25 Hilarious Athlete Tweets
More often than not, Twitter is an agent of mischief and embarrassment when an athlete uses it as a cyberspace echo chamber for a particularly unique opinion or to air their grievances. When a tweet creates headlines, rarely does its content dwell on the typical 140 characters of inane nonsense blasting across screens and smartphones each day.
When athletes make the news for illicit Twitter shenanigans, they have almost always said something far beyond a faux pas. With all this attention paid to Twitter's penchant for providing an unwanted glimpse into an athlete's worldview or obnoxious mindset, the potential for the social media platform to reveal the endearing wit and humor of athletes is overshadowed by the pitfalls.
While a mountain of forgettable nuggets of information percolates on Twitter each and every minute, there are also plenty of comic gems if you look hard enough. Not many make headlines—other than some of the more attentive sports blogs out there—but that doesn't mean they aren't newsworthy.
Twitter reveals a lot about the athletes and players we love, for better or for worse, but nothing makes following them more worthwhile than when they say something hilarious. So let's take a look at some funny tweets.
25. Daniel Gibson, Cleveland Cavaliers
Image via @BooBysWorld1
For most of us, it's funny because The Jerry Springer Show ended in the 90's.
I'm not sure what's funnier: The fact that The Jerry Springer Show is still in production, or that people are still, apparently, watching!
24. Brian Mcgrattan, Nashville Predators
Image via @bigern10
Okay, I realize that this tweet isn't exactly "laugh out loud" hilarious or anything. I just usually think it's funny when big bad jocks enjoy the finer, girlier things in life.
The only drink girlier than a pumpkin spice latte is an apple martini.
23. Dont'a Hightower, New England Patriots
Image via @zeus30hightower
These two tweets are very representative of what Dont'a Hightower has to say on pretty much an hourly basis. He may be a big tough linebacker, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt his feelings when you tell him he needs to do better or do something he ain't.
I actually follow him and know a lot about him: He's jazzed about the iPhone 5 but has no clue what it does. He loves his mom. He hates people who complain about his spelling and grammar. He likes food.
And, he needs snow tires for his truck. Can you believe six people favorited that tweet?
22. Floyd Mayweather, Jr., Boxer
Image via @FloydMayweather
The only things boxer Floyd "Money" Mayweather, Jr. tweets about are partying and, unsurprisingly, money. It's never funny in a clever or even amusing way, but more in a "haha this guy is a jag-off" way.
This is a typical sampling of his tweets, and I can't help but laugh at #TheMoneyTeam literally burning money. I may not be rich, but at least I'm not the greediest braggadocio woman-beater on the planet.
21. T.J. Galiardi, San Jose Sharks
Image via @TJGalidari
The only kind of people who like people in white sunglasses are people who wear white sunglasses. Those things are bad enough on the likes of Kim Kardashian, but just run the other way if it's a dude rocking them.
20. Brandon Phillips, Cincinnati Reds
Image via @DatDudeBP
The Reds' Brandon Phillips is one of the more entertaining athletes on Twitter, which is a good thing, because this dude tweets constantly.
Some tweets are more amusing than others, but I am always a total sucker for a Seinfeld joke.
19. Justin De Fratus, Philadelphia Phillies
Image via @JustinDeFratus
I couldn't agree with him more on this. It's stunning how many absolutely ridiculous Olympic events there are.
The Doggy Paddle wouldn't be my favorite event, but I'd certainly prefer it to watching those girls in unitards spinning ribbons and pretending to be real gymnasts.
18. Andrew McCutchen, Pittsburgh Pirates
Image via @TheCutch22
Things have definitely been spiraling downhill rapidly for Andrew McCutchen's Pirates throughout the second half of the MLB season, which is tough for them but expected after 19 straight losing seasons.
At least Cutch is still keeping it together mentally and finding joy in the small things. Like strangers singing songs on public toilets.
17. Roddy White, Atlanta Falcons
Image via @roddywhiteTV
Gee. I wonder if Falcons receiver Roddy White was drunk when he tweeted about a hankering for pizza. Let's examine the details.
First, there's very limited punctuation. Second, I'm pretty sure pappardelle johns isn't a real place. Third, and most importantly, he says "but they don't close until 10 not cool."
Now check out the time stamp on that tweet in the lower left corner—it clearly reads 10:46 PM. Drunk enough before 11:00 PM on a Wednesday not to be able to tell time—now that's impressive.
16. Chris Kluwe, Minnesota Vikings
Image via @ChrisWarcraft
Vikings punter Chris Kluwe is, hands down, the coolest "nerd" in sports. If you're not already following him on Twitter, then you should rectify that situation right now.
Kluwe tweets about everything from video games to the weather, and he's always hilarious. He also tweets a lot about booze, which is one of my great loves in life.
15. Brett Anderson, Oakland Athletics
Image via @BrettAnderson49
There are few people in this world who are more afraid of bugs than me, so I completely understand where he's coming from on this. I'd probably be too panicked to even tweet about it.
This is probably the reason I don't have a car—I've been subconsciously afraid of a situation like this.
14. Todd Herremans, Philadelphia Eagles
Image via @toddherremans
I wasn't sure if I should have learned a lesson from the whole Daniel Tosh you-don't-ever- joke-about-rape incident and just excluded this entirely.
But I decided that this tweet was both funny and sends a positive message about not raping.
13. Andre Iguodala, Denver Nuggets
Image via @mindofAI9
I must admit that this tweet made me laugh, but it's definitely a case of far too much information. Leave your iPhone on the coffee table when you go to the bathroom!
12. Michael Richards, Los Angeles Kings
Image via @MRichie_10
The man makes a very good point. After all, more than 10,000 athletes from over 200 countries participated in the 2012 Olympics in London, and only a small fraction of them won a medal.
It's good to know that after four years of intense training, even if you don't win a medal, the Olympic Committee thinks you'll get laid approximately 10 times.
11. Chris Johnson, Tennessee Titans
Image via @ChrisJohnson28
Haha. Well, I think Chris Johnson should rush for more than 1.1 yards per carry. So we don't always get what we want, Chris.
But I do think Oprah should run for president, too…she seems bored.
10. Zac Dalpe, Carolina Hurricanes
Image via @ZacDalpe22
Every so often you're lucky enough to find someone with the exact same sense of humor and general sensibilities as you. This was one of those times for me.
I always think it's hilarious to see people running around the airport like feral cats. And I think it's even funnier to tweet about your personal enjoyment of it.
If this kid wasn't a decade younger than me, I'd assume we were soul mates. That cougar thing doesn't suit me in the slightest.
9. Roy Hibbert, Indiana Pacers
Image via @Hoya2aPacer
The Pacers' Roy Hibbert has nearly 50,000 followers on Twitter. I'm just so thankful to them and happy for him that they could be there for him in his hour of need.
That "customers only" B.S. for bathrooms is a pain. Here's a hint if you're on the go: Stop into a hotel. Nobody will ask you nothin'.
8. Pat Mcafee, Indianapolis Colts
Image via @PatMcAfeeShow
What's funny about this is that Pat McAfee is that awesome Colts punter who got drunk a few years ago and went for a pre-dawn swim in a canal.
So I was fairly certain that he had graduated from the Ball So Hard University…with honors.
7. Ozzie Guillen, Miami Marlins
Image via @OzzieGuillen
We all know that Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen lets whatever crap is percolating in his brain spew out of his face without giving it a second thought. Sometimes it makes sense and sometimes, like this, it does not.
And what in God's name is with the punctuation?
6. Tony Allen, Memphis Grizzlies
Image via @aa000G9
We've all been there before—I know I have. It's late, you're drunk, you're the only one up and you're hungry and you want someone to talk to. Time to tweet about "oddles" of noodles!
5. Paul Bissonnette, Phoenix Coyotes
Image via @BizNasty2point0
I know he was just joking about ESPN's two resident screamers, but I'm thinking he might be onto something. It's (slightly) more humane than waterboarding.
4. Metta World Peace, Los Angeles Lakers
Image via @MettaWorldPeace
Everyone's favorite elbow-head-smasher Metta World Peace was kind enough to take to Twitter to wish everyone a happy Labor Day...in May. Just three months ahead of schedule—not bad.
3. Logan Morrison, Miami Marlins
Image via @LoMoMarlins
Truly a question for the ages. When you want to text an insult, it's extremely important to spell everything correctly, lest you look like a dumbass, thus negating the insult entirely.
2. Mike Tyson, Retired Boxer
Image via @MikeTyson
Mike Tyson has gone a pretty long way in terms of repairing his image, but I think it's still too soon for jokes about eating Evander Holyfield's ear with barbecue sauce.
I think it will always be too soon.
1. Stevie Johnson, Buffalo Bills
Image via @StevieJohnson13
Bills wide receiver Stevie Johnson's tweet to the heavens after a dropped pass against the Steelers may be the most famous funny athlete tweet ever.
Occasionally I Tweet Funny Things, Too...
Image via @blamberr
But probably not nearly as often as I think. But you should still follow me on Twitter.