12 UFC Fighters as Alcoholic Beverages

Riley Kontek@@BigRIlesMMAFeatured ColumnistSeptember 17, 2012

12 UFC Fighters as Alcoholic Beverages

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    Do you enjoy a beer while watching fights? Well if you are of legal age like myself, of course you do, unless you are straight edge.

    There are a number of MMA fighters that also enjoy a drink once in a while. Whether it's Chuck Liddell or Clay Guida, MMA fighters are still social human beings that enjoy themselves an occasional adult beverage.

    Here is a very unique list, as we look at 12 fighters and their alcoholic counterparts.

Fedor Emelianenko: White Russian

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    Type of Drink: Mixed cocktail (vodka, coffee liqueur and cream/milk)

    The most obvious part of this comparison is the Russian moniker in the name of the drink and the fact that Fedor Emelianenko is Russian. However, much like Fedor's fighting style, this drink is powerful and can leave you with a bad taste in your mouth.

    If you drink too many White Russians, you could find yourself taking a nap to sleep off the liquor. If you spend too many minutes in the cage with Emelianenko, you can similarly find yourself napping from a knockout punch or asphyxiation. 

Clay Guida: Irish Coffee

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    Type of drink: Mixed cocktail (coffee, Irish whiskey, sugar and cream)

    Clay Guida always seems to be on a caffeine trip whenever he steps in the cage, due to his nonstop pace and frantic style. 

    Speaking of caffeine, Irish coffee is a drink that will give you a buzz and have you strung out on caffeine. If you drink a couple cups of this stuff, you may start acting like Clay Guida.

    Maybe he has a cup of that before he steps in the cage. It's either that or he has a big hankering for pixie sticks.

Matt Serra: Long Island Iced Tea

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    Type of drink: Mixed cocktail (vodka, gin, tequila, run, triple sec, sour mix and cola, among many other variations)

    In another comparison likely based on location, Matt Serra is a Long Island native that packs a surprising punch. Similarly, though it is a "girly" drink (according to my friend). Long Island Iced Teas pack a big punch that will make you loopy and disoriented.

    The main difference is probably that the glass is taller and skinnier than Serra is himself.

Diego Sanchez: Bloody Mary

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    Type of drink: Mixed cocktail (vodka, tomato juice and spices)

    Diego Sanchez usually gets bloody in his fights, which makes an obvious comparison here. In fights against BJ Penn and Martin Kampmann, he has bled like a stuck pig.

    I suppose you can say Diego Sanchez's personality is spicy, even though that would be a stretch. He is just plain loony. 

Alistair Overeem: Irish Car Bomb

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    Type of drink: Beer cocktail (Guinness, Irish whiskey and Irish cream)

    Irish car bombs are strong drinks that will get you real loose when partying. Just don't have too many, or you could have a horrible hangover and headache the next morning.

    Similarly, Alistair Overeem is extremely powerful and has given many a men horrid headaches. At the drop of a dime, or a glass if we are sticking with alcoholic innuendos, Overeem could mess up your night and have you not remembering much.

Dan Henderson: Screwdriver

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    Type of drink: Mixed cocktail (vodka and orange juice)

    Dan Henderson has sent many opponents to their slumber. His hands are extremely powerful, and depending how you make your mixed drinks, screwdrivers can be very powerful as well.

    Usually, one drinks a screwdriver in the morning to level out a bad hangover or to start a bender on weekends at college. Maybe some of Henderson's opponents, such as Michael Bisping, have had screwdrivers when they've awaken from their knockout losses.

Donald Cerrone: Jack Daniel's

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    Type of drink: Tennessee whiskey

    If there is one thing I know about the few Southerners I am acquaintances with, they are modern day cowboys who love them some Jack Daniel's.

    Donald "Cowboy" Cerrone looks like a guy who enjoys himself a shot of Jack once in a while. 

    Further than that, Cerrone has the ability to send some shots to your head and have you feeling woozy. Jack does the same to many.

Muhammed "King Mo" Lawal: Crown Royal

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    Type of drink: Canadian whisky

    The bottle and packaging of Crown Royal has, well, a royal look to it. The appearance of Muhammed Lawal is similar, as the man known as "King Mo" wears a crown and king-like attire to the cage.

    Drinking too much Crown Royal can be devastating. Receiving too much ground and pound from now Bellator fighter/TNA wrestler is also quite devastating in a different way.

Jon Jones: Grey Goose

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    Type of drink: Vodka

    Grey Goose is a very expensive and smooth vodka. To drink Grey Goose consistently, you are most likely a high roller with a good taste in alcohol.

    Similarly, Jon Jones has become expensive and has a very smooth fighting style. He is the highest roller in the light heavyweight division right now.

    Unfortunately, his personality has been hard to swallow as of late, which is the only difference from the French-made vodka.

Anderson Silva: Ketel One

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    Type of drink: Vodka

    Like Grey Goose, Ketel One is an expensive, smooth vodka that is easy to drink. And, like Jon Jones, Anderson Silva is an expensive fighter with a smooth style that is easy to watch.

    Not much else to explain here.

Chael Sonnen: Jameson

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    Type of drink: Irish whiskey

    Chael Sonnen's personality is brash, loud and unpredictable. His fighting style is rough and brutal, which is due to his solid ground and pound.

    Jameson is an Irish whiskey, a taste that you either like or don't like. Sonnen's personality and fight style is like Jameson, in that you like it or you dislike it greatly.

    His vocal style either goes down smooth or has you wincing in disbelief.

Ronda Rousey: Margarita

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    Type of drink: Mixed cocktail (tequila, orange flavored liqueur, lime/lemon juice and salt, among other variations)

    Margaritas are a girl's drink, in my opinion, but like Ronda Rousey, who is obviously a female, she can kick your ass like a margarita can in terms of inebriation. 

    The only difference is that Rousey will break your arm and margaritas will not. Unless, of course, you drink too many and fall on the sidewalk to break your arm.

All One-Dimensional American Wrestlers: Any Light Beer

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    Type of drink: Beer

    American light beers, such as Miller Lite, Bud Light and Coors Light are all generic beers that are drunk by millions of legal American all over the country. 

    There are a lot of one-dimensional wrestlers in MMA, that have become the generic American mixed martial artist. They have good wrestling, but are green in most other areas of the fight.

    The comparison between the two is simple. Both are generic, not very exciting and abundant.