Article
Default-user-icon-comment
or to post a comment

24 Comments

There are no comments yet. Get the conversation started by leaving the first comment
Big
Loading comments...
just now posted just now
  • Loading...
  • Nobody has liked this comment yet
Cancel

This comment and all replies have been deleted This comment has been deleted Undo delete

Follow B/R on Facebook

Sports and Pop Culture

Subscribe Now

We will never share your email address

Thanks for signing up.

Things Only Sports Fans Understand Hint: you can use arrow keys to navigate through this channel.